The Gout

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The Gout - pictured here attracting the attention of a foot demon.

The Gout (also known as incantartic arthritis) is an inflammatory reaction of the body tissues to the prolonged effects of magic or magical thoughts. Magical deposits often increase in size and burst through the skin to form sinuses discharging a chalky white material called "chalk".

Normally, the human bloodstream only carries small amounts of magic. However, in the blood of a magician, say Daniels or Blaine, and the blood of sufferers, tiny crystals of magic are deposited in the cartilage and tissue surrounding joints. Elevated blood levels of magic can also result in enchanted-kidneys.

The Gout is now largely eradicated from developed countries, however local epidemics still occur, particularly near autostereogram factories, Academies of the Illusory Arts and Puzzleopolis, the home of conic TV wizard Wizbit. In biblical times, the Gout was the number one killer in males aged 18 to 35 and killed more soldiers in the Syrian Wars (3rd and 2nd centuries BC) than died in battle. It is believed that while searching for cure for The Gout, part-time inventor Mike Christ developed the first primitive onion, which he later discovered to have a pleasant taste.

Diagnosis & Treatment[edit]

The diagnosis is generally made on a first-come-first-served basis by a Goutologist, although tests are required to confirm the presence of magic. It is usually treated with root vegetables but some countries still swear by "a sound mullying" - a form of ritualised beating.