That time I was nearly raped by a dinosaur during my sojourn in the Mesozoic

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It looked kinda like this, but with more realistic colors.

Dude, that fucking thing was huge. Like, WTF?

So there I was[edit]

crawling out of my timemachine, doing my Nigel Marven thing with this Prehistoric shit and the reptile thingies, right? Like, timetraveler paleontologist shit.

and this fucking dinosaur[edit]

bursts out of the trees, terrible stench all over the place, and instead of going for these tiny reptiles, he makes a dinosaurline straight for me.

so I pulled out my[edit]

minigun and start shooting like a madman, and it tries to mount me! WTF?

I barely got away with a major sinistral external abrasion and a severed brachialis radial.

No, seriously. It almost sucked me into its cloaca (kinda like a vagina).

See also[edit]