Template:DYK

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  • …that half of all American schoolchildren graduate in the bottom 50% of their class?

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  • …that almost every ellipsis is followed by the word "that"?

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  • …that there are more germs on your keyboard than there are atoms in the rest of the universe?

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  • …that the square root of computer graphics is a pixel?

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  • …that you… Please read the Beginner's Guide, and please be funny and not just stupid. You agree to license submissions under CC-BY-NC-SA 2.0.

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  • that the "About Vassar" page from the Vassar College website lists 34 different statistics? 24 of them are absolute values and roughly 32% are either ratios or percentages.

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  • …that the Internet is a series of tubes?

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  • …that this website may contain words, or traces of words?

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  • …that Mr. Tambourine Man won't take another Bob Dylan request?

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  • …that in 1983 a short, brown haired man named Tom read the dictionary to check for spelling mistakes, and upon finding a word he believed to be misspelt he consulted his dictionary, only to find that the word was spelt correctly?

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  • …that Uncyclopedia is riddled with subliminal messages? DRINK COCA COLA

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  • …that two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane?

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  • …that the average male under 30 thinks about sex on average every 9 seconds and that the average person over 50 thinks about outliving their retirement income on average every 5 seconds?

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  • …that the more you run over a dead cat the flatter it gets?

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  • …that the day of the storm is not the time for thatching?

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  • …that Methodists can only listen to the Wu Tang Clan?

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  • …that censorship is a tactic practiced by oppressive governments who believe in upholding an arbitrary social standard for the so-called "good of the people" while simultaneously imposing their peremptory moral values on their unwilling populace by dictating what is and what is not necessary for them to experience?

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  • …that the theory that amputation of the left leg is a cure for the common cold is not widely accepted in medical circles?

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<option>

  • …that there was never actually a man from Nantucket (fuck it)?

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<option>

  • …that if more societies burned environmentalists instead of coal, CO2 emissions could be cut by up to 40%?

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<option>

  • ...that 99% of heroin users started out on milk?

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  • ...that due to international copyright laws, U Can't Touch This?

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  • ...

that if you were wearing 3D glasses right now, this sentence would knock you unconscious?

that if you were wearing 3D glasses right now, this sentence would knock you unconscious?

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  • ...that the U.S. Government invented l33t for use in printing license plates on its cars to track which department they belonged to? Thus, a common plate for a Postal Serice-owned car reads "P05741", a CIA-owned vehicle reads "5PY0NU", and an IRS-owned vehicle reads "74X35-D347H".

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  • ...that zebras don't have stripes, and every single picture you've seen of them has been Photoshopped?

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<option>

  • ...that since haste makes waste, and slow and steady wins the race, it follows that everybody who loses a race must therefore be charged with littering?

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  • ...that there is no other word for thesaurus?

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  • ...that it was Colonel Mustard in the Billiard Room with Your Mom?

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  • ...that the Holocaust is a controversial but hilarious subject?

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  • ... that the Google Adverts here are sometimes funnier than the stories? Why not click one!

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<option>

  • ... that Diet Santa dresses in white, has no beard and very few teeth?

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<option>

  • ...that the phrase "Did You Know" is copyrighted by Scholastic Publishing and this website is currently being sued for unauthorised use?

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  • ...that, following Greenpeace protests, it was made illegal to eat cheese taken from the moon?

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<option>

  • ... that this is not a pipe?

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<option>

  • ...that it's probably not the weekend (The chance is 5/7)?

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<option>

  • ...that instead of eating or drinking, Mr. T absorbs the crushed self-esteem of the fools he has pitied?

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<option>

  • ...that Jesus can walk on water?
  • ...that Jesus loves you, but everybody else thinks you're a dick?

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<option>

  • ...that I give a shit only after taking laxatives?
    • ...that chocolate-flavoured Ex-Lax works splendidly?

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  • ...that there are, in fact, several wrong ways to eat a Reese's?

