Talk:United States of America

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This page contains profuse whining. Proceed with caution.


Doing my part to improve the suckage that is Uncyclopedia[edit]

I came across this page a couple of days ago, and was thoroughly shocked. It was such a wretched abortion, especially considering what rich fodder my beloved, beautiful country is for mockery, that I couldn't help myself, and I decided to show you pinheads "how it's done".

The result you see before you is my (still smoking -- and not quite finished) rewrite, revision, and rearrangement of this pathetic bog of terrier diarrhea. Let's term this the starting point of my nascent campaign to make Uncyclopedia as boring as, and perhaps longer than, Wikipedia itself. I fully intend to add some more images (for reference, of course), along with knee-slapping captions; if this strikes your fancy, feel free to do it yourself.

To any of you whom I have offended (by deleting your shit, or rewriting it, or overwriting it, or reverting your vandalism), I have two things to say: 1) I'm sorry...that you are such a sorry puddle of poodle puke, and 2) shut up and learn to use spell-check.

Anyway, I hope you find that this page has been improved...feel free to vandalize it, otherwise (like you need my permission). But rest assured, you fancy gentlemen...I'm almost done, and YOUR COUNTRY'S PAGE IS NEXT.Bizzeebeever 13:14, June 30, 2011 (UTC)

ATTENTION REPUBLICANS[edit]

Theres multiple British, French, German, Italian, Soviet, Russian(faux-Soviet), Chinese, Indonesian, Swazilandish and Alien articles about the place that you can go to town on (if you know where they are on the map, that is) We can take jokes

Rewrite -> yes. People dont seem to understand that they need to tie in their edits to the next sentence in the article. Reads like a bunch of profanic newspaper clippings. Change the fonts to at least so you end up with that cool ransom note feel and not just a terrible article.

Dienkonig 16:12, February 27, 2010 (UTC)

Damn!! I'm fucking crying now![edit]

Thanks for the laughs! I enjoyed it very much! Congratulations!!

Henrique

Very funny article[edit]

Thanks to the writer.lol

i think the motto should be: OMG THATS IS TOTALLY AWESOME :D

Jog Ruffy Pic[edit]

I think this article only needs one "how Americans view the world" image. Tell a funny joke 4 times in a row and it loses its kick.

Fat[edit]

I really don't give a shit as much as the next guy but seriously an entire article about us being fat is as far away from funny as you can get. The preceding unsigned comment was added by 173.15.171.13 (talk • contribs) Land of the free, home of the whopper The preceding unsigned comment was added by 99.65.217.233 (talk • contribs)

Designated obesity parking will be located in the back of the parking lot. Burn those calories bitches.The preceding unsigned comment was added by 24.113.250.134 (talk • contribs)

HISTORY[edit]

the History part should mention the minuscule dwarfness of small American "History" like title: History( 1942-today) AND should also mention the funny little American cultural inferiority complex towards us GREAT EUROPEANS who will once again RULE THE WORLD MOUAHAHGAHAAAHSHAHAHA oink!HAHAHA oink HAhaaaaaa.....mmmmh..that was funny....now ,..off to work again at Mcdonalds grmmgrllmblll... BUT nontheless in my GREAT social european welfare country.HAHAHa..tststs americans...

Friendly Neighborhood Mullah[edit]

I feel that this article should be deemed un-Islamic. DOWN WITH THE GREAT SATAN!

Polls Don't Add up[edit]

According to a recent gallup poll, only 7% of Americans believe in gravity, while 79% believe "God is keeping them on the ground with his vast mental powers," and 10% remain undecided.

If you can do the math properly, 79% + 7% + 10% = 96%. 96% is not 100%. I think it's missing the last 4%, which "refused to vote".

So it should actually be like this: According to a recent gallup poll, only 7% of Americans believe in gravity, while 79% believe "God is keeping them on the ground with his vast mental powers," 10% remain undecided, and 4% "refused to vote" due to media bias. 68.36.163.67 23:06, 14 January 2008 (UTC)

   85.204.50.87 13:22, 29 March 2008 (UTC)I think they responded this way:2000000 newtons in the face of the guy who was making the poll (with the canon).

Poles don't add, they can't count either. "Americans do it better." 71.102.1.101 15:48, July 18, 2011 (UTC)

Communists, Democrats, and Hippies[edit]

Full of fat, stupid and ignorant rednecks with their heads up thier arses and stupid enough to believe G. Bush about the war in Iraq(for you americans thats in the middle east NOT china)is about terrorists and not oil!

George Bush(need I say more) There is nothing wrong with America so there is nothing to deny. If anyone doesn't agree with America they must be a communist or a democrat who wants America to fail. The only problem I have are the Hippies the Beatles created. The Beatles Should have been deported or imprisoned, especially John Lennon.

Just the fact that you think people should have been deported or imprisoned for using their freedom of speech indicates that you have no idea what America is really about. ZING! --THE 22:22, 25 September 2007 (UTC)

The Beatles came from another country and were having a negative effect on the citizens of this great republic. It makes sense that if they didn't like America for what it was they should have not came here at all. We should have deported them. They caused problems with helping create protests against the great government of the United States.

Again, the United States isn't supposed to deport people because they cause protests. You know? Freedom of speech? Right to free protest? Ring a bell? --THE 14:06, 12 November 2007 (UTC)

Beating hippies who listen to John Lennon would be fun. If the hippies do not want to pay for peace they should be severely beaten, put on ships, and sent to a deserted island. If the hippies kill each other it will be there fault. If they can handle peace they should be in paradise. Hippies can't handle the truth. Hippies are a waste of energy.

HAHA, I love how you're totally advocating for torturing people who use their freedom of speech. It really shows your in-depth knowledge of American values. --THE 19:45, 4 December 2007 (UTC)

Hippies think they can get peace by not fighting. If some evil people want to kill innocent people for no good reason it is necessary to fight these people to bring peace to the innocent. Hippies don't get that killing or defeating the evil people can establish peace. If there were no murderers or dictators the world would be more peaceful. War can bring peace. If hippies want peace they should fight the people that deny the world peace. If hippies do not want a government that is elected by a majority of Americans they should leave the country. The constitution says We the People of the United States,...do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America. If they do not see themselves as people of the United States(American citizens) they should not be given the constitution's rights. With no constitutional rights we can beat and deport them.

I don't want to plunge into an endless debate with you. You say it is our duty to fight dictatorships, yet the type of society you're describing--where people who protest against the government are beaten and deported--sounds an awful lot like a dictatorship to me. It's the fact that people in America have the right to peacefully protest that makes it a free society. Freedom of speech man! Not "freedom of speech, unless you criticize us. Then you get tortured." That sounds more like Nazi Germany than America. America is a democracy. Aw, look at me, I said I didn't want to debate with you, but here I am doing just that. *Sigh*...peace, man. :) --THE 21:58, 5 December 2007 (UTC)

Fucking Hippies. Hippies are responsible for all the dictatorships in the world. If there were no hippies we could easily go to war and free the world of dictators. By protesting the wars hippies are stopping world peace. Hippies only care about themselves. Hippies are lazy. Hippies take The United States of America for granted. The United States of America is the greatest nation in the world. Hippies are dirty. Hippies smell. We should beat hippies not torture them. After beating them(because they are hippies) we deport them. By saying they are not Americans they are denouncing their citizenship and thus there constitutional rights. They are no more than terrorist and communists. The hippies should be converted, move to another country, or beaten and deported. America is a republic.

First of all, "hippies" say nothing about not being American, they simply have the AUDACITY to speak out against the government, something that the declaration of independence says people not only have the right to do, they have a responsibility to speak out against corruption. Secondly, I don't even know what you mean by "hippies," as they were only around for a few years in the Vietnam War. I'll say for the second time that I don't want to get into an argument with you...just try doing a little research on "inalienable rights," "right to free protest," "freedom of speech," just to start. Beating and deporting people for speaking out is not American. It's Iranian. If that's even a word. --THE 17:35, 8 December 2007 (UTC)
If yer not likin' the YOOnited Staytes, yoo can moove tah duh Soviyet YOOniun.   Le Cejak <-> (Dec 8 / 17:56)

