The Caucasian Nut Throw
The Caucasian nut throw is a wrestling move used mainly in the southern parts of Canada, and the northern United States. It is known only to few men, and even fewer women, and is able to inflict instant pleasure then sudden, unbearable pain. Although the name might suggest to some that the nuts being thrown are caucasian, they can infact be any type of nut; white, black, asian, just as long as it has nuts.
The Throw is best represented by a recipe. A large mixing bowl can be used to add ingredients, but a hard mat and a large padded room is a whole lot better. Remember: this recipe isn't anything The Rock is cooking, because, that could give you diahrreah. This could kill you. When examining the picture above, look at the sheer pleasure on the person being thrown. Bring on the pain.
Mix this all together and it should yield a large bowl of pain for your opponent, and also glory for you. Remember, this concoction can be fatal if ingested, and you should keep it out of reach of small children at all times. Take only one a day, because any more than that and side effects include: Nausia, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, and Diahrreah. Pepto-Bismal can't save you this time. And in not so rare cases, death.
To successfully implement the Caucasian Nut Throw: 1) you must first be Caucasian. If not Caucasian contact Michael Jackson in order to find out how to perform a successful race-change. 2) next you must master the art of the nut grab, a swift forward movement with the arm, with the hand held wide and fingers slightly curled up. The idea is not to grab the nuts, but to hook behind them into the Gooch-al region and thrust upwards. In some cases, the nuts may impact the grabbers inner elbow. 3) you must next strain until the opponents torso is over your knee and you are in the squatting position. 4) throw him. 5) stand, take a bow, smile akwardly. You are now a man.
Most notibly the throw was used by Bruce Willis to throw Hanz Gruber off of the Building in Die Hard. This scene was later deleted, because it would bump the rating from "R" to "PWNED". One David Stricker once implemented the throw flawlessly, legally, and man-ily. It won him a gold plated platnum medal, the highest award in history for manliness. However David was not the first, the throw has been used throughout history, observe:
- Used by God to throw Moses' ass into the desert
- Used by Jesus to throw his Apostles around when they tell him to shave
- Used by the Romans to throw poor people into the lion pit
- Used by the SS to throw Jews around
- Used by the Jews to throw Christians around
- Used by the Christians to throw children around
- Used by Chuck Norris to throw the first Russian into space
- Used by Hillary Clinton to throw Bill around.
The Caucasian Nut Throw is sometimes confused with the Asian Nut Twister. They are completely different, and should not be confused. The Asian Nut Twister, is only used by Asians, and is considered girly because there's no throw, its all grab and fondle. No man should ever grab or fondle, let alone both at once. It is clear that the words "Cauc" and "Throw" separate these two, and any literate individual could make that connection. Cheney was going to use The Caucasian Nut Throw on Harry for making cracks about his lesbian daughter, but instead shot him. Pansie.
Typically, people who have been Cacasion Nut Thrown, do not remember the exact incident. Or their life before the incident. Instead their mind is filled with pictures of girly objects, bright colours, and a deep voice saying random Oscar Wilde quotes. The people thrown generally go insane, if not killed on impact, then they're dead. Only one person has been thrown, and has gone on to live a relatively successful life. George W. Bush was thrown as a child by his older brother Jeb Bush, and instead of being killed and hearing Oscar Wilde quotes, became retarded. Before that his IQ was 181. Jean-Claude Van Damme fears the Caucasian Nut throw, and has been rumored as to pray to god every night he never meets it in combat. Chuck Norris wishes the same thing when praying to himself at night.
As of now there is no medical cure for those who are victims of the throw itself, although there are many preventions of being thrown. One such prevention is not going into dark alleys at night, or angering the gods. Some people prefer to wear jocks or full body suits including chainmail. Neither of these things can save you from a perfectly executed throw. Much like a tsunami, or the apocalypse, or the amount of stupidity in the Saw movies, it is unstoppable. Fear it ladies, because it sure as hell doesn't fear you.
Today, the Caucasion Nut Throw is banned throughout the European Union, Asia, Russia, The Cayman Islands, The Sandwich Islands, and 138 other contries. The only countries that it is not banned in are Latvia, Canada, and the northern United States. The penalties range from 5 years to your left nut and 1,000,000 years in prison. Happy throwing.