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<option>

  • ...that a bird in hand is better than crabs in your bush?

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  • ...that Gerry Adams IS the Lord of the Dance?

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<option>

  • ...that oldthinkers unbellyfeel Unped?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that James Bond fought for our freedom on numerous occasions, yet not one single day is set aside in his honour?

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<option>

  • ...that the shampoo adverts were lying; you are in fact not worth it?

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<option>

  • ...that there are at least three other businesses like show business?

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<option>

  • ...that people in New York change careers as often as their underwear?

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  • ...that July is National Boycott Websites that Insult Their Contributors Month? See ya in August, asswipe!

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<option>

  • ...that more than 200,000 people die every year of papercuts?

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  • ...that Journey only appears to have eight letters?

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<option>

  • ...where your children were at 11PM last night?
  • ...that God made children so annoying on purpose so people wouldn't have too many of them?

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<option>

  • ...that in 1804, Lewis and Clark set forth across America only to discover... themselves?

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<option>

  • ...that, according to Steven Tyler, a reason for losing your mind sure can be the fact of going crazy?

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  • ...that Elvis assassinated JFK with his partner in crime, the Lindbergh baby?

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  • ...that Billy Joel is an accredited driving instructor?

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  • ...that although Gridley Bryant invented many railroad technologies in the 1820s, he never wrote any of the Thomas the Tank Engine books?

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  • ...that Beaver College changed its name to Flange College because it "too often misled wildlife conservationists"?

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<option>

  • ...that in a pinch, hydrogen peroxide can be substituted for alcohol in most cocktails?

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<option>

  • ...that a coping saw is used to overcome weight loss, alcoholism, and gambling addictions?

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  • ...that everyone else is generally recognized as the largest and most diverse ethnic majority on Earth?

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  • ...that Insult Sword Fighting is the official national sport on Monkey Island?

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  • ...that the maximum number of cats you can juggle is fourteen, after which you can juggle no more?

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  • ...that the Sun God's gift of cancer is honourable?

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  • ...that some species of turtle are remarkably resistant to centrifugal force, and can reach upwards of 5000 rpm before their wee little flippers fall off?

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  • ...that Mussolini's favourite film was Land Before Time IV?

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  • ...that Tolstoy had to completely rewrite his manuscript for War and Peace when his hard drive crashed?

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  • ...that due to its evil, Planet Rupert is invisible to anyone who is pure of heart?

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<option>

  • ...that two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left?
    • ...that two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do?
      • ...that four lefts make a circle?

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  • ...that at the moment, I'm not wearing any pants?

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  • ...that all wooden legs are sold with a kick-stand?

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  • ...that questions end in question marks? Not with periods. Or exclamation points!

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Asiphus.jpg
  • ...that after Fantasy Island, that guy who yelled "Da plane, da plane!" would return to his native Iraq to serve government official Dr. Asiphus Al Hussein ?

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  • ... that you have partial custody and may only see your base on weekends?

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<option>

  • ...that the world is NOT actually your oyster, it belongs to ME - ALL MINE!!

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  • ...that the flooding of New Orleans was actually caused by a suicide plumber?

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<option>

  • ...that I just saved 15% on my car insurance by switching to Gecko?

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  • ...that most superheroes wish they were working part-time? Quality day-care is hard to find these days.

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  • ...that at four o'clock all the honest politicians will shrink down to two feet?

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  • ...that encoded into the dot of the "i" in the well-known phrase "Tesco - Every Little Helps" is a carefully worded contract binding your soul and all earthly estate to the will of Beelzebub, our Dark Lord and Master?

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  • ...that when you play the album 'The Last Tour on Earth' by Marilyn Manson backwards you can actually hear the voice of Jesus spreading the gospel?

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<option>

  • ...that life is a sexually transmitted disease with a 100% fatality rate?

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<option>

  • ...that I'm the last Prophet of God?

