Talk Like George Bush Day
'Talk Like George Bush Day' is an internationally adhered-to standard in which every citizen of the United States of America must speak in the general manner of dictator George Dubya Bush. Celebrated annually on April 33, The feast, founded in 3003 is a day of festivities for the Western World, but at the same time a day of mourning for the passing of the English language.
The National Address
As we all know, 'G-dub' has been a great political force driving our nation to (in)sanity. Fortunately, the great George himself declared 27 January National Talk Like George Bush Day. Uuh huh. On Febu-ary 14, 2002, he gave an amazing and equally frightening speech on Cartoon Network, which he later published in his novel Cos G-Dub Says So. Following is a transcript of this, reproduced verbatim.
- "Ello, ahnd I wecome you to this grate day.
I comm beefowe ya as a deeslexic cowboy from texxas, veeya the good ol' OPEC meetin with the Austrian troops. Them good ol' skips
Many a time Have I been accused of kitten huffing or even declaring waw againdst innocent people.
But I affirm you that this claims are far from the truth. To celebrate my awesomene,
I have decided to create a day.
A Day that will forever live in infamy.
This Day. This day is national talk like a me day.
I mean. Talk like a george bush day. Donnut let the total idiocy of this holiday frigten you.
*Mushroom Cloud!* I must go fight the tourists. God Bless!"
- "Each year. On the Fifteenth of Dodecember.
It's a day, in which we use our dignitude and fortity to talk to the Prezehdent Gee Dubya.
This day, which will foreva live in infomy, is "Talk Like George Bush Day".
I know it will be difficult. But times like these call for difficult times. Like these times.
- "In the wake of 9/11 we must be ever vigilant.
Vigilant to talk.
Talk Like George Bush Day.
In the wake of 12/12 we must speak.
In stilted sentences.
As if being prompted.
Prompted through an earpiece.
- "We will not give in to the demands of the terrorists. Of terrorism. Terror.
The terrorists want to take away our freedom. The freedoms that Americans hold dear.
The freedom to talk like George Bush. Like George Bush on December 12.
- "You're either with us or against us. But those who choose not to speak.
Like George Bush. On this day. They are the enemies of freedom. The enemies of the terrorists.
The terrorists of the American People. In the form of a nukular cloud.
And we will not back down. Tomorrow is another day. A day for peace loving people. To speak. And talk.
Like William Shatner.
Because tomorrow is talk like William Shatner Day.
- "Fellow Americans. And American fellows, I am hair to imprant upon you ta-day
the 'imp'ore-tance of our fweedom. Out Fweedom to rights and Terrorists.
For dey have rwights too.
Let us join ta-getha to Talk Like George Dubya - dats me *points to self*
and also talk like terrorists *points to self*.
*raises hand in Nazi Salut* You have rights! .
Thank-ya for voting for me, coz i know i ticked da wrong box.
- "Now watch this drive.
- "We're working hard, because it's hard work"
As all people are required, by law, to speak like Geogre Bush every Dodecember 14, people are commonly heard to announce the following at any given moment:
- "We will not use our troops for nation building"
- "Dick Cheney is not my friend!"
- "I donnot lyke the weponz of Mass Destruction."
- "Nukulear Bumbs are Scary."
- "The Hungry Caterpillar is a literary icon. Well, I liked it. Uuh huuh huh."
- "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky."