Terrorist Satellite of Doom

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Current intelligence reports claim that the Terrorist Satellite of Doom was a WMD delivery system developed by terrorists, in an attempt to destabilize western governments; they planned to use its weapon system to kill heads of state, other important official and as a terror weapon against major population centers. It used high velocity Drop Bears to destroy targets and in most cases much of the surrounding area.


Anti-terrorist officials have stated that the satellite was launched in to orbit in late 2005 however before it could be used its existence was discovered by the Bush administration and was used in attempt to create public support for ongoing anti terrorist activities [[1]]. It was then attacked and disabled, according to a Bush administration spokesperson, by a joint US and UK task force.

Despite the seeming outlandish nature of this weapon several major historians have stated that Drop Bear based weaponry has a long history of use. The first recoded use is by Australian Aboriginals who would use a primitive catapult devise to launch drop bears in to caves to clear out opposing tribes and wild animals. This practice is also believed to be the cause of the world first arms limitation treaty, were a tribunal made up of the elders of ten major tribes decided to out-law their use as weapons. This however was not due only to the devastating effects a drop bear can have on humans but also because a significant percentage of the time the bear would make up home in the target cave effetely destroying its usefulness for years to come.


The released intelligence document state that the Terrorist Satellite of Doom is cable of deploying multiple Drop Bears simultaneously and is able to hit a single person in a crowed (though the Bear will then go on to kill the crowed).

Many major experts’ theories that the Drop Bears were smuggled out of Australia in early 1990 and under went an extensive period of genetic engineering in Afghanistan which allows them to survive re-entry to the earth’s atmosphere.

Being launched by a satellite gained the Drop Bears two major advantages, first the addition velocity they gain increases there force of impact many times and second they are no longer limited to attacking those who stray under eucalyptus trees. In this way the Drop Bears can be viewed as being in a symbiotic relationship with the terrorists.

Further developments[edit]

Pieces of the dismantled Satellite of Doom can still be seen through a Megaloscope. They are now far enough not to be detected by any other means, since the dismantling crew managed to dump them into a passing blank hole.