The Dark Knight

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Adam West was rejected the role of Batman in this film.

“ want me to fake my own death, just so this movie gets more publicity and sells better?”

~ Heath Ledger on the outrageous publicity of The Dark Knight

“Honestly, I think it needs bat-nipples.”

~ Joel Schumacher on The Dark Knight

“How about a Magic Trick”

~ Chris Nolan on People who didn't like the movie

The Dark Knight is a 2008 crime drama written, directed and produced by Chris Nolan, and is the most underrated movie to ever have been filmed since Good Burger. It features Safwan Mujib as Batman, Gary OldMan as Lieutenant (actually Commissioner) James Gordon, and Aaron "The Buttchin" Eckhart as Harvey Dent-Face as they form an alliance in order to stop a madman played by Heath Ledger. The plot of the film overly emphasizes on Ledger's performance

For his conception of the film, Nolan went outside one night and he noticed that it was dark. He was so inspired that he decided to make a movie out of it. The Dark Knight was filmed primarily in Chicago, but some scenes were filmed in Hong Kong as well.

Warner Hos. created a viral marketing scheme for The Dark Knight which gave several people the flu. The film was released on July 16, 2008 in Australia, on July 18, 2008 in North America, and on July 24, 2008 in the United Kingdom. The film broke the previous box office record held by Herpes and was greeted by critical acclaim upon release.

Cast and characters[edit]

Gary OldMan as James Gordon: Lieutenant of the city police department and one of the few police officers who is not corrupt. He forms a tenuous, unofficial alliance with Harvey Dent-Face. There are rumors that a masked vigilante is also part of the alliance. When Police Commissioner Loeb is assinated by Heath Ledger in the film, The Assination of Police Commissioner Loeb by the Character Played by Heath Ledger, Gordon is given the position by Mayor Garcia. OldMan described his character as "incorruptible, virtuous, strong, heroic, amazing, super, awe-inspiring, unselfish, modest, and the best character in the film". On the possibility of another sequel, he said that "returning to [the role] is dependent on how many hundred dollar donuts he gets". Also he enjoyed scaring people from trains and planes; by travelling by then holding a suitcase shouting "Allah"

Heath Ledger as The Joker Ledger described his role as a "psychopathic, mass murdering, ass murdering, schizophrenic clown with zero empathy". His claim that "the only sensible way to live in this world is without rules" uniquely mark the mindset of this character as that of a moral nihilist. Nolan had wanted to work with Ledger on a number of projects in the past, but kept forgetting. When Ledger saw Nolan's previous film, he realized a way to make the character work consistent with the film's tone, and Nolan agreed with his sadistic interpretation. To prepare for the role, Heath Ledger routinely dressed up like a clown and kidnapped members of the casts' families.

On January 22, 2008, Heath Ledger died. "It wasn't the drugs," remarks Nolan, "It was beauty killed the beast." Also the Joker's favorite cheese was cheddar!

Mujib Safwan reprises his role as Bruise Payne, the rich, playboy philanthropist who is depressed that his ex-girlfriend, Rachel Dawes, is currently having an affair with Goth's new district attorney, Harvey Dent-Face. These sections of the film are made to lift off tension and relieve stress from the shocking and suspenseful scenes with OldMan and Ledger. Finally, Payne proves himself when he decides that he should be happy that Rachel is happy and donates a portion of his masculine blood to Dent's campaign so that he can secretly impregnate Rachel. Unfortunately this is short-lived when Rachel is killed by the Joker after she kisses every actor in the movie. After that, he dedicates the rest of the film to protecting others from the Joker including the person who the Joker ordered dead. Pain heroically sacrificed his Lamborghini to stop a death.