Hippies caused this great republic to abandon the Vietnamese and leave Vietnam. The Constitution says in Article 4 Section 4, "The United States shall guarantee to every State in this Union a Republican Form of Government". The Constitution does not guarantee citizens of the United States a democractic form of government. As citizens of the United States we should push to amend the constitution to exclude hippies as citizens of the United States of America. Then we can beat and deport all of them. Being a hippie is not American.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." United States Constitution. Amendment One. Freedom of Speech. protest peacefully. Hippies had a right to protest without being "beaten and deported." As much of a right to express theiFreedom to r opinions as you have a right to express yours, and I have a right to express mine. I've had enough of arguing with you. America is "the land of the FREE," not "the land of the free--unless you protest against the government. Then you're clubbed ruthlessly and deported." That is not the type of society the constitution describes. The way to fight dictatorships is NOT to become one. Thanks for sharing, though. --THE 13:39, 9 December 2007 (UTC)

The Congress, whenever two thirds of both Houses shall deem it necessary, shall propose Amendments to this Constitution, or, on the Application of the Legislatures of two thirds of the several States, shall call a Convention for proposing Amendments, which, in either Case, shall be valid to all Intents and Purposes, as part of this Constitution, when ratified by the Legislatures of three fourths of the several States, or by Conventions in three fourths thereof, as the one or the other Mode of Ratification may be proposed by the Congress; Provided that no Amendment which may be made prior to the Year One thousand eight hundred and eight shall in any Manner affect the first and fourth Clauses in the Ninth Section of the first Article; and that no State, without its Consent, shall be deprived of its equal Suffrage in the Senate. We can amend the Constitution to exclude hippies from the First Amendment so they will have no freedom of speech. Then we can beat and deport them. They are not Americans. They need to be removed from American society. Hippies make America look bad. If they believe they can have peace through love, not war they should go to Iran and North Korea where they would be imprisoned for protesting the government.

So you seriously think a constitutional amendment making an opinion a crime worthy of bludgeoning and deportation would help our country? It would make us exactly like Iran and North Korea, the two dictatorships you cited. Hippies have as much a right to their opinion as you have a right to yours. --THE 22:04, 9 December 2007 (UTC)

We would not torture or bludgeon the hippies, we would just beat them. We should send them to a deserted island where they will be forced to govern themselves. If they can successfully govern themselves through peace and love, they have their own island and will prove to everyone that they were right. If they starve to death or go to war with themselves hippies will prove that they are wrong. It is up to the hippies what will happen on the island. If they are wrong they can denounce their hippieness and can become United States citizens again. if they are right they will be given their citizenship back. This will prevent a conflict between the hippies and the United States. Hippie beating will be used to show U.S. citizens how great it is to be free. It is not an opinion it is a unproven fact, and yes it can help.

Look, would you go away? I thought we were done with this argument? You have your opinion, and I have mine. It was nice arguing with you. Merry Christmas. --THE 11:59, 13 December 2007 (UTC)

Freedom of speech, freedom of the press, the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances gives me the right to protest against hippies. The conistitution gives me not only a right to protest hippies but as you stated("...something that the declaration of independence says people not only have the right to do, they have a responsibility to speak out against corruption."), since the hippies are corrupt and have an impact on the U.S. government I have the right to protest for the government to make a constitutional amendment that makes hippies that denounce the U.S. government not citizens. I have a right to call for the beating and deporting of hippies following the ratification of the amendment to the constitution. It would only be a bad decision if hippies were not given and sent for free to their own island.

You have a right to get off this talk page. Ya wanna do that please? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 11:43, Dec 14

Hippies have a right to not be hippies. will all the hippies stop being hippies? Probably not. The hippies should go away from the United States of America. You have the right and duty to protest against hippies. You have the same rights as I do. Do you want to protest for a constitutional amendment to make hippies not U.S. citizens so we can deport them?

Hippies have as much a right to be hippies as you have a right to dislike them. Merry Christmas. --THE 00:32, 21 December 2007 (UTC)

"There is nothing wrong with America so there is nothing to deny." Wrong. In the Revolutionary War (of USA) our country got the freedom to determine their future. Then they thought this meant they could determine everyone else's future too. I'll bet a hundred to one the CIA will assasinate me if I were a political leader and I said that. Then they'll deny it. To quote Professor Wuir, "America was founded by a bunch of rich white supremacists who didn't want to pay taxes." P.S. Its called the "USA" not "America". You are insulting everyone on these two continents of the Americas (except the USAians) by saying that. Xx 23:36, 26 January 2008 (UTC)

Who's the close-minded idiot who started this, anyway??? STFU.

LIBERALS AND COMMIES AND ARABS AND JOHN LENNON AND UNCYCLOPEDIA ARE DESTROYING AMERICA[edit]

85.204.50.87 13:16, 29 March 2008 (UTC)AAAA AAA AAAA AAAA,AAAAA(fuck off this page,idiot) It's all their fault that that war in Iraq took so long to win, and why we neither won nor lost Vietnam. Especially not lost. With the addition of "satire" sites like this, America might not be the greatest country in the entire universe for long! But seriously, what's with these "satire" things, huh? Did you ever notice how they are always promoting whichever viewpoint that I disagree with? OPEN YOUR EYES PEOPLE!! THE TRUTH IS ALL AROUND US! UNCYCLOPEDIA IS CONSPIRACY RUN BY A CABAL OF ARABS, NAZIS, AND COMMUNISTS!!! LOVE IT OR GO TO GITMO FOR TORTURE! BURN THE HIPPIES! NUKE THE WHALES!!!!!!!!!!! - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:35, Dec 10

I DISRESPECTFULLY DISAGREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?   Le Cejak <-> (Dec 14 / 11:45)

I agree, except not all arabs are bad. Most arabs are good. Both Uncyclopedia and Wikipedia are destroying America with their liberal views. The preceding unsigned comment was added by a person who loves to buttfuck liberals (talk • contribs)

NOPE SORRY YOU ARE WRONG WRONG WRONG BECAUSE YOU DISAGREE WITH ME, AND I AM ALWAYS RIGHT. DON'T YOU KNOW THAT DISAGREEING WITH ME MAKES YOU WRONG, BECAUSE I AM ALWAYS RIGHT? DID I MENTION THAT I AM ALWAYS RIGHT? I REFUSE TO LISTEN TO ANYONE ELSE'S POINT OF VIEW. ALSO, I AM GLAD THAT WE AGREE TO NUKE THE WHALES. THEY ARE A MENACE, YOU KNOW. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 11:46, Dec 17

I THINK WE SHOULD NUKE ALL THE RED LIGHTS AND JUST FUCKIN' ACT NORMAL AND HUNT THOSE ASSHOLE UNICRONZ TO ECKSTINCTION I DISAGREE I HATE YOU YOU SUCK YOU DAMN LIBERALS/CONSERVATIVES   Le Cejak <-> (Dec 17 / 21:45)

I THINK YOU SHOULD STOP DISAGREEING WITH ME, MISTER, OR I'LL CALL MINITRUE RIGHT NOW AND HAVE YOU DEPORTED WITH THE REST OF THE HIPPIE SCUM, DID I MENTION THAT I HATE THEM BECAUSE THEY DISAGREE WITH ME? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 22:39, Dec 17
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SCREAMING YOU LIBERAL ASSHOLE I HAT HATE HAET HTAE LIBERULZ THEY R DEADBEAT POT ADDICTS I SUGGEST THAT WE RAPE KILL ALL OF THEM YOU SUCK I DISAGREE WITH U UTTERLY AND COMPLETLEY U SUCK   Le Cejak <-> (Dec 17 / 23:15)

Yes, nuke all the whales except for the ones in zoos. Beat and deport the hippies. Bomb evil Arabs. Convert communists. Eliminate all memories of John Lennon. Burn all books that have the word hippie in them. Make vegetarians butcher cows. waterboard the hippies. Only then will the world be truly free.

