Talk:Neighborhood Watch

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I always like to underline the absolute importance of stuff I want to ridicule. Want me to try some blowing-up of that in some of the chapters? I don't think it's needed all through the piece but it might work somewheres. -- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 04:23, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

Ah, well hello sir. You must have found this page via some other perhaps? Would we like you to help edit it? Um. Please do!!! Yes. MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 04:26, Aug 12
Hello - got no ideas about the watches themselves so I gotta wait a while to see where to use the blade of sarcasm to pile up an observed value over something that's like a dead duck in a pile of expectations. -- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 04:49, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
Um - which doesn't mean the article of course. Shit this humour is a difficult bidnez. -- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 04:59, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
It's the being a lazy arse and not actually editing it that's my problem... MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 05:03, Aug 12
Ideas: What if we turned the whole thing upside down for satire? Switch angle, whatchamacallit. Starting with "Neighbourhood watches have played a vital part in crime prevention ever since..." and then making the body of the article up only of examples with nothing to do with that, all the while praising the watchful eye of the heroes who partake in the action. Or, making it easier, giving in each chapter a brief historical overview (could be sporked I guess) and as an example something ridiculous like Mrs. Swantree heroically bringing to public knowledge the masturbation habit of Dr. Kranker. I'll edit one chapter to thereabouts by way of an example. -- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 05:53, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
OK, done it with Early History. I hope you both like the idea. -- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 06:19, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
It's looking great to me! MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 07:02, Aug 12
So er - want me to write the intro along the lines I suggest above? I don't know what to do about the rest though, unless that joke carries through all of it, with variations. -- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 14:40, 12 August 2009 (UTC)
Well you know, I have read your description above, but I kinda still don't get what you are suggesting. Mostly as I need sleep! But... Screw it! I think Max and myself are struggling for a direction here so if you have one go for it? I'm sure we will pick up what you are doing... There is some good material in there, so I don't think it all needs to go, but maybe what's in the intro could be worked into a different section if you wanted to have a go at the opening one now... MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 18:13, Aug 12
Sright - I did the opening paragraph over, but left the original. I think the big yellow sticker bit should be in the today-section, and everything disguised a bit more than it is now. I don't know how to disguis the mailbox nicking, for instance, but maybe at that point it can be in the open. -- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 18:40, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

Mind if I help out per User:MrN9000/Collaboration? -- [sire] EMC [TALK] 21:05, 12 August 2009 (UTC)

Wow! Nice edits EMC. Awesome. This is starting to take shape well. We are doing a great job of writing this eh MadMax. Um. Cough... :-) MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 22:52, Aug 12
Today, current neighborhood watches in communities big and small across the country installed security cams and audio recorders everywhere, so we keep an eye out on your neighbors' back yards and peep throught their windows. remember, there is no such thing as private property. 00:35, May 8, 2011 (UTC)


...I have a more concise a splanation to what I meant:

  • to write about the watches as if they were heroes in the comments outside of the ones that describe their actions
  • to make it plain between lines, or more explicitly, they did nothing useful
  • use as samples of their actions something dorky like I've done in Early History and in the 1950's chapter.

It's good there are other elements too but I would like the final version be such that the rest supports the dorkiness of the actual action of the watches. What do you think, all of you? -- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 05:39, 13 August 2009 (UTC) that the contrast between the perceived value of the watches and their actual action provides the humour. In practice, I would like the structure of the chapters be something like this:
  • in such-and-such era, the momentous things that affected and modified the watches were (such-and-such) and consequently (this, whatever it was) happened. Also there was this and that.
  • our heroes the watches were ready for the challenge
  • (other details outside of the watches, if we come up with some that add to the joke)
  • Mrs. Smith told Mrs. Denisov - who had moved in from the Outside - that the park was not for dogs.-- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 05:49, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
Currently, neighborhood watch groups adapted TSA-style security screening methods. We now can search and frisk anyone we stopped in the sidewalks or in the front doors of homes to "check your trunk". Males can search men, Females can search women and no one is GHEY. We will examine suspicious activity like ethnic appearance resembling the now dead guy on the FBI/CIA most wanted posters, the presence of Islamic worship or cultural centers and any sight of women totally covered up in veils from head to toe, or brown men stare at you "mean" like its habit from the old country they took with them when they moved here. Anyone is welcome to live in our community, but NO A-RABES or MOSLEMS allowed. This is America, we don't want your kind <___> 00:35, May 8, 2011 (UTC)

For instance[edit]

As a result of these time-consuming anti-Communist efforts - since the Communists 
were very devious and the watches badly undermanned - neighborhood watches in 
the United States became largely ineffective at preventing crime. In other words,
Crime rates spiked since investigators, helped by enthusiastic volunteers, 
were too busy  trying to find reds. The joint efforts of the  police and 
the watches at  beating up suspect black people were, however, a heroic success.

