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Add:The loss of Alaska[edit]

During the last 1920's Canada was experiencing a liquor drought due to the prohibition of alcohol to the south. This period marked one of the darkest times in Canada. In Canada the dollar was one tenth, of that of the rest of the US. Thus alcohol could be bought relatively cheaply in Canada and sold to the richer states. The mob quickly saw "that big money could be made" and over ran the state of Canada. A torrent of booze and other alcoholic products left these poor and desperate Canadians. The mob took the booze away from the mouths of women and children. As a result these people did not possess the sufficient blood alcohol level and they died due to their blood freezing. Thus there was a serious problem, Canada needed alcohol and fast. The solution was quickly found. Germany had a good year and there beer berries did especially well. They were the ripest they have ever been and unfortunately this drove up the market value. Canada was left with little choice but to trade part of Canada to Germany. The US government intervened and promised to give Canada beer money for Acadia. When the federal government took possession of the land they expelled a lot of Canadians and changed its name to Alaska.


Is it possible to poke fun at Canadians without using homosexuality as an insult? Using "homosexual tendencies of Canadians" and then listing one or two things is just as hateful as saying "nigger-ish tendencies of americans: they play basketball and some of them have dark skin..." thats just as funny as the celine dion comment... oh wait neither is funny! exactly.

Just replace celine with justin bieber and this section would ring true. And this is coming from a Canadian btw.


This article used to be very amusing, even to me as a Canadian. However, it has gotten very stupid, including completely retarded spelling errors. Eg. The father of the USA is "Satin". (As in the silk like material, and not Satan as in the devil)

I personally think you should go back about 4-months of revisions and in particular "Canada's father was France, where USA's was Jesus."

Even if you don't edit the content... read it over to make sure it makes sense and hopefully funny. The preceding unsigned comment was added by Chrisizzle (talk • contribs)

Dear Chrisizzle:
Welcome to Uncyclopedia. Uncyclopedia is a "wiki". A "wiki" is like a "book", except that you can edit it. That's right; you! If you like something, keep it, and if not, edit it out. The worst that will generally happen is that someone will undo it. Then they'll break into your house and kill your hamster, Chuckles. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 15:02, 20 April 2009 (UTC)
Dear Modusoperandi
Actually... it says its a locked article and that I can not change it... :-(
I will keep checking to see if that changes.
Dear Chrisizzle:
As long as you're signed in (and have had an account for a few days) you should be able to edit it. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 20:18, 21 April 2009 (UTC)


I think It'd be awesome if Canada was north of the north Pole.

That'd be Russia

I think the "How I Met Your Mother" joke, the 80's didn't arrive to canada until like '93 should be in there.

You forgot to add under "Exports" what the #1 cash crop of the left coast (otherwise known as "The Wet Coast" or "British Columbia") really is. "The Man" would like you to think that it's tourism or something equally lame. So not true, dude. The real draw to the coast is known in the trade as "BC Bud". -- 00:43, July 20, 2010 (UTC)


I don't see Rush mentioned anywhere.The preceding unsigned comment was added by (talk • contribs)

When (s)he's right, (s)he's right. . .   Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN  Eh?  Oh!  UnTunes! Cannabagreen.jpgI Card-hearts-up.gif my cat! 13:08, 11 November 2006 (UTC)

Better? --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 14:22, 11 November 2006 (UTC)
Than nothing, yes. They are gods, after all. Best to appease them.   Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN  Eh?  Oh!  UnTunes! Cannabagreen.jpgI Card-hearts-up.gif my cat! 14:31, 11 November 2006 (UTC)
You want a mention of Rush, you get a mention of Rush. You want more on Rush, edit Rush. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 14:36, 11 November 2006 (UTC)
Heh. Somebody should. What a random piece of crap it currently is. Maybe I'll get to it after "Plopcorn."   Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN  Eh?  Oh!  UnTunes! Cannabagreen.jpgI Card-hearts-up.gif my cat! 14:42, 11 November 2006 (UTC)
/me picks up bullhorn "We have you surrounded. Drop the keytar and come out with your hands up!" --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 14:44, 11 November 2006 (UTC)
You'll never take me alive, copper molybdenum!   Sir Tooltroll, Esq. CUN  Eh?  Oh!  UnTunes! Cannabagreen.jpgI Card-hearts-up.gif my cat! 14:46, 11 November 2006 (UTC)
Pamela Anderson isn't mentioned either O.o Thenooblord 16:24, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

re: Pamela Anderson's not being mentioned, other than on this page: Good. Keep it that way. It's bad enough that we've "given" the world that little turd Justin Beiber, or the "the beeb" as he's known to his flock of prepubescent fans.