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<option>

  • ...that Oceania is at war with Eurasia (it has always been at war with Eurasia)?
    • ...that the above message is two minutes out of date? Oceania is at war with Eastasia, fool!

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<option>

  • ...that Phil the mechanic has the keys to my garage?

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  • ...that 75% of all Did you knows are made by 12-year-old bed wetters? - Hey shut up man, you're not playing the game. - You shut up! - No you shut up! - Look, all of you just shut up!

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<option>

  • ...that you have the right to remain silent, and that anything you say can and will be used against you?

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<option>

  • ...that in the criminal justice system the people are represented by two separate, yet equally important groups: the police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders, and that these are their stories, doink doink?

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<option>

  • ...that you are likely to be eaten by a Grue?

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<option>

  • ...that you are likely to be eaten by a Gruiform?

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<option>

  • ...that only one of these men is the real Spartacus - the other two are impostors. Panel, read along with me, if you will: "I am Spartacus. I was born and raised as a slave. In 73 BC I led a historic slave rebellion against the Roman upper-class. Our battle against the Roman legions, became known as the Third Servile War. Signed Spartacus."
  • ...that my name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius - father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next?
  • ...that my name is Biggus Dickus, and I wank highly in wome?

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<option>

  • ...that you were always dead on the inside?

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<option>

  • ...that when you clap, you're really giving yourself a High Five?

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<option>

  • ...that if you put a polythene bag around your head, you can stay underwater indefinitely?

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<option>

  • ...that it's not the cough that carries you off but the coffin they carry you off in?

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<option>

  • ...that if you laid out all of the nerves in your body end-to-end, you'd die?

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<option>

  • ...that the Hokey Pokey really is what it's all about?

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<option>

  • ...that it was I who let the dogs out?

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<option>

  • ...that an astremely astonishing asperiment has show that acessive asposure to Strong Bad Zone has an astraordinarily affect on grammar?

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<option>

  • ...that I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself?

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<option>

  • ...that the kingfisher, despite its name, also preys upon queens, emperors, princes, dukes, viceroys and other high-ranking members of the nobility?

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<option>

  • ...that it's beddy-bye time? Only replace "beddy" with ethnic and "bye" with cleansing.

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<option>

  • ...that four lefts actually make a square?

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  • ...that if tea and coffee are mixed together, the resulting substance closely resembles toffee?

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  • ...that verb is a noun?

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  • ...that this is a recursive interrogative sentence?

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<option>

  • ...that cookies are a "sometimes" food?

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<option>

  • ...That the Matrix had you, and then lost you in the sequel?

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  • ...that male vampires are delighted when the female vampire goes on her period?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that contrary to popular belief, it actually isn't all in the wrist?

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<option>

  • ...that in August 10, 1519 Ferdinand Magellan set out to circumsize the globe with a 100 foot clipper?

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<option>

  • ...that a comatose homosexual is both a fruit and a vegetable?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that starting up your computer in MS-DOS mode and entering 'del *.*' makes your computer run infinitely faster?

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  • ...that I can't write?
  • ...that you can't read?

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<option>

  • ...that they say that "Remember, even if you win the rat race... you're still a rat."?

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<option>

  • ...that full penetration of the subject of sexual innuendo requires a long, hard look at the target and a strong grasp of linguistic intercourse?

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<option>

  • ...that if you uncoiled the intestines of 200 people and tied them together, they would extend from the Earth to the moon?
  • ...and that William Herschel made use of this fact to engineer the first moon landing of 1910?

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  • ...THAT 8.3 IS A COMMON SHORTH~1 FOR THE LIMITS ON FILENAME LENGTH IMPOSED BY THE FAT FILESY~1 USED BY DOS AND VERSIONS OF MICROS~1 WINDOW~1?

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  • ...that I left my keys on your mom's nightstand?