IS YOU BEEING SARCAZTICK?????!??!?!??!?!??!?!??!??!?!?!??!?!?!??!?!?   Le Cejak <-> (Dec 17 / 23:30)
NO HE MAKES SEVERAL GOOD POINTS, SUCH AS NUKING THE WHALES AND KILLING THE HIPPIES, WHICH WE SHOULD SURELY DO, AS THOSE WHO DO NOT SHARE MY VIEWPOINTS MUST BE RUTHLESSLY BENEVOLENTLY SLAUGHTERED. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 23:44, Dec 17

If we don't nuke the whales the so called global warming will kill them. Hippies caused the U.S. to leave vietnam. Communists caused Vietnam. John Lennon created the hippies. Hippies suck. Vegetarians complain. Hippies deserve torture. Without these people, the world would be a better place.

HEY YOU WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GLOBAL WARMING. IT IS A MYTH, CREATED BY SATAN'S SERVANTS WHO ARE ALLOWED TO LIVE BY GOD AND JESUS AS A TEST FOR TRUE BELIEVERS, JUST LIKE EVOLUTION AND THE REST OF THAT "SCIENCE". IT IS EVIL!!! AND IT SHOULD ALSO BE NOTED THAT THERE IS ONE PERSON WHO IS WORSE THAN JOHN LENNON: SEE HERE. JUST LOOK AT HIS BLATANT LIBERAL LEANINGS AND HIPPIE-MAKING NATURE. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon.gif(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 00:15, Dec 18

Global warming is not real, but it is a good excuse to get the envir...Make the environmentalists eat dirt.. Global warming is a good excuse to nuke the whales. This is one of the songs that everyone should be forced to listen to, American or foreign.[1]

  • comment removed*

To the comment above me: What country do you live in? What is your religion? Lastly, have you actually met an American citizen? - C_K

Ok so I'm an American and i don't agree with our government nor do i agree that we are all being generalized as stupid fat lazy rednecks yes we have stupid fat lazy rednecks and because of some anomaly we still have ignorant fucks in the white house but that doesn't make us all dumb fat blindly religious hicks granted i know a few The preceding unsigned comment was added by 209.124.150.151 (talk • contribs)

Education suggestion[edit]

I think this would be a cool addition to the education section:

Typical day in an American classroom.

Teacher: Can anyone tell me where Guam is located?

Student: Gum?

Teacher: No Guam.

Class: ..........

Teacher: Guam, it's an island, does anyone know where it is?

Student: In the ocean.

Class: (laughs)

Teacher: Seriously, someone has to know this.

Student: Puerto Rico.

Teacher: (sits down and smokes a cigarette)

Class: (smoking marijuana, sleeping, or making out)

By the way, I'm an American, I'm sure there's a lot of people that would be offended by this stuff, but I find it funny. I can take a joke. I've created this dialogue based on an actual event in my school. A little exaggerated, but after all, this is Uncyclopedia. Also, I was the one that said "in the ocean" when it actually happened.

Need to Mention Missouri's independance[edit]

I may have missed it, but I saw no mention of Missouri's declaration of independence from the US...

Ridiculously Pro-American Version?[edit]

Since there's two versions of George Bush, one insanely liberal, another insanely conservative, I think it would be a good Idea to have a ridiculously ultra conservative, pro America page that would make Rush Limbaugh be ashamed of. Come on, I know some one wants to.

There is one. --190.43.171.187 03:59, 11 June 2008 (UTC)

usa sucks fanno schifo

Fact[edit]

The content of this article is a factually accurate scientific exploration of America and the article should have a warning that information contained on the page is fact, not fiction.

No not really. The entire article is ridiculously anti-amiercan. There is bias in every section of the article. Nothing wrong with insulting and making fun of America as it has many issues and faults, but this page does it so much that it ceases to be funny. I'd also like to point out that Britian's page fails miserably in pointing out the many flaws that the country has. At least in a humerous way.

The George Bush page is a picture perfect example of how to mock America and Americans without looking like you're smoking propaganda and high on British/English Nationalism. There's a way to bash a nation albeit with it being funny at the same time.

I will be worried when the day comes that the U.S. stops getting ridiculed; it means that we will no longer be relevant. Ask the Brits and the French about that scenario...