re: nothing to be funny about when it comes to RUSH. They are the best of the best. 3rd best selling rock group of all time behind only The Beatles and The Rolling Stones - that kinda money ain't nothin' to laugh aboot, except on the way to the bank, of course! Check 'em out:


Canada is on VFH. I don't care if you vote for or against, just vote, dagnabit. Modusoperandi 07:15, 13 July 2006 (UTC)

  • Canada's featured, hurrah! Canada would like to thank all of those that have contributed to this page for their, um, contributions to this page. Now, please stand for our national anthem... Modusoperandi 04:34, 19 July 2006 (UTC)

Don't Add Stupid Shit[edit]

Seriously, if it has nothing to do with Canada...keep it in your pants. Modusoperandi 07:29, 27 January 2006 (UTC)

Canada is actually a very violent country. Remember the 2002 Salt city olympics when we kickede your ass in your own house. Canada is a much better country then america don't you think eh? Oh and I'm pretty sure we kicked the germans ass at Vimy ridge.

Uncyclopedia vs. Wikiwhatchamacallit[edit]

Why do people crib text from the wikipedia and post it to uncyclopedia? Are people getting dumber, or is "not-funny" the new "funny"? Modusoperandi 05:19, 28 Nov 2005 (UTC)

Because a sense of humor, never mind wit, is in much greater scarcity than the ability to type. -- 23:55, 22 May 2006 (UTC)

LOCKED article?[edit]

Now that's Canada! Can't prevent it from splitting up? Then lock it! Yeah!

It's not locked, eh. If you've got an account you should be able to edit it. Also, sign your posts with ~~~~. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 05:26, 25 August 2006 (UTC)
Huh, oh... well, but after I created my account I'm pretty sure it still said I couldn't edit... you're sure the C-20 bill doesn't extend to Uncyclopedia either? Hee! hee! And, oh, sorry for having forgotten to sign. Motton 23:39, 27 August 2006 (UTC)
It says "Note: This page has been locked so that only registered users can edit it.". So edit away (just read

HTBFANJS first.)--Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 23:47, 27 August 2006 (UTC)

Meh, I have just registered a new account, and I can#t edit it! What's with being more restrictive than Wikipedia??? Ingolfson 08:24, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
Wait three days, then try it. Pages that are magnets for vandals tend to be sort-of locked. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 08:30, 5 April 2008 (UTC)

What? Ugh, yes this sucketh! I have every intention of penning a section here on the superiourity of Canadian women IMMEDIATELY, but I am hereuntofore obligatorily kick-in-the-nuts barred from doing so! FIXETH IT! I am logged in, duh. BorisOfAmerica 19:36, 7 August 2008 (UTC)

See my comment right above yours. Also, welcome to Uncyc. We're really quite friendly, once you get to know us. Not me, of course. I'm a big, poopy jerk. Some bad kids tear the wings off of flies. I glue extra ones on, just to mess with their heads. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 19:44, 7 August 2008 (UTC)
Yeah, sure. Right. I recall another prominent religious figure requesting that his adherents wait three days for something interesting to transpire. And we all know there's still debate ongoing as to the outcome of that one. What makes you think you're so special? ...ok, I'll wait three days. Is that three *working* days? And are you counting them in 24-hour US days, or 20-hour Canadian days?? BorisOfAmerica 22:24, 7 August 2008 (UTC)

Coat of Arms[edit]