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  • ...that

horizontal lines


should be used sparingly? </option>

<option>

  • ...that yo' momma so fat she got more curves than spacetime in the presence of a large mass?
  • ...and that yo' momma so dumb that when they did the wave at a baseball stadium, she drowned?

</option>

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  • ... that "this sentence is true" is not true, and neither is this one?

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  • ...that 100% of facts on Uncyclopedia are adequately sourced? [citation needed]

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  • ...that eurgs are the antipode to grues?
  • ...and that "antipode" is a very old Latin word meaning "equally nasty little creature"?

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<option>

  • ...that all of these Did You Knows are actually rhetorical questions?
  • ...No, I didn't know that.

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  • ...that all of these Did You Knows are actually rhetorical questions?
    • ...did you?
      • ...well, did you?
        • ... ANSWER ME!

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  • ... you can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish? Ha ha ha! [Takes gun out - shoots self in head]

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  • ...that during the opening sequence of Saving Private Ryan, more actors were killed than in both World Wars combined?

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  • ...that this sentence is 50% invisible?

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  • ...that Alan Smithee is the greatest film director of all times?

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  • ...that the Page with no links, unsurprisingly, has absolutely no links at all in it?

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  • ...that gazebos are very large creatures of legend, some growing as large as small houses?

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  • ...that Twilit Parasite Diababa is a giant enemy plant that comfortably resides at the bottom of a dungeon in a pool of acid?
  • ...and that Link must defeat it before it wreaks havoc on the uninhabited dungeon behind its heavily locked door?

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  • ...that a pixel is a very tiny winged fairy whose body is constantly surrounded with a square field of colour?

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<option>

  • ...that when the first explorers came upon the platypus, all but one of then converted to atheism (and not the peaceful kind either)?

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  • ...that rocks were first domesticated around the Stone Age, where they were trained to do tedious mind-numbing tasks like breaking other rocks to make rocks for breaking other rocks?

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<option>

  • ...that Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton, 1st Baron Lytton (May 25, 1803–January 18, 1873) was an English playwright, novelist, poet, and author of most-high renown, widely honoured and much acclaimed by contemporaries of his age, but also by the adoration of the common man—not simply in celebration of the rare and exceptional nature of his fluid and fertile prose, though that in no small part was highly contributive to the eventual formation of his subsequent legacy amongst the literary giants of the 19th century—but also for his artful and beguiling integration of his blessed endowment in the initiation and furtherence of a rather enviable political career?

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<option>

  • ...that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?

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  • ...that Internationally accepted SI units include the button (@), a measure of cuteness, and the radiator (Щ), a measure of cosiness?

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  • ...that if cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl?

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<option>

  • ...that 640K ought to be enough for anybody?

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  • ...that the setting of Dinosaur Comics is a post-apocalyptic dystopia, in which war, disease, and environmental disaster have reduced nearly everything to a white, featureless plain?

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<option>

  • ...that this is The Song That Never Ends?
  • ...that it just goes on and on, my friends?
  • ...that some people started singing it not knowing what it was?
  • ...that they'll continue singing it forever just because this is The Song That Never Ends?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that air guitars are similar in shape to normal guitars, with the notable difference that they are made entirely out of air?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that in psychology, Deja-vu (French for Deja vu) is the feeling that one has lived through something before?
  • ...that it was I who let the dogs out?
  • ...that in psychology, Deja-vu (French for Deja vu) is the feeling that one has lived through something before?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that the hills actually have no eyes?
  • ...that the walls actually have no ears?

</option>

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  • ...that the hills are alive with the sound of music?
  • ...that if you stop singing, you're committing murder?

</option>

<option>

  • ... that you have you have 10 minutes to move your car?
  • ... that you have 5 minutes to move your car?
  • ... that your car has been impounded?
  • .... that your car has been crushed into a cube?
  • ... that you have 10 minutes to move your cube?

</option>

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<option>

  • ... that every erection has an equal but opposite re-rection?

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<option>

  • ...that it originally referred to the Leaning Tower of Pisa?

