The Great Redneck Revolution

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A veteran of the Great Redneck Revolution.

The Great Redneck Revolution, or simply the Republican Revolution (there is a lot of controversy on this name), was fought all across Northern America and the Arctic Circle. It lasted until the Federation Of Greasy People got their lard, hamburgers and their precious (more on that later), and The Redneck Bunch got their nuclear weapons, software companies and hillbilly music. Unsurprisingly, there were many losses and no gains.The total number of Fat Guys that died is 15 457, while the the total number of Rednecks that died is 1(because of the Resurrection Potatoes).

Outbreak Of The Revolution[edit]

They were coming. The people could feel it. The Rednecks. They wanted a lot, but in the beginning, they were insignificant. Because their potato sized redneck brains could not think of anything better, they formed a club which accepted only Rednecks. They didn't have to do that, because nobody would join that club, except for a Redneck. Anyway, it was the only club for fartboxing (like beatboxing, only weirder sounds are produced), agriculture, and queer sexual fetishes in America (you've got loads of them in Thailand).

Remarkably, the club didn't get bombed. President Kennedy quite liked it actually. (He was allowed because he was the president, duh!) But the president saw the Rednecks taking over. You could hear their music everywhere, you could see potato signs everywhere.(The potato was their flag). The Rednecks made a pact with Eskimos to store their weapons, ammo and grenades(corn guns and potatoes)in igloos. The revolution did not begin, however, until a particular Redneck named Cousin Harv shot president Kennedy while he was scuba-diving in the Ohio river. The FOGP(Federation Of Greasy People)was formed, and it was on like Donkey Kong.

The Battle[edit]

The world looked in horror and confusement as Rednecks and Eskimos marched into America, and a rain of potatoes fell down, killing innocent citizens. Tractors rumbled, running over anyone who crossed their path. Hordes of evil sheep started grazing everything, including the Empire State Building. The Rednecks' corn ammo could easily puncture through the FOGP grease armor. Because of the mystical Resurrection Potatoes, the Rednecks were unkillable. Only Cousin Harv died, because of the lack of potatoes nearby. But the FOGP had a secret weapon.

The redneck's main weapon is the 'banjo' which can fire a 20 mm round and it as powerful as half a musket.

A young soldier prepares with his battle-banjo

The Onion Ring Of Power[edit]

The Onion Ring Of Power, a.k.a the preciousssss, as the FOGP called it, was your average onion ring. Like vampires can't stand garlic, it seems Rednecks can't stand onion, but the FOGP had too much grease and too little brain in their heads to realize that they could use millions of onion rings(for no apparent reason, Rednecks didn't hate onions, only onion rings) to destroy the Rednecks. The Onion Ring Of Power was once stolen by a group of incredibly intelligent Rednecks. It's also great for BBQs. Besides, how many onion rings do you REALLY need for a BBQ?(Am I sounding like a Redneck? If I am, please bury me under a load of potatoes, pour some grease over it and eat).

See also[edit]