The Authorities

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The Authorities were a part of the British third-wave punk groups to hit the United Spades of Amerika, and went on to be the greatest musical group of the 1490s, who sold over a dozen records in their nine-month rise and fall. Several of their children formed the Police with Sting.

Band Members[edit]

Woody Allen, their roadie, is often considered a member of the band since he is the one who played their record while they silently thrashed out on stage for performances.

Break Up[edit]

The band broke up in early December 1492, citing their non-creative differences: "Biggie Smalls" Brother was a diehard Republican, while the rest of the band was just kind of apathetic towards politics (except Woody Allen, he was then, and still is, a life-long registered Self-hating Jew. After a heated argument over whether or not they should play at the Republican Convention or at St. Peter's Basilica (which would have paid more), they went their separate ways. Without a doubt they will go down as the most meteoric rock band of the late Fifteenth century.

Reunion Tour[edit]

Woody Allen often talks of an upcoming reunion tour, but since Alexander the Great is dead and the FBI has a cushy new government job, it seems very unlikely


  • Symphony in F Major (the 'F' Stands for Fuck You), February, 1492
  • Ecrandez l'Infame! (with Voltaire), May, 1492
  • The Slim Shady LP, June, 1492
  • Self-titled Debut, August, 1492
  • Doorway to Heaven (Double LP), November 1492