Texas A&M University

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Texas A&M University
Fuck! I'm on Fire!
Motto Gig em' Aggies!
Established 1876
School type Public
Head Darth Vader & the The Imperial Wizard
Location College Town, Texas ?, USA
Campus Aggie Land
Endowment 12 inches
Faculty Illinois Nazis
Mascot Charlie, the happy negro

“Pardon me, but I do believe that your thumb is in my ass.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Multiple Occasions at Aggie Football Games


When a young man graduates from high school he will probably make one of the most important decisions of his life: where he will continue his education. If he decides to blow his future, and party hard, more than likely he will go to t.u. However, if he decides to shave his head, make friends at an all male strip club, and become a gay legend, he will attend Texas A&M University.

Texas A&M -- established 1876, built on morals and utmost comaraderie, the school was originally a military college funded by state money for improvements in agriculture. TAMU was originally called TAMC, standing for Texas Agricultural and Mechanical College.

Aggie life is something which "from the outside looking in cannot be understood and from the inside looking out cannot be explained" - it is simply felt.


One Aggie tradition is to spend all year waiting for one game to come and then basing your happiness for the next twelve months on the outcome of said game.

Another tradition of the Aggies is bashing the t.u. They also hate black people and only recruit African-Americans for their sports teams in a sad attempt to make said sports teams better than those of the Texas Longhorns and to avoid lawsuits. There is only one type of person that goes to Texas A & M - the type that succeeds at making the black quarterback spludge in his mouth.

Yet another tradition of the TAMU is creating a huge bon-fire and dancing around it in the nude while worshipping Satan. They then throw huge amounts of pot which they grow on their farms (that's all they have in College Station) onto the fire and get really high. Then they brainwash all the freshman by telling them that Longhorns are the devil and that you must saw off their horns because it's the "Religious Right" thing to do.

The Corps[edit]

Because Texas A&M is a recognized Senior Military College, the Corps of Cadets is a large body of mostly male students who constantly exercise, discipline freshmen, and uphold tradition.

Quotes from Notable Alumini[edit]

"What the fuck." Spanish Egyptian Gustavo Pulgar's most famous words, exclusively used when losing at FIFA 2010.

"Hi, my name is Faissal." Faissal Sheikh, disgruntled student.

"Hello folks, Art Belmonte here." Arthur Belmonte, Calculus 3 Professor. Arthur Belmonte excells in training students to control long range missiles using calculators.


A tradition, executed by a simple "thumbs up". Also known as 'Fuck 'em', the sign originated from a former coach who told the A&M football team to "gig the hell outta TCU".[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much] At that very moment, a new campus tradition was born, as TCU beat the Aggies (yet again) 105-0; although, no one knows exactly what it means to "gig" anything. They basically stole it from Quagmire's "giggity giggity" of Family Guy. After much confusion A&M began winning when they discovered that "gigging" did not mean what they thought it meant. The armed guard was removed from the female livestock at the A&M Agricultural Facility, and the condom machine moved to the University Board Room for use on students who have not paid their bills in full.

This tradition has also been controversely (erm, controvertially... yeah whoever wrote this oveeusly went to TAMU colledge, huh?) noted for various instances of "Gig-Em Get-Togethers" where massive thumb-to-butt "fights" occur between Corpsmen in a display of "Hey brah, look at how fucking MANLY[1][2][3][4] we are."