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<option>

  • ...that when it says 'Do not try at home', it actually means 'Do not try this at all'?

</option>

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  • ... that, due to lack of interest, tomorrow has been canceled?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that my penis has its own I Pee address? Ha ha ha! [Takes gun out - shoots self in head]

</option>

<option>

  • ...that food is probably the most addictive substance known to man?
  • ...that the reason the government does not ban it is because of the tax money it gets from the food industry?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that your husband isn't really taking tennis classes every Sunday?

</option>

<option>

...that this article or section does not adequately cite its references or sources?
...and that you can improve this article by adding citations to reliable sources? (help, get involved, you pussy!)
This article has been tagged; now it's "it".

</option>

<option>

  • ...that, even though it is stated that the people performing this stunt are professionals, only 1.5% of them have graduated from college?

</option>

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</option>

<option>

  • ...that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that if you uncoiled the intestines of 200 people and tied them together, you would have 200 dead people and a bunch of useless skin in coil? (What the hell were you thinking?)

</option>

<option>

  • ...that, in one of the most heavily aired TV specials of all time, Link participated in a two-hour-long debate with Half Life alumnus Gordon Freeman, defending video game characters' rights to silence? The debate was considered inconclusive and was withheld indefinitely since neither side could speak.

</option>

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</option>

<option>

  • ... that every time you stifle a sneeze, the force of the sneeze cannot simply disappear from existence? It must manifest elsewhere, often causing a small creature to explode or a chef’s hat to fly off into the air!</option>

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<option>

  • ...that crutches are like funny anecdotes, while wheelchairs are like sad stories?

</option>

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  • ellipsis that all of the punctuation in this DYK is spelled out comma which is really comma really annoying question mark

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<option>

  • ...that those little packets found in a shoe box that say "do not eat" are in fact very tasty?

</option>

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<option>

  • ...that in Soviet Russia, people know when a joke has run its course?

</option>

<option>

  • ....that in both reverse and in ROT13, Gert would become Treg?

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<option>

  • ...that pimping is just like marriage?
  • ...just without the marriage?
  • ...and with more STDs?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that my dad reproduces asexually, thus making me impervious to yo momma jokes?

</option>

<option>

  • ...and that some day soon, the 2,000,000,000th article will be created on Uncyclopedia?

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<option>

  • ... that when a suicide bomber dies and goes to paradise, he is given 72 virgins?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that I work for Fark.com, so I am really getting a kick out of most of these replies?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that [Wiki|wiki formatting]] is perfect]? It never malfunctions'!

</option>

<option>

  • ...that if Abraham Lincoln was alive today, he would be clawing desperately at the lid of his coffin and screaming for help?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that a complete list of Did You Knows can be found here?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that walking backwards makes you gain weight?

</option>

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<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that this is only a preview; changes have not yet been saved?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that 'en passant' is actually French for "inventing new rules as you go along?"

</option>

<option>

  • ...that Bode Miller's drunken attempt to ski back up a mountain was the inspiration for the Drunk Olympics?

</option>

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<option>

  • ...that we are the knights who... oh God, I'm so sorry. So sorry, the car just came too fast and she was right there and so much I ran to help didn't know what she wasn't moving I'm so sorry ... so sorry.

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<option>

  • ...that if you saw every combination of the 1x1x1 Rubik's Cube, at a rate of one per second, it would take you less than ONE SECOND to see all the combinations?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that theoretically the longest path to solving the 1x1x1 Rubik's Cube is in as many as FIVE twists? So far no one has succeeded in demonstrating this method.

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<option>

  • ...that if Mommy is willing to lie about a freaky old dude who sneaks into children's bedrooms in the middle of the night to eat your cookies and drink your milk, she'll no doubt be willing to deceive you about everything else?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that it was a match with Jackson Pollock that actually drove Bobby Fischer insane? After only 6 moves, Fischer began frothing at the mouth and twitching uncontrollably, like a rabid, frothing vibrator. Pollock was declared winner by default.