But everyone ridicules the French..... The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 20:18, 15 July 2008 (UTC)
Good thing the Left is back, because the Right screwed up America after 28 years in power of any branch of the government. The problem is many of us hate Obama but previously elected him into office to prevent another "Bush" in the white house. Democracy is weakening in a country where democracy is thought to be born and raised in (Wrong kiddo, it was the Nicks er Greeks who invented it).+ PotatoSmut 11:18, November 12, 2009 (UTC)

Let's make it funnier[edit]

I'm French, and I find the article on France funnier than the one on the USA. The whole fund comes from toying with the cliches (hey, a french word) not simply bashing the topic.

For the Topic on America's History, I would certainly have fun seeing a link : "See French Military" tied to the matching page in uncyclopedia.

Read America - The Book, and get some inspiration.

Hey, I don't get the joke "Queen "NOT" Elton John". I just don't get it. Elton John is an English singer so how is this funny?--Irysh 02:04, November 23, 2010 (UTC)

Young Americans for work[edit]

Generation Y as in "Young and jobless, and pissed" will be our next problem for the 2010's. You think the Emo was a passing fad, how about them bad apples enter the workforce? Watch out, US Postal service, that Emo has a gun. These aren't hippies nor yuppies, but a whole new bunch of Americans who are the wave of the future. + PotatoSmut 11:18, November 12, 2009 (UTC)

Ass holes[edit]

Who the hell do you fucking ass holes think you are? most Americans aren't fat retards. Hell, that picture with the sex machine thing isn't accurate to how fat most Americans that are fat are. Jesus this article is so Anti American it isn't even funny. I hate George Bush but just because he is bad doesen't mean the people are bad. You ass holes don't even know what you are talking about. You have a lot to learn about the U.S.

You know what? You're right! We should be more like wikipedia, shouldn't we, guys? -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 05:39, 31 August 2008 (UTC)

Why? He's right. My ex-wife was an American and SHE was a fat retard? What's more, we Americans aren't stupid either. (BTW, "Asshole" is one word)

Why So Anti American?[edit]

Im extreamely ofended by this!!! im american and im not fat and saying this i prove about 30 ways!

another user comment: With this kind of arguments and ideas, you are just emphasizing how stupid are the Americans when they can't make a difference between an insult and a joke. The preceding unsigned comment was added by 62.217.247.249 (talk • contribs)

What is wrong with this page?[edit]

It's like this page was written by a(n):

  • snooty british man
  • Al-Quaeda member
  • Communist (Chinese, Africa, old school soviet, take your pick.)
  • European who is ungrateful for WWII

If you happen to be any of the above, please proceed to pucker your lips and kiss my ass.

Your favorite heavy metal fan,

    Metalface (The Iron foundries) (Applications of metal)

However, there is still a possibility that a snooty, secret Al-Quaeda member, British man who happens to be from china, a member of the communist party, and is entirely ungrateful for WWII wrote this entire thing. In which case we should all pretend to be Irish and go drink till we black out.The preceding unsigned comment was added by 24.113.250.134 (talk • contribs)

Okay everyone that posted so far[edit]

  • 1.This is Uncyclopedia. If you feel offended, well, fuck you.
  • 2.Africa has no communist countries (nor is Europe, Canada, Mexico and for the exception of China, Cuba, Vietnam or No. Korea).
  • 3.And you only fought in WWII because the japanese were kicking your asses, so don't begin with the ungratefull because you were selfish all along (but again, everyone's selfish. I'm selfish).

So, if you americans don't like to be called fat retards, well, don't be assholes. :or lose weight...~Falconfly 22:03 11/April/09. ]

Map[edit]

I think the map would be funnier if it was all colored in blue, just highlighting Iran is not that funny

To the complaining Americans[edit]

God, get over yourselves. Every country gets made fun of badly by the uncyclopedia articles. I'm sure you would be happy if every other country but america got made fun of. That is the american mindset after all: that every other country is weird or fucked up and only america is wonderful and normal.

To the complainers complaining about the complaining Americans[edit]

Why don't you just go back to Alaska where you belong and leave us Americans alone. It's not our fault your country's so messed up. (That goes for you Hawaiians too!)

