The Evil Math Teacher

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His Infinite Derivateness

The Evil Math Teacher, also known as Great Grey Master of Evil aka Mr Rhodes of The Romsey School Harry and Jack, was most likely created in 27 A.D by The Original Jesus who as a carpenter and the Son of God had a pretty good idea of what he was doing. Being created so early it is the world's first and with no doubt the best cyborg. The Governator doesn't count because it was created in the planet Uranus by the leading scientist Urrectum Arschhöl.

Anyway, The Original Jesus programmed all the knowledge He had in the cyborg's memory possibly to have it succeed Him after He was taken back to Heaven after He completed his mission which at that point was to have a good time on Earth.

What happened then?[edit]

The Holy Catholic Church

Somewhere around 500 A.D The Evil Maths Teacher was betrayed by The Catholic Church and his role as one of the disciples of The Original Jesus was removed from The Bible. This caused some slight bitterness and eventually made The Evil Math Teacher make a pact with Satan in 666 A.D and so doing create the Faust myth. Since then he has had all the knowledge about mathematics, the only thing The Original Jesus couldn't program into it's memory. Somehow this information caused all the humane things to disappear from it's CPU and since then it has been an emotionless creature.

Crashed theories[edit]

The Evil Math Teacher before the inventing of artificial skin

Some moronic nimwits who call themselves scientists have come up with a completely insane theory that The Evil Math Teacher is the descendant of Vlad Dracul, better known as Dracula. This, of course, is insane because The Evil Math Teacher does not eat. Not even human blood which might sound like something it would do, but no (NEEEEEIIIIIINNN). It has also been said that The Evil Math Teacher was born out of evil midi-chlorians on the planet Tatooine which might sound likely and logical but was crashed when archeologists found the Gospel according to Darth Vader lying around in the Vatican Archives. These writings prove that no such thing has happened. Here's few lines from the Gospel:

-Mary never told you what happened to your father.

-She told me enough, she said you killed him!

-No, Jesus. I am your father!



As surprising as it might sound The Evil Math Teacher is nowadays a math teacher. Experts say that this is only logical after selling ones machine-soul to the Devil.

Special abilities[edit]

  • It cannot die. Mostly because cyborgs do not actually live, they are MACHINES.
  • When it's moving around, flowers around it freeze, little children start crying and darkness falls. Grown-up people feel the presence of absolute evil and as a reflex start preparing themselves for death.
  • If you say something even distantly nasty about it, you will find out that it is standing right behind you. At this point, beg for mercy if it makes you forget the fact that YOU'RE GOING TO DIE.
  • It's able to use the Force Grip, copied to the Star Wars movies by, soon-to-be frozen alive by guess who, George Lucas.
  • He is definitely able to beat Chuck Norris, possibly even Jack Bauer(The person who wrote this mysteriously died)

How to survive it's classes[edit]

  • Don't say anything. Even if you know the right answer don't do it because then he will notice you and when Hammugeddon comes you will most likely be sent to Hell to study advanced mathematics.
  • Shut the Fuck up when it's talking.
  • Remember, it's a machine. Desires are irrelevant so do not offer anything to it.
  • Never show it if you happen to have a religious icon in a necklace. If it sees the icon, there goes your passing degree.
  • Do what it tells you to do and DO IT NOW.

Conversations with a Maths Teacher[edit]

Generally, conversations with any maths teacher involves you (the student) asking a question to which your maths teacher (henceforth referred to a Mr. Mt) avoids answering. Mr. Mt achieves this via employing two methods sarcasm/mockery or complex reasoning which usually involves maths jargon which no-one has or ever will understand. A variety of typical conversation with Mr. Mt are shown below.

Student: Mr. Mt I don’t understand...

Mr. Mt: You’ll understand when your quiet.

Student: But I was away last week when we started this unit.

Mr. Mt: And your point would be?

Student: So we’re just trying to find/prove the rule?

Mr. Mt: That’s right.

Student: Why?

Mr. Mt: Because that’s what the question asks.

Student: But there’s a ‘cheat’ way of doing it, right?

Mr. Mt: Yes, but if I just told you the quick way of doing the question you won’t appreciate the formulas value.

Student: So all the work we’ve been doing for like the last hour...

Mr. Mt: totally relevant.

Student: I did mine completely different, but got the same answer. I used the radius

Mr. Mt: Where’d did distance come in?

Student: What distance?

Mr. Mt: You need to complete the following questions in the next 10 minuets.

Student: What, all of section 2?

Mr. Mt: Yes, it’s the section before 3, but after 1.

Student: Can we turn the fan up?

Mr. Mt: No, just think cool thoughts, think maths.

Student: Mr. Mt, what side of this handout are we suppose to be doing? There’s like two 9.7’s.

Mr. Mt: Well, ones sides the answers, they’re generally much easier to do.

Student: Mr. Mt, Katie just stole my pen. Now she’s taken my whole pencil case.

Mr. Mt: Email me last week when I cared...

Mr. Mt: You need to finish these questions this lesson or else you have to do them for homework.

Students: But it’s a homework free week.

Mr. Mt: Well, in that case you won’t get lunch.

Maths teachers also have a habit of interrupting vital conversations one is having during his/her lesson.

Student: Who has unlimited texting?

Mr. Mt: Not texting, mathsxing.

Student: Why not sciencexing?

Mr. Mt (points to himself): Me, maths.

Student: Where is the heart located?

Other student: I think it’s more towards the centre than that..

Mr. Mt: What are you doing?

Student: Studying for our biology exam. Mr. Mt where is the heart located?

Mr. Mt: This is maths, there’s no heart in here!!

Student: My mum left me at school yesterday. She like completely forgot about me. I couldn’t believe it...

Mr. Mt: Good, that means she doesn’t care about you anymore and will stop coming to parent teacher interviews.

(Two students listening to an iPod, is standing behind them)

Student: I love this song.

Other student: Yeah, it’s pretty good, but I can never remember the name of the singer.

Student: Yeah, who is the singer?

Mr. Mt: I don’t know I can’t hear the song...

Other Things[edit]

  • It is the founder of the terrorist group Al Gebra
  • It is a member of the secret society Illuminati
  • It has children. They are most likely also cyborgs created by it to take over the world.
  • It taught you too. Remember? Old guy with grey hair? A slight red glow in it's eyes? Evil?
  • It played Mr. Spock in Star Trek under the alias of Leonard Nimoy. It was wearing a black wig, it has always had grey hair.
  • The Bush Administration believes that It's in possession of multiple Weapons of Math Instruction.
  • It often goes by the alias of 'Baron Werner von Calculus Harkonnen'. He uses this alias when calculating the area under the curve which the spice flows at.