Aaron Eckhart as "Harvey Dent"/"Two Face" , the cocky, spontaneous punch throwing, part-geologist, part-lobbyist who has pledged to clean up Goth City as the new District Attorney. He also has stolen Rachel Dawes, Bruce's NOT GIRLFRIEND, from him and likes to confess his love for Batman daily. This love is so great that he even believes he is Batman in the middle of the movie. He eventually accidentally glues himself to a chair next to some oil drums and gets blown up causing half of his face to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator. Ironically, the nickname "Double-Face" had been an insult used on him by bullies in his childhood, but the name "Two-Face" now suited him better. While in the hospital bed, he let out a scream because he was jealous of his dollar coin for having two faces. This, of course, was before realizing he had a gaping wound covering half of his face. After, the Joker shows up in drag and Two-Face FLIPS THE WILD FUCK OUT before deciding that he's gonna murder the people who kidnapped his girlfriend and him. In the film, Batman: Harvey Dent-Face Gets Revenge, Harvey Dent-Face tries to get revenge for Rachel's death but Batman kills him because the movie is supposed to be about him and not Harvey. Then all the fan girls completely ignored Aaron Eckhart's performance and went to go write Joker porn and shout "WHY SO SERIOUS?" at everyone.

Aaron Eckhart has stated that he will be returning as Harvey Dent-Face in a spin off where he dates Jennifer Aniston's character, Rachel, from Friends.

Maggie Gyllenhore as "Rachel Dawes" Gyllenhore had to replace Katie Holmes after the former actress was abducted by aliens. Because of this, Rachel Dawes' character suddenly became horribly disfigured, causing her to date Harvey Dent-Face and become twice as annoying as she was in the first movie. Eventually, she gets in a fight with the Joker in which the Joker claims he murdered her brother and then throws her off a roof. Rachel later is captured and is tied to a chair and reads a hallmark card poem to Harvey before she is blown up. Later, it is revealed that she planned on marrying Harvey Dent-Face but then Bruce Payne confirms that Wikipedia is wrong and that she was actually going to marry him.

Adam West as Superman. Like in every movie based on a DC Comic (and a few based off of Marvel), Superman comes in at the worst possible time in the movie and shoots lasers at everyone near him. In The Dark Knight, he comes in right at the sex scene between Batman and Rachel. He proceeds to fry both of their genitals, after saying "this looks like a job for Superman," and then crashes through a wall, which causes a brutally violent chain reaction of events that leads to the complete destruction of a children's hospital. Little does he know, Jerry Lewis witnessed these events. Soon, while Superman is preparing to masturbate to an episode of Lost, he is stabbed with a kryptonite dildo by Lewis. How Lewis got a kryptonite dildo, no one knows(or gives a fuck).

Morgan Freeman as "Lucius MalFoX&Y" Morgan Freeman narrates the movie.

Klaus Kinski as "The Penguin" he tries to foil the plan to make the film. Eventually, his scenes were deleted.

During filming, Baleout came down with a nasty case of strep throat, causing his voice to become raspy, weak, and unintimidating. Strangely this only happened whenever he was wearing the Batman costume. It's still a mystery...


A screenshot of a scene in the movie. Batman confronts the Joker.

The movie starts with a bunch of clowns robbing a bank and talking about the Joker with very bad dialogue. Upon arrival, they are chased by an angry bank manager with a shotgun, who kills one of the clowns and is apparantly brave enough to stand out in the open; because of this, he quickly wastes his ammunition and is shot. It is soon revealed that one of the clowns is actually the Joker (Ledger who is apparently suffering from a bad case of chapped lips, due to how red they are and how he can not seem to stop licking them), who kills the rest of the clowns. He then proceeds to take the money and stuffs a smoke grenade in the bank manegers mouth after he critcizes Heath for his bad acting.

The movie then shows Scarecrow and some mobsters having a nice chat when a bunch of fat guys dressed like Batman shoot them. Soon, the real Batman shows up. He dodges and deflects bullets, but then gets his ass kicked by a dog. He apprehends the fake Batmen and the mobsters then attempts to say something to then but can't because he has had a laryngectomy.

The only legitimate actor in the entire movie, Aaron Eckhart poses like a fucking BAMF. Need proof? Take a look at this badass GQ mofo right here.