"leave us Americans alone" Well here is the deal. Every other country on Earth would be happy to leave you alone, in fact ignore you, if you didn't invade, bomb, corrupt and exploit them whilst also sponsoring terrorism and despots.
Well well well... Who's lost their sense of humor now? (Sorry, 'humour' for you Brit lovers)

-To the unfunny complainers complaining about the complainers complaining about the complaining Americans. Get a sense of humor! As for being American, I thought this article was a little offensive but nether less funny.

HATEFUL VS FUNNY[edit]

¨The United States of America (AKA "'Shirley'" on Friday Nights AKA "The place that stole the names of everywhere else"), is the most hated country on Earth. It was supposed to be a collection of semi-autonomous entities known as "States" (except for 4 known as "Commonwealths"... a term some guy conjured up after too many bong hits). These States (okay, okay... and four Commonwealths) allegedly had just as much power as their Government, if not more, back when the United States was a young Republic. Which brings to mind the tale of how Shirley, err.. The United States became a country:¨

IS THAT FIRST PARAGRAPH SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY??? I DON´T WANNA READ ´MOST HATED COUNTRY ON EARTH´ ON THE FIRST SENTENCE OF MY COUNTRY. Otherwise, I think this article is funny except for some parts that seem a bit ´politically accurate´.

This hasn't gotten any funnier since my account was supended[edit]

I've noticed something: While America is brutally ridiculed, Most of Europe gets an easy ride. And the article on britain is one big kiss in the ass for the most warlike and imperialist people on earth. The articles on Islam? Pretty much the same.

Metalface (The Iron foundries) (Applications of metal)

Hmmm...[edit]

I wonder if this article can ever be improved? It's less funny than it is offensive (I'm American); it just seems like some angry British guy wrote this while high on LSD (no offense meant to any Brits reading this). Maybe we should just delete it. --—Mazaka (talk) 02:04, 25 August 2009 (UTC)

Looking at it, it is retarded and graceless, but its too notable to delete. --Mn-z 16:57, September 2, 2009 (UTC)

Quote to add[edit]

"Y'all know we can blow the shit out of everyone of you, right?" --Man with the launch codes. The preceding unsigned comment was added by Billiam4453 (talk • contribs)

Quotes[edit]

"America is a good nation and does not deserve the racism it recieves from other countr......... I'm sorry i just couldn't say that sentence without wetting my pants."

People with an IQ above 3 (Humanity excluding the USA) on America The preceding unsigned comment was added by 86.24.2.174 (talk • contribs)

What's sad...[edit]

...is that people on this talk page are actually taking this article seriously... I mean, I'm American and I'm still laughing my ass off.

Good for you[edit]

If you look carefully at the spelling you will see that much of this has been written by Americans themselves, ones with a good sense of humour obviously.

For those who still take offence, you know what they say, don't get mad, get even(but make sure it's funny).

--Crúach 14:44, December 24, 2009 (UTC)


could someone add this in[edit]


 !

There is currently a State of Emergency within the United States, due to a possible NUCLEAR ATTACK. Turn to your local media for IMPORTANT INFORMATION. The DUCK AND COVER procedure should be done AT ONCE.


thanks The preceding unsigned comment was added by 80.7.57.231 (talk • contribs)

lets face it: THE USA IS OFFICALLY THE MOST ANNOYINY... ANYTHING.. ON THE PANET! US= CANDADA' (HAVE I SPELT THAT RIGHT? NOT THAT I CARE. AT ALL) BITCH. BYOU MAKE AUSTRIA SEEM A PLACE WHERE THERE ARE NO DUNBGEONS OR NAZIS

I REALLY HOPE THIS WARNING IS A JOKE. IF IT ISN'T WERE F*******!!! The preceding unsigned comment was added by 92.11.114.65 (talk • contribs)

Not funny ...[edit]

The problem with this is that it isn't funny (and this is coming from an Australian living in Canada). It is borderline insulting ... there's a difference between funny and insult. Someone should try to actually make it funny, because there's a lot to work with. I'd do it myself but don't want to. The preceding unsigned comment was added by 72.39.210.23 (talk • contribs)

Rubbish, this is funny. I can tell from some of the jokes and seeing quite a few satirical articles in my time.The preceding unsigned comment was added by 76.105.175.119 (talk • contribs)
No, I think you might find what you're describing as funny to actually be childish. The preceding unsigned comment was added by 93.97.117.39 (talk • contribs)


Look, this page is not funny. It is just one long rant made up by a British guy who can't spell. This article is crap and their is a lot of people who agree to this opinion. The whole thing must have been written when some 13 year-old British kid was high or drunk, because it makes on sense at all. Also read a history book, it will say that the US was involve in WWII through the Lend-Lease Program before the US officially joined the war.

