The Great Escape

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“I've escaped before, but not with a hole in my portrait.”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Great Escape

The Great Escape was a Riot started by the band The All American Rejects. It took place for three days, December 1-3, 2007. It was started in response to the death Anna Nicole Smith earlier that year. Ironically, the massacre has a close resemblance to the L.A. Riots spawned form the Rodney King beating.


On the night of November 30, 2007, the band The All American Rejects awoke from a 10-month coma after a large drinking party on New Year's Eve. The members were doing the Russian Reversal dance when the ceiling caved in, forcing the band into a coma.

On November 30, the band awoke to find out that Anna Nicole Smith was dead. The lead singer then murdered the rest of the band, including drummer Kenny and bassist Ran Cossack.

Day One[edit]

He then teamed up with an old friend Chuck Norris who was in the hospital after he had elbowed a priceless painting of Oscar Wilde on display at the Wynn Las Vegas.

Him and Chuck fought off a group of Emo daywalkers as they screamed AAAAAAAAA!, and then ran into Homestar Runner, who was walking his pet VG Cats. Then, they beat Barney and hijacked his Toyota Camry and BJ's Toyota Corolla.

Then, they hit Ronald McDonald over the head with Barney's Toyota Camry, who then hit Chuck in the face with a Quarter Pounder. The two then hid Ronald in a McDonald's bathroom. The two then evacuated a Burger King next door where they slept for the night.

Day Two[edit]

In the early morning hours, Chuck shot the band member for making Tedious pop culture references. Soon after, it was Peanut Butter Jelly Time, and Nelly Furtado and all of Your Mom's friends teamed up with Chuck.

They then met up with 300 clones of Stephen Hawking, who shot Nelly Furtado in the Booty, which caused her to Queef. Soon, all 300 opponents were taken down by Mr. T, who quickly hid everyone on a bus en route to Alaska.

Day Three[edit]

Soon, the Coast Guard, Navy, Marines, Air Force, and the Army were called in to deal with the massive battle. While en route to Alaska, they met up with Jack Bauer, who suddenly suffered a heart attack. Although everybody was shocked, All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

The armed forces soon found the group on the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, which then asked them the Ultimate Question. "Deal or No Deal?". Mr. T then called out "Ook! I know... Nobody Cares! So then, they group was eated by millions of White mice, and the Great Escape was officially over.


The Great Escape was one of the biggest moments in American history. It is compared to events like 9/11 and Pearl Harbor. It caused more deaths than the Columbine High School Massacre and the Virginia Tech Massacre combined.

See Also[edit]