The Game

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Game.
This will never happen to you.

“My name is Inigo Montoya. You made me lose the game. Prepare to die.”

~ Inigo Montoya on The Game

“Did I win?”

~ Captain Oblivious on The Game

<insert name here> just lost The Game.

History and Origins of The Game[edit]

The Game has existed since the dawn of time, and probably before that, too. It is rumored that the Big Bang, and subsequently the Universe, began after God lost the game. Since then, it has plagued the world and is known to be responsible for the Dinosaurs' extinction, as well as World War II and the Republican Party.

The Middle Ages[edit]

It was forgotten altogether after becoming so popular until famous historian Pope God reintroduced The Game into the world around 1520, and was then killed for having lost. Jerk. The Spanish and British famously used The Game to their advantage to conquer small, unexplored nations, such as South America. The Spanish most famously used The Game to conquer the Aztecs. The Aztec version of The Game was when someone remembered, they won The Game, instead of losing it. The Spanish famously imposed their version of The Game upon Montezuma and this led to a rebellion that led to the destruction of the Aztec and Incan nations.

The Game has also been linked to the Spanish Inquisition. In the Middle Ages, the Catholics decided to eliminate The Game once and for all, most likely to make everyone love them again after their Crusades failed miserably. So, they began labeling those who lost the game as Heretics and burned them at the stake and/or raped them, the sickos. Despite causing a decline in an amount of people who knew about the game, the game was still carried on by underground cults like the Republicans.

Prime Minister Khrushchev famously protesting against unbanning The Game at the 73rd United Nations Conference

The Revival of The Game[edit]

In 1996, The Game was revived as a non-serious, fun pastime. Although there was some controversy at first (see the argument at the 73rd United Nations Conference), the United Nations officially changed "Bill 001" to allow friendly versions of The Game. The Game is still prohibited for any member of parliament worldwide.

Psychology of The Game[edit]

Ironic Process Theory[edit]

White Bear Phenomenon is the psychological process whereby an individual’s deliberate attempts to suppress or avoid certain thoughts (thought suppression) render those thoughts more persistent. A classic example is Fyodor Dostoevsky's quote from Winter notes on summer impressions: “Try to pose for yourself this task: not to think of a polar bear, and you will see that the cursed thing will come to mind every minute.”

Godwin's Law[edit]

Godwin's Law (also known as Godwin's Rule of Nazi Analogies) is an informal adage coined by Mike Godwin in 1990. The adage states: "As a Usenet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1." The rule does not make any statement about whether any particular reference or comparison to Adolf Hitler or the Nazis might be appropriate, but only asserts that the likelihood of such a reference or comparison arising increases in direct proportion to the length of the discussion. It is precisely because such a comparison or reference may sometimes be appropriate, Godwin has argued. This Same concept can be applied to The Game as well. Also, you just associated both Hitler and Nazis with The Game.

Research into the game[edit]

The game is currently being studied in a science lab in Bangkok, as it believed that winning the game may be the cure for hepatitis B. But it seems the game is unwinnable. These scientists are merely trying to unravel the mysteries of the game. But new scientists are needed every month because the scientists kill themselves to try and find a way to escape the game. It's part of the research.

The Game: Fall Of Man[edit]

The Game was sealed behind Russian Borders for a decade, until it overwhelmed everybody and broke out. Reports of losses across Russia grew, and stories of villages losing over night, then, entire cities. We thought we were safe in Britain, but the game traveled on the underground subway and attacked. The British had nowhere to hide, the game wiped out all of the non-losing population of Britain in a matter of weeks. Sergeant Nathan Hale was sent in from America to put an end to the game, but committed suicide after losing the game thanks to a Howler (a large dog which goes around yelling to everybody, that he just lost the game).

End of The Game[edit]

God damn it...

The Game can only be ended under two unique circumstances. In the first scenario, the Prime Minister of Great Britain goes on national television and announces "I just lost The Game." As soon as this happens, everybody who has watched said broadcast loses The Game as well, and consequently one may lose The Game one more time before The Game ends. After the announcement, if a person who has lost The Game loses it again, he has not lost it really, because The Game is over. Under these circumstances, The Game starts again as soon as the Prime Minister who ended it dies.

