The Adventures of President Grover Cleveland

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The Adventures of President Grover Cleveland was a children's television series that originally aired on May 13, 1990 and ran until December 43, 1994. It starred Oprah Winfrey as the voice of the President, and it centered around family life in the White House in the late 1800's. Tony Danza voiced his wife, and his four children, Johnny, Suzie, ShaNayNay, and Rammstein, were all voiced by Jet Li.

Supporting Characters[edit]

"Adventures" often featured popular guest stars that would interact with the cast and assist them in their adventures. Many guest stars would not return for a second episode, as most were brutally murdered by the Locofocos, the President's nemeses.

  • Barbara Streisand - who played The Gay Bandit in the second season episode, "Jesus Never Touched Me."
  • Star Jones - guest starred as herself in three episodes: "Fat and Black," "I'm an Obese Minority," and "Trapped in a Doughy, Cellulite-Infested, Obnoxiously Black Body" before being raped and tortured by the Locofocos.
  • Ron Jeremy - The obese porn star assisted the President to fight the Locofocos in the famous one-time live episode "The President's Cock," but was murdered mid-shoot by two of the members of Creed.
  • Kevin Kline - The horridly unlikable actor was murdered in the same episode as above by the other two members of Creed.
  • Samuel L. Jackson - Ol' Sammy voiced Jigaboo, Grover's best friend and token black. He was known for often giving retarded advice and being sick of those motherfucking Locofocos on that motherfucking plane.
  • David Spade - he was technically never a guest star, but was constantly referenced to by other guest stars as being a "fuckity fuckface fucktard" that purportedly "had less talent than Paris Hilton." According to many characters that was saying a lot.

Recurring Themes[edit]

"Adventures" often used a recurring plot pattern or idea in order to dumb down the show for those fucking kids. Each episode would begin with the President washing his balls. Then, a guest star or one of his children or his wife would kick down the door and scream a pun using the episode's title. The President would whip out either his penis or his legendary Phillip's Head Screwdriver and threaten the person in question with a series of expletives in Arabic. For a list of these expletives, please see Peyton Manning. Then, the main titles of the show would begin. The lyrics are listed below.

(to the tune of "Fergalicious" by Fergie)

Grover Cleveland, definition. Hate them Locofocos. They always steal his treasure, Oh, those fucking bitchs You can see him, you can squeeze him, But that's really kinda sleazy, And the reason that I say this, Is that Grover Cleveland's fat. Groverlicious.

Grover Cleveland. Cookies are delicious. And if you are suspicious He will fucking kill you. Samuel Jackson Cause you know he's black, black And you'll be running down the block just to suck his big black cock.

Grover Cleveland (It's NOT hot) Samuel Jackson (Cause you know he's black, black) So coniferous (It's a type of tree) Groverlicious (ttttttasty tasty)

...

G, to the R, to the O-V-E-R, Grover dude! C, to the L, to the E-V-E-L-A-N-D O, to the H, to the I-O is where Cleveland at Groverlicious (ttttttasty tasty)

The show would return to the Headquarters of the Locofocos, the Peking Duck House. Sometimes, they might just be roaming the streets of Harlem. The Locofocos would hatch a plot to steal the President's treasure or rape one of the costars. Often they would be devouring a human child or beating a puppy while doing this.