That time I accidentally launched a thousand ships with my face during my sojourn in Troy

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They looked kind of like this, only there were a fucking thousand of them.

Dude, that fucking fleet was huge. Like, WTF?

So there I was[edit]

camped out in the fucking Trojan palace, doing my Cleopatra thing with Paris and feeding him grapes, right? Like, seductress badass shit.

and this fucking wooden horse[edit]

bursts out from the shore, varnish all over the place, and sits in front of the gates, like "Hey, you want a big wooden horse?"

And I was like "Uh, no." But Hector was like "FUCK YES."

And then all these fucking Greeks jump out, and instead of going for me, they make a Greekline straight for Hector.

so one of them pulls out his[edit]

sword and cuts the shit out of him, and he drags his body around the city walls with a chariot! WTF?

He nearly got away with a major sinistral external abrasion and a severed brachialis radial. But he didn't. He was dead.

But, seriously. I accidentally launched those ships with my face.