The Great Fur War
| This article needs liposuction!
|This poor old lady is not in her better shape, but we wish we could trust |
your swift hands to bring her back to her former glory.
We mean rewrite it!
“some funny stuff”
“I AM NOT THE LEADER OF THE YIFF FURRIES”
|The Great Fur War|
A lot of propaganda was thrown around in the Great Fur War, and this was not some of it.
|Date: The 1990s|
|Place: Convention centres across the United States|
|Outcome: Absolutely nothing at all|
|The Yiff furries||NSAMA|
|Robin Williams||God only knows|
The Great Fur War, also known as World War -53, was a massive, but little known conflict that had a profound effect on Furry Fandom. Although it is a little known war, the few historians that know of it have debated its significance for years. While it did result in the destruction of the 1940s (see World War II), its outcome only affected furry and furry lovers. Thus, most people agree that this war should be ignored entirely like Global Warming and AIDS. This article simply provides an account of the conflict for all who wish to know about it. This war took place in between years 1992 and 1999. If you actually took the time to read this, skip the next part, it is complete rubbish.
- 1 A Speech That Killed Many Troops
- 2 Origins of the War
- 3 Failed Assassination: Final Days of Peace
- 4 The War Begins
- 5 The Battle of Les Claypool’s Summer Home
- 6 The Battle of Lawrence's pool
- 7 Dominatrix
- 8 Wish Granted
- 9 Oh Shit
- 10 The War Ends
- 11 The End?
- 12 Side Conflict: Captin Planet's Attempted Takeover
- 13 Result of the war
- 14 Also see
A Speech That Killed Many Troops
It was found in this war that if you repeat this speech you and every thing in a mile radius will explode! niggeregregregrgegregregrets]], a single light for those of hope!.net"
Origins of the War
In AD 1992, war was beginning. High in the mountains of Colorado existed a massive colony of furries. All was well for the furries and, at the moment, they weren’t really annoying anyone except God. God of course hates furries, and thus he decided to turn the entire colony into tomato soup. But, this plan was scrapped as he realized that the sudden appearance of tomato soup in Colorado would attract unnecessary attention,andAl Gore. Thus he developed another plan to divide the furries into two separate and very distinguishable groups. The idea was that the two groups would have such differing outlooks and ideas that they would end up working against each other and eventually attempt to destroy each other, similar to the way he set up congress with democrats and republicans. The first group would consist of Yiff Furries (the furries responsible for furry pornography and anthropomorphic beings in the first place). Their main goals were to promote Sex, watch Sex, videotape Sex, and have Sex. The other group would consist of the “cute” furries, the ones that hate all adult things such as sex and driving. Their main goal was to appear in bad anime shows, look cute, provide comic relief , and prevent Sex between main plot characters by appearing at very inappropriate times. The Yiff Furries generally ignored the “cute” furries as they were more occupied with their main goals (see above). But the “cute” furries hated the Yiff Furries as they were having sex in the first place. Thus, they formed the Non Sexually Affiliated Members of Animal-People, AKA NSAMA.
Failed Assassination: Final Days of Peace
NSAMA soon decided to launch an attack against the Yiff by sending a Vicious Male catgirl to assassinate the Yiffs’ leader Robin Williams. The Catgirl failed in it’s mission, and despite direct orders to not reveal ties with NSAMA, revealed such ties during intensive interrogation (sex) with the Yiff. Upon discovery of the link between the Catgirl and NSAMA, Robin Williams established NSAMA as a direct threat to their sexual paradise, and at the same time declared war on NSAMA.
The War Begins
The Yiff, underestimating their foe, hastily formed an army to obliterate NSAMA. The Yiff army was, at that point, pathetic. Too preoccupied with sex, they had not established any sort of military system, and had not had an arms buildup of any kind. Many of the new recruits had come fresh out of an orgasm and were armed with only sex toys. On top of that, the soldiers had no discipline and would not stay in ranks, let alone not have sex with each other. NSAMA’s forces were, by comparison, far superior. Even before Catgirl incident they had been preparing for the eventuality of war. Already they had a well established military force, well equipped and ready to kick some as Yiff ass, and had even contracted NETcorp to design a WMD to be used if somehow their military might was overcome. The Yiff, not seeing this, sent out their first battalion, 32nd Head Feelers Brigade, in an attack on NSAMA's forces.
The Battle of Les Claypool’s Summer Home
The 32nd HFB did have some success when they met the Company C of the 57th Baby Fur Artillery Battalion at the battle of Les Claypool’s Summer Home. Without proper infantry cover, Company C of the 57th was overrun. Motivated by their victory at Les Claypool’s Summer Home the 32nd HFB moved north 10 miles and stopped to have sex at a place know as Lawrence’s pool.