</option>

<option>

  • ...that you're not allowed to say Shalom in a bathroom (and this is true, I'm not being stupid for the hell of it) because Shalom is also one of the names of this big beardy dude who lives upstairs, who a lot of Hebrew speakers know, and many of them are a bit scared by him?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that the Bavarian Illuminati used That's what she said as a secret code? No one knows exactly which she they were referring to, as they were a very sexist organization and had vowed collectively forsake the female species. Go figure.

</option>

<option>

  • ...that Hollywood has only actually filmed one chase scene, and they simply reuse it over and over?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that when you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that in the last 5 minutes, 20 movies were made about penguins?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...* KingK Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer)

</option>

<option>

  • ...that half a bee (philosophically) must ipso-facto half not be?
  • ...But half the bee has got to be vis-a-vee its entity?
  • ...But can a bee be said to be or not to be an entire bee when half the bee is not a bee due to some ancient injury?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that paint is a colored substance which is liquid or liquifiable and can add functionality, decorate, or guard a substrate, and usually include fillers bought from the People's Republic of China in which relatively young slaves work to fill their days quota of paint filler, and get a low payment rate yet a high work hour rate, which hurts the economy of China and the United States of America by reducing the cost but also the value of certain products, which leads to global warming, which will lead to Florida melting off America to "chill" with Hawaii, which will lead to Florida suing Hawaii for existing, which will lead to Hawaii being rejected as a state, which will lead to a shortage of pineapples, which will lead to a liberal suing the world for damages, which will eventually lead to him winning, which will lead him to let the earth be eaten by a grue?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that in space, deaf people can't hear themselves scream?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that he who smelt it, dealt it?
  • ...that he who denied it, supplied it?
  • ...that he who said the rhyme, did the crime?

</option>

<option>

  • ... that Bill Nye is standing behind you about to scream, "Now you know!"?

</option>

<option>

  • ... that tinfoil hats actually amplify the secret government broadcasts?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that for the purposes of espionage, a nod is not actually as good as a wink? A recent study showed a 24% higher fatality rate among spies using the nod to communicate covertly, as opposed to their winking counterparts.

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that Curiosity is currently serving a gaol sentence for cruelty to animals?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that Jesus liked to swear?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that he who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not get clawed to death and eaten?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that when you gaze long into an abyss, you may suffer from vertigo?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that since you forgot to save, you have to start all over again?
  • ...that throwing your computer through the wall will most likely do nothing to remedy this?
  • ...that there is nothing you can do to remedy this, since you can't do anything - You're dead?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that 1 + 1 = 3 if you don't wear a condom?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that if you look carefully during the opening sequence of Disneyland's Star Tours, you can catch a glimpse of Walt Disney frozen in carbonite?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that two wrongs don't make a right, but making excruciatingly bad puns about the words "left", "right", and "wrong" do?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that “If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can ever imagine?”
    ~ Obi-Wan Kenobi

</option>

<option>

  • ...that “If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can ever imagine?”
    ~ Jesus

</option>

<option>

  • ...that “If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can ever imagine?”
    ~ Che Guevara

</option>

<option>

  • ...that “If you strike me down I shall become more dead than you can ever imagine?”
    ~ Captain Obvious

</option>

<option>

  • ...that if your parents do not have any children, there is a 100% chance that you won't have any either?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that Abraham Lincoln was born and raised in a log cabin he built himself?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that Leonard Bernstein was the first fictional cartoon bear to conduct the New York Philharmonic in Carnegie Hall, as well as the first fictional cartoon bear to maul displeased members of the audience afterwards?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that narcolepsy can strike at any ttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt

</option>

<option>

  • ...that two wrongs don't make a right, but one Wright can make a city? Ha ha ha! [Takes gun out - shoots self in head]

</option>

<option>

  • ...that multiple sclerosis isn't as much fun as it sounds?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that he who laughs last will probably be an evil maniac with his finger on a large red button?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that swallowing your own head can be harmful to your digestive system?

