Thank god I FINALLY found you!

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 Subject: Thank god I FINALLY found you!
 From: [email protected]

 Sent: January 18 Template:Time

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This what your "brother in Nigeria" actually looks like.

Hello Mr./Ms. anonymous person, And let me say, you sure are a hard person to find! But before I can tell you why I've e-mailed you, I must introduce myself. My name is Piktaungitok Akluitok Naartok the 13th and a half, and I am your uncle's, mother's, cousin's, lab partner's land lord, twice removed. I also happen to be the chief of a small tribe of Eskimos in Siberia, and I have 700 million dollars for you! Now, I know what you're thinking, "this is just another one of those "brother in Nigeria" scams!" But I swear, it's not! You'll notice I'm your uncle's, mother's, cousin's, lab partner's land lord, twice removed, not your brother in Nigeria.

How this situation came about[edit]

Just a few years ago, I too was a peasant. But that all changed one day when the most beautiful woman I had ever seen (at the time) randomly started to walk down the trail that goes through my village. Her name was "La-a" (pronounced "La-dash-a"). I later found out that she was the daughter of Nanook, chief of the Eskimo tribe.

Isn't she just the most beautiful woman you've ever seen in your life?

The moment I saw her I knew I was in love. The first thought that ran through my head was: "Man! I’d love to get inside her pants!" *Ahem* I mean "What a lovely woman, she is surely the woman I need to marry". And we did! And that's how I became the chief. But unfortunately last year La-a fell very ill. And while on her way to the hospital she was hit by a dog sled, killing her instantly. Then, just recently, at the reading of her will, I was informed that she left me 700 million dollars! And I wondered what should I do with this money? I mean, I'm already pretty well off because of all that money I saved by switching to Geico. So I wondered should I give this money to my old village, which has all of my friends and family? Or should I give the money to some random guy/girl over the internet? And so I said "oh fuck my village! It's the person who is reading this at the moment's lucky day!". So please proceed on, to find out how to claim your 700 million dollars!

How to get your money[edit]

I'll be eagerly awaiting your email, so send it now!

Well, all you have to do is email me back your bank details so I can transfer all the money into your bank account. When done correctly you should get all of your money very quickly. However, if the money does not arrive, please do not try to contact me/the police/the IRS. I will make sure to contact you before I get on the boat to Cuba *Ahem* I mean the local bank.


If the steps are not followed within one week I will e-mail someone else.

Thank you, and may Malina and Pukkeenegak bless you with bountiful crops and bountiful head from your wives.

- Piktaungitok Akluitok Naartok, chief of the Eskimos.