Mowgli asked on Forum:Is it possible... for someone to make Canada's coat of arms. So, unless anyone can do better (and you can, you hosers oot there), here's my take on it: Canada Coat of Arms. It's not all that good, but I ran out of Canadaness months ago.--Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 02:24, 10 October 2006 (UTC)

i'm linking it to the page til such time that someone wants to delink it, lol. i knew there had to be a moose in there. de ja vu. once upon a time molson beer or mooshead beer, or maybe both, used to carry a figure of the moose on their bottles' labels. good stuff - i mean the COA. -- mowgli 11:11, 10 October 2006 (UTC)

Wow, is this really the wikipedia entry on Canada? I mean, wtf eh? Where the hell do you mention Neil Young? And its Colour, not color.

Also, a centre is a building.


I think this page should be renamed "Canadia" and redirect Canada to the ... proper spelling. What say ye?The preceding unsigned comment was added by (talk • contribs)

Canadia? No. Canada is fine. Canadia is fine as a redirect that points here. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 03:34, 26 February 2007 (UTC)

Language Laws[edit]

Umm, due to Canadian Language Laws a Russian Reversal is required in both official languages.

"En Russie soviétique, le poutine manger VOUS!!"

~ Russian Reversal on le poutine

--Mikeeg555 01:23, 27 February 2007 (UTC)

I believe it's Canadian Language Laws/Les lois canadiennes de langue de Canada (la Province de Québec), actually. If you want to get technical. I don't. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 02:19, 27 February 2007 (UTC)

I use to call canada that :P i so want to go to canada :( n e way... bahahahaha

i ove canada (and russia in soviet russia, shirt wears you!)The preceding unsigned comment was added by Rosiitoes (talk • contribs)

I couldn't agree more with...whatever it was that you said.--Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 13:55, 13 March 2007 (UTC)

sir you canadians have no rights in ethiopia other than to be eaten The preceding unsigned comment was added by Mispantelones (talk • contribs)

/me scratches Ethiopia off of travel itinerary.Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 18:04, 25 March 2007 (UTC)

I'm fine with the Russian Reversal in two languages, but that one isn't funny. Something along the lines of "In Soviet Russia, Moose Hunts YOU!!" or something pertaining to the Royal Kilted Yaksmen is appropriate. -motion[email protected]

...Guard stands on you? He does. I met Canada's guard once. Terry is a good guy. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 00:57, 14 April 2007 (UTC)


"Parlez-vous franglais?" should be "Parlez-you franglais?" in the Language section


It depends on the dialect.--Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 00:58, 20 March 2007 (UTC)


Since the article is locked, i would like to add somethign to the army section.

Canada's Military is composed of three branches. THe Army, has one gun, 3 tanks and 454 beaver catapults for surface to air warfare. It's Navy has one submarine which cannot stay under water. The Air force uses Sea King helicopters (a misnomer since it cannot fly, is not a king, but usually does fall into the sea). All the soldiers from the Canadian Armed Forces can fit into the Montreal Olympic Stadium (true fact!!), which they do every year for the annual raising of the beavers (not true fact).

It's funniest blank. --Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 05:09, 22 April 2007 (UTC)

I don't know.... I think you should mention something about flying squirrels with nuts. Just me! Wayfarer 01:22, 14 May 2007 (UTC)

I added tumbleweeds to the military section, hope that's alright. Willy88 20:25, 28 June 2007 (UTC)

Somebody found something better than blank. Woo! Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 21:15, 28 June 2007 (UTC)

Wilde Quote[edit]

Please don't remove the Wilde quote. Every page needs least one. Arukan

"...except, of course, for all the fail." Now I might not be one of them classy folks that when to school in a schoolhouse, with a teacher and all them fancy book learnin', but...Huh? Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 03:37, 4 August 2007 (UTC)

I'm pretty sure thats decent grammar. I'll check again, but I'm pretty sure thats right. Arukan

Canada's cities near U.S. borders.[edit]

Mention perhaps, that the canadians are all at the U.S. Borders? Preparing to invade us due to lack of shaved women?