How's that, EMC? -- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 05:58, 13 August 2009 (UTC)

Bloody brilliant! -- [sire] EMC [TALK] 17:47, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
Thanks - I rewrote 50's according to that tone. Also the introduction is remade. I don't know shit about 20-30's except that organised crime seems to have been born around that time. Maybe do it the same way as Early history:
  • mention the great depression
  • mention organised crime that was born as a result
  • because of this, the watches also needed a tighter organisation, so they acted
  • everyone promised to tell the others immediately if they happened to spot somebody who might be masturbating too much

Would it be good like that? -- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 19:39, 14 August 2009 (UTC)

1950's American midwestern small town suburbian neighborhood watch B&W film instructional:

We need to make sure no moar gay neighborhoods are formed later. Also to keep out creepy adult men, militant feminazis and old cheap Jewish widow/ers. And make the teenagers not be out all night, esp. teen girls breaking their virginity vows and no young boys dress in black leather jackets, because the Army draft needs a few good MEN. 00:26, May 8, 2011 (UTC)

Header for organisation[edit]

I would include the following as well:
  • Women's suffrage was granted in 1920 in the United States. Perhaps some inclusion of male-organized neighbourhood watches throughout the 20s in which men watched for the women of the neighbourhood to go out and possibly vote. Perhaps some sort of women voting paranoia amongst men similar to the 50s red scare bit we have. We could also include the same for the UK as women were not fully granted equal suffrage until about 1928 there.
  • Prohibition of alcohol in the United States (this is perhaps related to organized crime and two subject might flow well together). Perhaps a bit about neighbourhood watches being used to tip off moonshining activities and speakeasies to the authorities.
  • Maybe something about the Scopes trial, during which neighbourhood watches primarily looked out for humanzees and evolutionists who were then easily identifiable (according to propaganda) by their horns and tridents made of test tubes.
  • The Hindenburg crash, for which neighbourhood watches were thereby alerted to look out for combusting hydrogen Zeppelins. -- [sire] EMC [TALK] 20:04, 14 August 2009 (UTC)
Good stuff all. How about sneaking in some misinformation: women's suffrage never happened because of alert neighbourhood watches? Do you want to write the bit initially since you seem to have more knowledge at hand?
  • what if the USA watches reorganised to prevent organised crime but then there came the diversion of women's suffrage, and finally, since the men of the watches used their time keeping an eye on women's gatherings, they all turned into alleyway wankers and there was a decline in what the watches achieved? Could be reworded but I think one "wanker" at this part of the article will spike it up a bit, what say you? -- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 05:51, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
The Frankenstein bit: I can draw a cartoony image tomorrow: angry mob, monster hiding behind a corner. Gonna try making it in a different style from that other I drew. Caption? -- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 15:19, 15 August 2009 (UTC)
See also Nazis, the KKK, Westboro Baptists and jack-booted thugs, goons or hoodlums. 00:28, May 8, 2011 (UTC)

Another header[edit]

I changed the missile silo bit once more - not it seems to be correct without changing the original wording much. -- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 07:58, 17 August 2009 (UTC)

How about wrapping this one up?[edit]

It's just in need of tidying up at the end. Any takers? -- Random Oranssiviiva.jpg Man 12:58, April 5, 2010 (UTC)


"Your neighborhood's most wanted: starring John Walsh, Co-anchors Nancy Grace and Jane Velez-Mitchell and anti-pedophiles Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck, and the judge-jury-jailer-executor Judge Judy, the #1 show in the national mass media to sensationalize and hype about any perceived criminal threat in our community." 00:23, May 8, 2011 (UTC)