The Battle of Lawrence's pool
When news of Company C’s defeat arrived at NSAMA HQ, they immediately sent all available forces to obliterate the 32nd HFB. Catching them by surprise, mid orgasm, the NSAMA's 128th Macro Fox division along with the remaining Companies of the 57th Baby Fur Artillery Battalion defeated the 32nd HFB in The battle of Lawrence's pool. This paradox of Furry V.S. Furry action was so great it caused waffles and the destruction of the 1940s.
After their victory at The Battle of Lawrence's Pool the NSAMA forces continued to dominate the field as Yiff forces struggled to obtain a decisive victory. Seeing this, Robin Williams decided to rally support for the war through a speech in front of the troops (see above). Unfortunately, as stated above, the speech caused everything within a one mile radius to explode, thus destroying nearly all of the remaining troops and Robin Williams. Strangely enough, this did succeed in rallying support and thousands put down their condoms and prepared for war. But the Yiff needed time.
The Yiff got their time when NSAMA suffered a massive blow as the entire Baby Fur Battalion turned on each other after the Yiff halted the trade of all diapers by imposing the infamous No Undergarment Law in Bill 382. Although the Baby Furs suffered widespread casualties in the fierce fighting that followed, the law also became a great disadvantage to the Yiff as well. It is argued that this law was a main benefactor in the creation of disturbing cub porn which was created shortly after. This new type of yiffy porn caused a divide in the remaining Yiff forces, the 10 troops that failed to attend the speech. Seeing this weakness in the Yiff army, the NSAMA attempted to convert the remaining Yiff, and persuade the outside world (completely unaware of the conflict at the time) to their point of view. They tried to do this by producing several television shows including CSI and MTV's Sex2K. This mission, dubbed Operation Dog-Dick, was meant to reveal the sickening ways of the Yiff to the outside world. This plan backfired as it failed to convert the remaining 10 troops, and actually turned the vast majority of the population against all furries. To make matters worse, as a result of Operation Dog-Dick, a large number of additional perverts discovered the ways of the Yiff and began enlisting in their army.
While all this was occurring, the Yiff had begun rebuilding their army, and actually did a good job. The new force, the 99th Condom Corps, was well outfitted, disciplined, and 4 times the original army’s size. At this point, NSAMA knew its days were numbered.
The War Ends
The stage was set for one final battle between the Yiff and NSAMA. After the disastrous failure of Operation Dog-Dick, many of NSAMA's own forces began to desert and overall morale was at an all time low. It was so bad they probably could have made the Jews in Nazi Germany feel better about their situation, if this war hadn’t destroyed them. But soon after NETcorp finally finished the WMD they had be contracted to do. And with this new Weapon it looked as if NSAMA stood a fighting chance. In the end it would come down to the Battle of Purple Dildo. At first the Yiff made great progress and NSAMA was forced to pull back. Then NSAMA superiority gave the order to use the WMD. Unfortunately for NSAMA, NETcorp had spent most of their funding on beer and non-permanent tattoos and had thrown the WMD together at the last second. To make a long story short, NSAMA’s troops were literally raped in the ass. This defeat caused the NSAMA to unconditionally surrender to the Yiff.
The Yiff still control the furs today, but small groups of NSAMA soldiers are still resistant to the Yiff Lovers and hope to one day rise up and capture the fandom for themselves. They are known as the Red Fur Faction. (Named after having their Cherries popped)
Side Conflict: Captin Planet's Attempted Takeover
It was around this time that Captain Planet saw an opportunity to take over the entire furry market through the manipulation of the catgirl race. His sceme was to convince the catgirls to take over the land within the furries control that was suitable for farming. This would all him to operate a monopoly on all food products, thus giving him control of the furry market. Convincing them to assist him was easy as the catgirl race had trusted Captain P. on every subject from food poisoning to investment plans. The male catgirls, which existed in great numbers at time, swarmed the farmlands to gain control. But the met stiff resistance, as the furry farmers were more than capable of defending their land. Although they were eventually successful in taking over, 81% of the male catgirl population died in the process. Shortly after, 90% of the remaining male catgirls died of boredom as farmlands fucking suck. This population decrease left the ratio of male to female catgirls at 1 male catgirl to 100 females. Female catgirls are not match for angry farmers (because they are not all nessisarily all male or adventurers). Thus the farmland takeover lasted only a week or so and was completely ignored by both the Yiff and NSAMA. Captain Planet was perma-shunned by all Catgirls because he totally fucked up the ratios. To this day all catgirls are left with specific instructions to kill Captain P. should they see him. but Captain Planet still is more powerful than any catgirl. (poor catgirls)
Result of the war
-Side-effects may include-
- It ended!
- The 1940s were completely destroyed.
- Racist feelings between allies of the Yiff and NSAMA.
- Cub Porn
- Neither side has disarmed!
- You (you are furry bastard!)
- Your Mom (your mom is a furry bastard!)
- The NETcorp
- And Hitler simply disappeared.