Here is some reasons why it is not funny.....

  • 1.This is the lamest article on Uncyclopedia.
  • 2.Who ever wrote this can't spell.
  • 3.It is just one long angry rant by a 13 year-old drunk British kid.
  • 4. Just look at the number of people who responded "this is not funny."--Irysh 03:54, November 21, 2010 (UTC)

So much freakin' Whining it's unbelievable...[edit]

Seriously, this is UNCYCLOPEDIA, not "Political Bullshit and Opinions Wiki"...

This is a JOKE...as with all jokes...people get offended...

for example:

"Why did the chicken cross the road?" Could be considered Discrimination against Chickens.

I'm a patriotic American and a born and raised conservative and even I thought this article was funny. The preceding unsigned comment was added by 68.82.150.70 (talk • contribs)

Wow, time for a re-write[edit]

This article is an abysmal mess. I think there needs to be a collaborative effort to deal with this giant hunk of crap. --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 22:42 EST 13 Feb, 2010

I don't know if that's even possible. This is one of the most heavily contributed-to pages on Uncyc, edited almost exclusively by anti-American IPs and such. If anything, I think deleting it and redirecting to America would be a better solution. —Paizuri MUN Talkpage My Contributions 04:05, 14 February 2010 (UTC)
I'm doing it, if someone doesn't object within the next 48 hours, I'm adding a rewrite tag and referring this page to the proper authorities, such as Der Unwehr. This article is atrocious, but too notable to not exist. --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 00:17 EST 2 Mar, 2010
It already has a rewrite tag. It's categorized under {{Rewrite/Hard}}; the thing with the steamroller. If you wanna rewrite it, though, I'll be happy to help. —Paizuri MUN Talkpage My Contributions 05:43, 2 March 2010 (UTC)
I came across the article this morning and redid a lot of it- way too many pictures for the article. But maybe that's a joke in itself that us Americans can't read anything besides a picture book (which is true)? Thatdamnedfollowspot Wait, what were we talking about again? 19:56, August 6, 2010 (UTC)
AmericanhistoryX.png
I put this together for the cause!!! Lordarcadian 02:56, July 24, 2010 (UTC)


Okay...[edit]

I thought I would let you all know I've been toying with a rewrite of this article. I'm not quite sure if the concept is working or not... you can check it out here though User:Skinfan13/United States of America -- Sf13 Upsilonsigmasigmacrest.PNG 00:36 EST 29 July, 2010

Okay, fine I will tell you why I find this article to be NOT FUNNY[edit]

  • First, I want to say that I consider myself to be a liberal-pinko, gay marriage, gays openly serving in the military, big competent government, government regulation of Wall Street and the private sector, socialized medicine loving-registered Democrat and I found this article to be NOT FUNNY and OFFENSIVE. There are way too many stereotypes and hate talk about my country and my fellow Americans without anything to balance it off. For example, what is #### supposed to mean? If you want to say something offensive then say it; the whole ##### is stupid. Moreover, how many times can you associate America/Americans with being fat, committing genocide, and enslavement? Really, if you want to make fun of our history then that’s fine, but come on, we are not the only country in the world that eradicated and/or enslaved a native population. Hell, the Spanish, Belgians, French, Portuguese, and English were enslaving and/or eradicating native populations on multiple continents for centuries and some of them started before there even was a United States of America. I understand that this is Uncyclopedia and this article is supposed to be funny, but this article is just crap. It seems that this was written by an angry 13-year British kid who doesn't know history nor understand what humor is (oh, by the way in America we spell humor, not humour).--Irysh 23:53, November 15, 2010 (UTC)