</option> <option>

  • ...that if all the Chinese people in the world jumped at exactly the same time, a whole lot of people would be jumping?

</option> <option>

  • ...that a fat emo is morbidly obese?

</option> <option>

  • ...that when the Google Earth map photos were being taken, every cloud in the world was sucked inside a giant vacuum cleaner for a day?

</option> <option>

  • ...that "Then Peter said, silver and gold have I none, but this man's father is my father's son!"? (Acts, 3:6)

</option> <option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that a rose by any other name would be called something else?

</option>

<option>

  • ... that the back of your back is your chest?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that to be Frank, I'd have to change my name?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that before you can read the Bureaucracy article, you must first fill out the required form UN-4895-8473-89534-7?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that Harry dies on page 1?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that you can always pay your credit card bills using your credit card?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that 7 out of 10 Uncyclopedians believe their own submissions are somehow humorous?</option>

<option>

  • ...that the eleventh secret herb and spice is LSD?

</option>

<option>

  • ... that every dead body that is not exterminated becomes one of them?
  • ... that it gets up and kills?
  • ... and the people it kills get up and kill?

<option>

  • ...that, because of the startling success of Crime and Punishment, Fyodor Dostoevsky decided to follow it with a sequel that became known as Law and Order?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that originally, Hell was an acronym for "Happiness, Euphoria, and Lively Laughter?"

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that while love is stronger than hate, both are actually weaker than vinegar?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that the only phrase that would not make a great name for a rock band is "Closed for the Summer"?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that licking car batteries isn't as much fun as it looks?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that violence is not the answer?
  • ...but it gives you time while you figure out the answer.

</option> <option>

  • ...that violence is not the answer?
  • ...but it's a lot of fun.

</option> <option>

  • ...that violence is not the answer?
  • ...but it brings up plenty of new and interesting questions.

</option> <option>

  • ...that violence is not the answer?
  • ...unless the question is "What sells a PG-13 film?"

</option> <option>

  • ...that violence is not the answer?
  • ...I just got it wrong on purpose?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that the paint thinner ought to hold them until I get back with some fresh kegs?</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that sometimes I wish I had the guts to tell my stepdad how I actually felt about that time where he kicked the cat? At the time I laughed but... well... I suppose that this isn't anything to do with you. I'm sorry.</option>

<option>

  • ...that before it went decimal, British currency was based on LSD?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that babies explode when you put them in the microwave?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that, contrary to popular belief, no recipes in The Joy of Cooking start with "Put two penguins in a blender?"

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that according to science, something is twenty times more likely to sell well if it's perceived as clever? This has been attributed at various points in history to the fact that people suck, the fact that ignorance is strength, or the fact that science usually says stuff that makes no practical sense. Since many a comedy have flopped despite being clever, we're currently going with the third reason until science comes up with a better one.

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that this sentence no verb?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that "Lulz" is a corruption of LOL, which means "laugh out loud"?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that forgetting to carry the one is the leading cause of disaster for world domination plans?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that The Matrix was marketed with the tagline Life is a program, humans are a glitch and we're all heading for debuggery?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that Occam's Razor uses a single blade? (It's much simpler that way!)

</option>

<option>

  • ...that the only thing money can't buy is poverty?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that the average person continues living for 30 minutes after death?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that successful suicide bombers never target the same place twice?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that the daily eviction of demons is good exorcise?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that the Earth is bipolar?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that, in a pinch, anthrax can be substituted for cocaine?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that while laughter is the best medicine, many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy?

</option>

<option>

  • ... that every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings? Scientists have calculated that, given the immense number of bells rung worldwide, on a daily basis, there are probably vast, humongous numbers of angels, and if we ever go to war with the angels, we will be massively outnumbered. Also, most of them can fly, because we kept ringing those goddamn bells all the time.