Wrong Parent[edit]

The "Mother Country" of Canada and the U.S.A. is Great Britain not England. Far too many of the governors, settlers etc came from Scotland, Wales and Ireland for these places to be considered the offspring of England alone

Britain's not so Great. Wales, neither. They even forgot the 'H'! And Scotland? Do Scots come from there? Does Ire come from Ireland? Outrageous! Now I may be a simple man, with simple ideas, a simple wife and eighteen simple children, but this here simple shotgun says "Git off my simple land". It talks to me, sometimes. /me falls asleep in rocking-chair. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 22:15, 21 December 2007 (UTC)

Note on French[edit]

“Le plus meilleur pays du monde!" actually means "The most better" not "The most good," so that should be changed. Also, it's just funnier that way.


Can someone add something about how Canada beat USA in a war? It might dampen the vandals' spirits. -- 19:19, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

You mean like this? Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 19:31, 1 May 2008 (UTC)


Even if the article is locked for whatever reason, there should be something on Canada's oh-so-special medical care. Seriously. *rolls eyes *

It's not locked. It's "partly" locked. Get an account. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 21:41, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

I have an account and I still can't edit it. The preceding unsigned comment was added by Thenooblord (talk • contribs)

In three days, you will be able to. Three majikal days! Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 21:42, 14 January 2009 (UTC)


That's a bit obscure. You mean Soviet Canuckistan, eh?

Uh, No.....--BlackSugaBabyGurl 18:27, 2 November 2008 (UTC)

Canada is mainly aboot eh? anyways. 10:23, April 3, 2010 (UTC)Goshtaasp


Thats 3 people!! They have a cat. the dog is their kid.

An outraged foreigner speaks:[edit]

It's pretty hilarious how Canadians are so fucking retarded and incapable of self-criticism that they've managed to turn an article that is supposed to rag on their country into a US-bashing thread. Fucking pathetic idiots. Their existence is so pathetic that they only way for them to even describe their country is to devote roughly half the article to the US. The preceding unsigned comment was added by (talk • contribs)

Yeah. Take that, people from Canada! Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 08:18, 17 January 2009 (UTC)


Canada fails at spelling test.


"about" occurs once, please ctl-f and ctl-v "aboot"


Canada is a totally different country to the north , it has nothing to do with the US or mexico for that matter. It's cultural exports include: Eh? ,aboot and anyways. 05:53, May 5, 2010 (UTC)Goshtaasp

Seth rogen[edit]

What is the difference between Canada and the US anyways? 06:02, May 5, 2010 (UTC)Seth rogen on canada 05:56, May 5, 2010 (UTC)Goshtaasp

fuck you[edit]

I'm Canadian and I do happen to find many joke's about Canada funny,but this was NOT funny at all.this was discriminating you ass.

1 we are a country 2 we have a lot of people 3 you know so little about us it really makes me scared of your stupidity 4 there's to much to say

so fuck you,you discriminating jackass.


I see Zap Rowsdower is not among the Canadian heroes listed. This needs to be changed.

Update: "Opening hours" in the sidebar[edit]

You have some incorrect information on just when our country is open. The hours are as follows:

Summer (June-July): 8AM-4:30PM

For convenience, this is synchronized with the operating hours of our three major banks and The Beer Store.

Winter (August-May): Closed to the public

Hope this is of some help to any potential visitors (we haven't had any yet, but still...)


you spelled Kraken wrong The preceding unsigned comment was added by (talk • contribs)

Thank you for your suggestion! When you feel an article needs fixin', please feel obligated to make whatever changes you feel are needed, (even though they'll probably be reverted 5 seconds later). Uncyclopedia is a wiki, so almost anyone can edit almost any article by almost simply following the edit link almost at the top. You don't even need to log in in most cases! (Although there are some reasons why you might like to...) The Uncyclopedia Cabal encourages you to be italic. Don't worry too much about making honest mistakes—they're likely to be found and corrected quickly, and your 6 month ban will fly by faster than you think. If you're not sure how editing works, check out proper wiki formatting, or use the sandbox to try out your vandalizing skills. User:The Woodburninator/sig3 20:10, July 10, 2012 (UTC)