The second circumstance is if the Pope is assassinated, and his last words are "The Game". In this case, The Game ends forevermore and is never restarted, though The Game 2 might at some point start (this is unknown). The Pope's last words have to be "The Game", and not "the Game", "The game", "Game", or "game", although any language is valid (except Portuguese). If any other words follow "The Game", this doesn't count. Note that the Pope has to be assassinated per se. If he just dies of disease or The Devil, then this doesn't count. He must also be shot by any weapon other than a harpoon.

OR: The endgame

The Game 2[edit]

Since the beginning of time, (or to normal people, the start of The Game) The Game's developer, (identity: Sodra is thought to have created the game, but many people disagree), has been working on The Game 2 but the release date has never been set. The Mayos, a civilization that made a calendar made of dried up mayonnaise and are also people made of mayonnaise, have predicted a possible release date for The Game 2. This date would be sometime in December of 2012 when their calendar ended and they had a giant sign on that date which said "THE GAME 2 BEGINS!" The Game 2 is also set for the same date that the End of Time begins which makes this highly probable due to the fact that the beginning of time was the start of The Game. The Game 2 will probably be composed of all the features The Game has but has a more epic High Score Screen that is not Playstation-esque, all players, and some extra stuff that people would like to have in The Game like "omg, eye beams!"

The Day The Game 2 Starts[edit]

Since time is apparently to end temporarily while The Game's database is being updated, a large amount of people think that it will never start again. (Because they're not informed of The Game 2) Because of this, most of The Game's losers will commit suicide and lose the game for all eternity for their ignorance of The Game 2 being loaded that day because they fail. During the update of The Game to The Game 2, there will be a 3 day loading screen. Most people will stock up on snacks for this because everything will be frozen in time even them, so what was the reason to stock up on snacks again?

The Saying The Game[edit]

Steven Tyler of Aerosmith (AKA 'The Mouth of Sauron') saying The Game just like he says everything else

Remember The Game is always called "The Game" and it will always be "The Game". If you say "the Game" or just "Game" you are talking about something else. It will always be "The Game" and it will stay being "The Game", unless you are talking about "The Game 2" and remember not to spell it "The Game Two". The "The Game 2" cannot be typed " "The Game 2" " because it includes quotation marks. So always type "The Game" or "The Game 2" without the " " " (speech marks). "The Game" is not to be confused with "The Game 2" because they are spelled totally different.

The most important thing according to the rule is not to say "The Game" or "The Game" with the 2 at the end, and remember not two or Two but 2.

The perpetual Losing The Game state theory[edit]

One of the coolest outcomes of the game would be to enslaves the human race in a perpetual "Losing the Game state". This is accomplished as thus:

Person A loses The Game, and stands up to announce it. Person B hears and thus loses The Game as well. Person B announces it, and person C, who is within earshot, also hears. This continues until everyone in the world loses The Game. By now, the 30 minute rule or whatever for Person A and B has expired. Person Zx13 has lost the game, and stands up to announce it. Persons A and B hear, and thus the entire process starts all over again. It will never end. The Game has enslaved everyone, who now must constantly lose the game. maybe teaching "The Game" at schools is highly recommended to cause a world rememberance thus possibly causing a World War 3.

The Exceptions[edit]

As with any enslaving the human race theory, there are some possible exceptions. People who can't hear, see, communicate, or be useful to society in any way. They cannot lose the game by conventional means. Thus, they must have 500 volts of electricity zapped through their heads in Morse Code for "I (stop) J-U-S-T (stop) L-O-S-T (stop) T-H-E (stop) G-A-M-E (stop)". They're either wondering "What's 'The Game'?" or "WHY DID I JUST GET 500 VOLTS OF ELECTRICITY THROUGH MY HEAD 37 TIMES?!?!AND SINCE WHEN DO I KNOW MORSE CODE!!??" or they're not thinking at all. Assuming the first, you use the same Morse Code of Voltage to explain the Game to them. If the perpetual Losing the Game state works, a single 1000-volt shock will remind them about The Game, and that society dislikes them.

  • Babies are engaged in The Game via telepathy, a very common skill.
  • Every time a baby kicks in the womb, it has just lost the game, resulting in the carrier losing the game. We don't inform girls of the game because it is feared that they will get an abortion after losing the game so many times and this could eventually end the human race.
  • The only known way in all the history of man to possibly come close to rewriting history and stopping yourself from losing the game is Pimp slapping Jordan Brennan. And yet, no one has ever found her...
  • The only way to be exempt from the game is to die. However, if everyone figured this out they would likely kill themselves and humans would go extinct.