</option>

<option>

  • ...that germs originated from Germany?
  • ...that ten-year-olds are responsible for fact-checking Uncyclopedia?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that inside Morrissey there are several happy people struggling to get out?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that snow is what happens when angels are sucked into jet engines?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that section T, sub-section LZ45, amendment K4.6 in the Official Chess Rulebook allows you to throw a tantrum, scatter all of the pieces and to claim that your opponent was cheating the entire time if you lose?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that after 44 minutes of play, Queens are allowed to teleport?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that screaming "UNO!" at the top of your lungs after every single turn of Uno will greatly increase your chances of winning?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that the safest place to store your most important files is the Internet?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that every time you shoot yourself in the head, someone somewhere in the world dies?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that if you die in Canada, you die in real life?

</option>

<option>

  • ...they've got two names because screaming "I curse ye with a plague of GRASSHOPPERS!" simply has no gravitas whatsoever.

</option>

<option>

  • ...that the 2007 video game Portal was based on a 1922 board game called Port-Holes?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ... that Wales is merely a figment of England's imagination?

</option>

<option>

  • ... that when cockroaches invent radiation suits, they'll become immortal?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that if you stick a pen down your sleeve, you meet the DOHS definition of an armed enemy combatant?

</option>

<option>

  • ... that Scotsmen who live over the age-expectancy of 76 run the risk of choking on their own accent?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that 'twas I who invented the light bulb; that ninny Edison, to whom I loaned the blasted thing, went and claimed it as his own, and never shared a dime with me - never?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that when there is news of a Google Earth helicopter flying over a town, there is a sevenfold increase in appearances of giant inflatable Cookie Monsters in said town?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that the 24 Hours of LeMons includes such penalties as tarring and feathering a racer's car and crushing a car via audience vote?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that American entrepreneur Timothy Dexter defied the popular idiom and actually made a profit when he sold coal to Newcastle?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that Ben Affleck died while shoveling snow outside of his house, leaving behind an unexpectedly small estate speculated to be worth as little as US$20,000?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that in a few villages and towns of southern France and Spain it is illegal to die, and that there are attempts to have the same law in a town in Brazil?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that the common woodchuck (Marmota monax) can chuck up to 75 kg of wood per day?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that he who laughs last thinks slowest?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that you don't need a silencer to shoot a mime?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that when you turn 60 you will immediately begin to emit the 'old people smell', no matter how hard you scrub?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that U2's lawyer works Pro Bono?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • …that the record for most transferals of a single piece of chewing gum between two kissing mouths is 419 times?

</option>

<option>

  • …that the average delivery time for bottled messages cast into the ocean is 91 years?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that the best way to remove a splinter is to coax it out gently, with mild encouragement?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that the dolphin is the only animal other than man that laughs at its own farts?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that in the early 20th century Coca-Cola used to have cocaine, black tar, heroin and up to an ounce of gold powder mixed into it? Each bottle cost 1 dollar, which is the equivalent of over 10 thousand dollars today.

</option>

<option>

  • ...that the Japanese have a saying: "A man cannot read the same Wikipedia page twice"? The pages are constantly being edited, and the act of reading it will make you a different person. Therefore, when a man goes back to re-read it, both the text and the man have been changed.

</option>

<option>

  • ...that Jimmy Joe Joober (age 6) from Little Rock, AR, holds the record for catching the biggest fish ever lied about, weighing in at a jillion million babillion pounds?

</option>

<option>

</option>

<option>

  • ...that, due to the Global Financial Crisis, the strongest world currency is now the tulip bulb, currently valued at five ships, 120 oxen, and 200 cows?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that many diseases can be prevented by washing hands before eating, after eating, during eating, and another couple of times just in case?

</option>

<option>

  • ...that if you reverse the polarity on a poltergeist, it will tidy your house for you?

</option>