Texas Chainsaw Massacre

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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is an independent slasher/horror film, made in 1973 for tuppence. There was a remake in 2005, but it's probably shit. Like all half-arsed remakes (particularly the mockery the Americans made of The Wicker Man, the bastards!). It was ok, but the last time I saw it I was damn lit as a light.


A bunch of college students, who'll doubtlessly be killed later, as college students are wont to do, are driving aimlessly down some road in the middle of Texas. They stop for a hitchhiker, who is revolted when they begin cutting themselves and jumps out of the car.

They stop at a house that appears to be empty, and one of them goes in to investigate to prove he's cool and macho so he can get laid. But then, Leatherface comes along and drags him inside. The other students scream for a bit, then they go in too. Leatherface deposits them in chairs and ties them up. They hear a chainsaw revving and manage to cut the ropes on a nail to escape. As they run out, they see a room filled with carcasses and speculate that it's human meat.

They get back in the car and try to drive away, but they see the hitchhiker from earlier, who shoots out their tires and drags them back to the house. Leatherface ties them up again, but they manage to escape again (he just doesn't learn, does he?) and run out into the road. The hitchhiker follows them, but gets run over by a monstrously exaggerated American truck. They attempt to flee but, Epic Fail.

The only way to kill leatherface is to defeat him in a pokemon batttle The end.

So Remember; You can't spell Slaughter without Laughter! If you are a guard for the Lakers, HIV does not affect you

Connection to actual events[edit]

The Movie is about a Chainsaw Weilding Maniac who got a bit pissed off because he dropped his Pie in the Mud.


  • The film was originally titled Texas Cheese but was changed at the last minute due to copyright issues. Other titles considered were The Texas Cheese Company Are Bitches and Fuck Your Crappy Cheese.
  • All injuries in the film were real. The special effects budget didn't stretch to fake blood, and it was more scarier like this anyway.
  • Leatherface was only wearing his mask of human skin as part of a Halloween costume, he was using the chainsaw to cut firewood, and the meat was sirloin steak stuffed into fake medical dummies.
  • The only reason Leatherface attacked and brutally killed so many people is because he had a severe case of Satanic hemorrhoids. These hemorrhoids would whisper sweet nothings in his ear every night; the sexual tension led to frustration which in turn led him to commit horrific murders.
  • This is a good movie for 8 year olds.

See also[edit]