The film then introduces the only one of the three main characters who seems to be able to play their role properly, Aaron Eckhart. Turns out he's Harvey Dent, the new district attorney who's bumping uglies with Batman’s girlfriend, Rachel. He punches a guy in the face, and shows off his manly butt-chin. Commissioner Gordon wants to include Dent in his and Batman’s plot, but Batman is hurt about him and Rachel.

The mobsters hold a meeting to discuss what kind of pasta is superior while a Chinese mobster named Lau converses with them via two way TV, when Joker bursts in unannounced and murders one of them with his bad acting. He proceeds to tell the mobsters that he'll kill The Batman if he gets half the mobs money, which he burns later anyways. Bruce Wayne (Batman's alter-ego) then travels to Hong Kong to get some Chinese food, only to find that they are fresh out. He gets angry off and kidnaps Lau. At this point I fell asleep so I had to buy the DVD (oh sh*t).

Bruce holds a fundraising party for Dent and has apparently had his throat replaced. The party is soon interrupted by Joker, who tries to be funny and when no one laughs, drops Rachel out a window, which is actually pretty funny. Batman dives to save her and instead of using his Bat-grapple which he later uses on the Joker, he did the badass thing and FELL FORTY STORIES ONTO A CAR, AND SURVIVED!

Then there are a couple scenes where Joker threatens to poison viewers with his bad acting if Batman does not unmask, and in order to spare the city of Gotham such a horror, Dent claims himself to be The Batman(which is clearly inconceivable due to his massive butt-chin). During a police convoy, the Joker and his goons chase them in a Peterbilt truck and hit on them with a variety of firearms and projectiles when Batman comes to the rescue. Turns out it was all a clever ruse thought up by Batman, Gordon and Dent to trick the Joker, who as it turns out knew their plan, and counter planned a plan for their plan.

They capture and arrest the Joker, and Batman slams his face into the table, which apparently jars some repressed acting intuition, and then Joker starts actually making jokes and being good. The scene cuts several times to some guy in a holding cell speaking in even more bad dialogue about how Joker put a bomb in his stomach and some stuff about Christmas.

Joker tells Batman that he got Dent and Rachel locked into bomb rigged warehouses, and Batman tries to yell at him but his throat has once again been removed so he can fit in his costume. Batman initially wants to save Rachel, but he’s still angry about her dating Dent so he decides to let her die. He rescues Dent but lets his dent-face catch ablaze as revenge for boning his girl.

Bruce is depressed because Rachel died and Alfred thought he might turn suicidal if he revealed to Bruce that she didn’t actually love him. Keeping up with his unexpected change in acting ability, Joker dresses up as a girl and does some more funny and awesome things, including convincing Dent to take revenge on Batman, Gordon, and others who ruined his psyche, and blowing up a hospital. Joker threatens to take control of Gotham, kills the mob guys he made a deal with, and burns the aforementioned money. He also takes a camera crew hostage and drives off.

Meanwhile, Two-Face goes around killing corrupt cops and gangsters and just being all around a complete badass. Unfortunately enough he only gets about 20 minutes of screen time in this new bad-ass persona. He's also obsessed with flipping a coin to determine their fates, which somehow seems to cause him to kill only the people who are unimportant to the plot.

The police evacuate the city on boats, conveniently placing every citizen in Gotham in one boat and all of the criminals in another. But then, Joker threatens to blow up both boats unless the citizens or the criminals of Gotham will blow up the opposite boat. The citizens of Gotham don’t want to blow up all the vicious criminals, and all the vicious criminals are too good at heart to kill all the citizens.

To stop these threats, Batman invents a giant computer that can listen to all of the phones in Gotham that somehow gives him sonar vision. Batman's weapon designer, Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman), is appalled by such a machine and quits because the movie got too stupid.