"Only those who choose to believe in The Game will lose at it. To truly make yourself immune from losing, you must accept The Game for what it truly is: nonexistant. Although by doing so, you may be dividing by zero and putting the world at great risk. But if for some miraculous miracle, the world stays safe, then you have officially made yourself an exception to the rule. Way to go, Smart ass." - God

No One Person Wins The Game[edit]

No matter where you are, not one person can win the game. The logic behind this is simple, three is the game's lucky number and there are only two (not three) reasons you can't win.

You're playing it right now and you're losing... Badly.

There's usually some douche bag that comes to a party and is like "Dude! I lost the game" and you're like "What's the game?" and then they're like "HOLY SHIT!! You don't know what the game is!?" and you're like "No.".... Then they drag you onto Uncyclopedia to learn about the game and then you both lose. You lose every time you look at that person.... From now on... Bitch.

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The idea that isolated areas would be a good place to not lose the game has been proven false, by Australia. As The leading cause of death in Australia is suicide from losing the game.

But in order for a civilization to win, it has to completely be wiped out. There is only one way to make a civilization win and be wiped out, you have to drop an atomic bomb. Now, most people are skeptical about this method, because they're like "What the Hell? Why would we drop an atomic bomb on someone we don't even know?" To this we would respond, "Why don't you ask the Republicans?"

But since most people are dicks and don't want anyone to win, they'll write the rules about the game on the atomic bomb and send a picture of it to the only news channel that this particular civilization has and then the civilization looses, then the Republicans drop the A-Bomb... Don't get pissed, you know they'd do it.


The How To Lose Less[edit]

Winning the game is impossible, as has already been established. The only thing that you can do in order to save your soul from eternal damnation is to make other people lose more. The most obvious way to do this is to say something silly like, "I lost the Game"; but that's boring, dull and soon gets repetetive. The best players are the ones who can think of the most imaginative way of making other lose, like:

An effective way to lose the game. Also, you just associated the show lost with the game.

There are unconfirmed reports of there being a special patch for the one who has come up with the most imaginative way of making someone else lose.

For veterans the game has begun to be less about yourself losing but more of the sad soul who you are making lose and the best way to do this is by puns.

The simplicity of the loss on the losers part is often more infuriating in this way.

Telling someone a really long story, which in fact has no relivance to anything, only to have it end with the line, "I just lost the game".

The Addictions[edit]

The Game is highly addictive. Even more so than nicotine, heroin and stupid emotions. The moment you have heard about it, it is far too late. The only known cure for The Game addictions is Alzheimer's disease. You can increase your chances of developing Alzheimer's by having high blood pressure, being old, limiting vitamin E, C and Omega 3 fatty acid intakes, smoking, stopping all exercise, exposure to high levels of aluminium, binge drinking and sustaining severe head injuries frequently. Or looking at a photo of George W. Bush.

The Withdrawal Symptoms[edit]

If you are one of the lucky few who have managed to break free of The Game addiction somehow, there is a 99% chance you will experience at least 1 of the following withdrawal symptoms...

  • playing with pokemon cards
  • hair blondening
  • not being side tracked by the game.

Unfortunately, upon realizing you have these withdrawal symptons, you will remember The Game, and thus the positive effects will be lost forever...

Winning the game[edit]

Jenson Button won the game on Sunday 28th March 2010, after Lewis Hamilton lost the game in an unnecessary pitstop. Schumacher no longer has any chance of winning the game, as he has won it so many times before.

Winning the game can only be achieved at high speeds, where the memory of the game flies behind you and hits someone in the face. Astronauts are often thought to have won the game, but have been going so fast that they cannot remember. These are similar symptoms to those of swine flu, and anyone but Jenson Button and Buzz Aldrin should contact a doctor.

The Size of the Game[edit]

The game is currently being in played over 9000 countries worldwide, Iraq being the latest to sign up to The Game after Saddam Hussein announced 'You Have Lost, haha! You have lost The Game' moments before his death.

External links[edit]

Fortunately, there are no websites documenting The Game. However:

  • Lose The Game A completely unrelated website not about The Game
  • I Lost The Game A site debating the existence of sheep
  • SaveTheGame.org A site dedicated to bringing salvation to the godless
  • xkcd #391 An attempt to allow you to win The Game, until you've realized you've won it, which means you really lost.
  • Ma-Wiki - Game A similar article about the game on another wiki

The See Also section...[edit]