Atop a building, Joker has dressed the hostages up as thugs and the thugs as hostages. To avoid confusion, Batman stops a SWAT team in their tracks and frees the hostages. He then goes and fighith ts Joker (and once again gets his ass kicked by a dog) and shoots metal blades into Joker’s abdomen, which he evidently didn’t feel due to his mass consumption of sleeping pills. He also tries to give a heart warming morality speech but can’t due to his loss of a larynx.

After apprehending Joker, Batman learns that Dent is intending to murder Gordon’s wife and son, and rushes to the rescue. Dent continues to be awesome and shoots Batman, but doesn’t realize that his suit, though not dog resistant, is bullet resistant. Before Dent can determine the boy's fate, Batman pushes him and Gordon's son off the balcony and kills him. The movie ends with Christian Bale attending Heath Ledger's funeral because he’s such a big fan of Brokeback Mountain.

The film ends with a requiem to Heath's direct mirrored-image of Jesus H. Christ and The Resurrection, followed by a "Bollywood-esque" (AKA Slumdog Millionaire AKA Piece of Shit AKA 'look, we care about other ethnicities') musical montage.



Before the release of Batman Begins, screenwriter David S. Goyer wrote a treatment for two sequels which introduced the Joker and Harvey Dent-Face. His original intent was for the Joker to scar Dent-Face during the Joker's trial in the third film with a magic vat of acid that teleported into the courthouse, turning Dent-Face into Two-Face. Goyer, who penned the first draft of the film, cited the DC Comics 13-issue comic book limited series Batman: The Long Penis as the major influence on his storyline. While initially uncertain of whether or not he would return to direct the sequel, Nolan did want to reinterpret the Joker on screen. On July 31, 2006, Warner Hos. officially announced initiation of production for the sequel to Batman Begins: Batman Ends.

After shitloads of research, Nolan's brother and co-writer, JonathaNolan, suggested the Joker's first two appearances, published in the first issue of Batman (1940), as the crucial influences. BenJerry BaskinRobinson, one of the Joker's co-creators, was consulted on the character's portrayal. Nolan decided to avoid divulging an in-depth origin story for the Joker, and instead portray his rise to power so as to not diminish the threat he poses, explaining to MTV News, "the Joker we meet in The Dark Knight is fucking fucked up...To me, the Joker is an absolute psychotic-ass bastard. There ain't no bullshit about him — maybe shades of bright purple and bright green and bright white (I'm vouching for the idea of the Joker covering the entire city of Gotham with his own ejac at some point in the movie). He's unbelievably badass. He bursts in and fucks shit up just as he did in the comics." Nolan reiterated to IGN, "We never wanted to do an origin story for the Joker in this film", because "the arc of the story is much more Harvey Dent-Face's; the Joker is presented as an absolute BAMF. It's a very thrilling element in the film, and a very important element, but we wanted to deal with the rise of the Joker, not the origin of the Joker (ass-turds...)" Nolan suggested Batman: The Killing Joke influenced a section of the Joker's dialogue in the film, in which he says that anyone can become a dastardly bastard like him given the right circumstances.

According to Nolan, an important theme of the sequel is "escalators", extending the ending of Batman Begins, noting that "sometimes things have to go up before they go down". While indicating The Dark Knight would continue the themes of Batman Begins, including justice vs. revenge and Bruise Payne's issues with his father who was nonexistent in the film, Nolan emphasized the sequel would also portray Payne more as a detective, an aspect of his character not fully developed in Batman Begins. Nolan described the friendly rivalry between Bruise Payne and Harvey Dent-Face as the "boner" of the film. He also chose to compress the overall storyline, allowing Poo-Face to become Dent-Face to become Two-Face in The Dark Knight, thus giving the film an emotional arc the unsympathetic Joker could not offer.


Everyone loved the movie and the main spoilers. Especially when:

  • The Joker gets arrested at the end.
  • Harvey Dent-Face dies.
  • Rachel dies.
  • Gordon doesn't really die, ITS A SCAM.

HA HA HA HAH HAH AH AHAH AHA HA HAHA HAH HA OOH EEH AH AHA And I thought my Joker impression was bad.


The character of Rachel Whore was originally played by Katie Holmes. She couldn't return because she is still being held hostage by Tom Cruise. So Maggie Gylingaal took the part. Chris Nolan reportedly assaulted her on the set because she's the ugliest actress to ever walk the face of planet earth. So, one day, he snuck into the producers office and rewrote the entire screenplay after overdosing on ridilyn, and altered the story to blow Maggie's ass out of Gothem and thus removed her chances of being in any Batman sequel directed by him.

Product placement[edit]

In the movie, Batman uses an iPod which he appropriately calls the "BatPod". In the movie, the Batmobile transforms into an iPod near the climax which advertises Apple's new feature on the iPod which can transform vehicles into MP3 players. Also, many characters are seen eating a considerable amount of shit, which has lead to a mass conspiracy about The Dark Knight just being a big advertising campaign for 2 Girls 1 Cup.


The Daily Mail, a ridiculous British ENGLISH newspaper obsessed with asylum seekers, poofs, and video games being evil, claims that The Dark Knight is responsible for at least 90,000000% of all knife crime in Britain. This is, of course, wrong. Everyone knows that Heath Ledger's portrayal of the Joker in this film actually invented knife crime. Before him, nobody ever thought about using a knife for anything else other than for cleaning one's teeth. Stabbing people was previously accomplished with a toothbrush or, on some occasions, a bar of soap.

Shortly after release in Britain, the film was snubbed as racist by members of the British National Party (BNP). BNP members claimed that the films title, The "Dark" Knight, was a racial slur, brought about as an attempt by ethnic minorities to promote racial hatred against the white population of the UK. They claim that the production team had altered the image of Batman, to portray a black crusader fighting against the white 'joker' race. Leading BNP officials claim that originally Batmans costume was white, and that the joker would have been of African origin. This is a claim which is a source of some debate, and is regarded as ridiculous by Batman fans across the globe. The BNP issued a statement stating that "any member of its party found to have seen the film will be taken out to New York, placed upon the Staten Island ferry, and forced to choose between their own life or a ferry full of illegal immigrants from the UK." A choice the BNP claimed would be "easy as pie" for any true BNP member. The statement suggested that the film be removed from cinema screens across the UK and edited before re-release to show a white supremecist Batman, battling with a race of African 'jokers' intent on removing the British from powerful jobs in government. The films producers have branded this suggestion "utter nonsensical nonsense" and said that, apart from the film being set in New York and therefore bearing no relation to racism in Britain, this is just not feasible in the current economic climate, although the views of the BNP will be taken into account in future Batman films.


Bernie Mac and Isaac Hayes's deaths may have plagiarized Ledger's.

The movie The Crow copied The Dark Knight 's "have an actor die to raise awareness of this bad ass film" technique and is still a terrible movie regardless of how much shit Hot Topic sells to emo kids with Gothic imagery on it.

After the movie broke box office records amid a bizarre curse, movie producers decided to follow suit. The first in a long string of Dark Knight copycats was the soul-music comedy Soul Men starring Samuel L. Jackson, Bernie Mac, and Isaac Hayes. Jealous of Batman's success, Bernie Mac decided to get pneumonia and die on August 9, 2008 at age 50. Isaac Hayes followed suit when he died mysteriously the next day at age 65. The curse continued when Samuel L. Jackson smashed his thumb with a hammer while hanging up a picture of his mother. It got even worse when people forgot what sitcom film co-star Sean Hayes used to star on.

The next installment of the Harry Potter film franchise was immediately afterwards delayed for unknown reasons, presumably due to the death of the character Dumbledore. Or the fact that Daniel Radcliffe is far too old for the part now.

Then there's that Tom Cruise movie about Hitler. The studio says it will never see the light of day. Thank God.

The final film to be cursed thus far is the 2010 remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street, when it was announced that Billy Bob Thornton would be playing Freddy Krueger. Although he is not.