The Great Timeline
“One of the basic rules of the Universe is that nothing is perfect. Perfection simply doesn't exist... Without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist”
“Confucius say the Universe is a homosexual.”
This is the timeline of the Universe from, ∞ BCE to ∞ CE.
- 1 ∞ BCE
- 2 13820000000 BCE
- 3 10304897892 BCE
- 4 10304897891 BCE
- 5 10304897890 BCE
- 6 10000000000 BCE
- 7 7893435894 BCE
- 8 5000000000 BCE
- 9 4999999999 BCE
- 10 4700000000 BCE
- 11 4582376892 BCE
- 12 4553000899 BCE
- 13 4553000000 BCE
- 14 4543000000 BCE
- 15 4538947347 BCE
- 16 3800000000 BCE
- 17 3578935895 BCE
- 18 2500000000 BCE
- 19 2389730458 BCE
- 20 2389730423 BCE
- 21 2389730234 BCE
- 22 544620000 BCE
- 23 543478934 BCE
- 24 542000000 BCE
- 25 231000000 BCE
- 26 89235723 BCE
- 27 89129345 BCE
- 28 70000000 BCE
- 29 67768956 BCE
- 30 65000001 BCE
- 31 65000000 BCE
- 32 55000000 BCE
- 33 23458989 BCE
- 34 18927313 BCE
- 35 3900000 BCE
- 36 3045890 BCE
- 37 2900000 BCE
- 38 2893734 BCE
- 39 1900000 BCE
- 40 1800000 BCE
- 41 230000 BCE
- 42 212832 BCE
- 43 212829 BCE
- 44 70000 BCE
- 45 61692 BCE
- 46 56342 BCE
- 47 35000 BCE
- 48 34304 BCE
- 49 30000 BCE
- 50 20156 BCE
- 51 9581 BCE
- 52 8747 BCE
- 53 8385 BCE
- 54 8265 BCE
- 55 8000 BCE
- 56 4004 BCE
- 57 3976 BCE
- 58 3760 BCE
- 59 3210 BCE
- 60 3200 BCE
- 61 3142 BCE
- 62 3100 BCE
- 63 3064 BCE
- 64 2250 BCE
- 65 1500 BCE
- 66 1228 BCE
- 67 676 BCE
- 68 509 BCE
- 69 123 BCE
- 70 100 BCE
- 71 46 BCE
- 72 45 BCE
- 73 44 BCE
- 74 9 BCE
- 75 7 BCE
- 76 4 BCE
- 77 3 BCE
- 78 2 BCE
- 79 1 BCE
- 80 1 CE
- 81 2 CE
- 82 5 CE
- 83 7 CE
- 84 8 CE
- 85 59 CE
- 86 64 CE
- 87 66 CE
- 88 89 CE
- 89 91 CE
- 90 119 CE
- 91 287 CE
- 92 395 CE
- 93 476 CE
- 94 555 CE
- 95 621 CE
- 96 738 CE
- 97 800 CE
- 98 880 CE
- 99 881 CE
- 100 902 CE
- 101 1066 CE
- 102 1099 CE
- 103 1160 CE
- 104 1211 CE
- 105 1300 CE
- 106 1320 CE
- 107 1386 CE
- 108 1401 CE
- 109 1492 CE
- 110 1564 CE
- 111 1568 CE
- 112 1632 CE
- 113 1642 CE
- 114 1726 CE
- 115 1733 CE
- 116 1776 CE
- 117 1800 CE
- 118 1847 CE
- 119 1853 CE
- 120 1854 CE
- 121 1874 CE
- 122 1880 CE
- 123 1886 CE
- 124 1891 CE
- 125 1931 CE
- 126 1932 CE
- 127 1934 CE
- 128 1945 CE
- 129 1951 CE
- 130 1963 CE
- 131 1970 CE
- 132 1994 CE
- 133 2005 CE
- 134 2010 CE
- 135 2013 CE
- 136 2017 CE
- 137 2065 CE
- 138 2068 CE
- 139 2072 CE
- 140 2102 CE
- 141 2109 CE
- 142 2110 CE
- 143 13000 CE
- 144 50000 CE
- 145 74963 CE
- 146 892734 CE
- 147 892924 CE
- 148 892926 CE
- 149 898736 CE
- 150 1289378 CE
- 151 1776000 CE
- 152 1776001 CE
- 153 4538978 CE
- 154 13879519 CE
- 155 74893597 CE
- 156 74893603 CE
- 157 250000000 CE
- 158 276347834 CE
- 159 300000000 CE
- 160 800000000 CE
- 161 2345892304 CE
- 162 2800000000 CE
- 163 3458902304 CE
- 164 7600000000 CE
- 165 21048930489 CE
- 166 21940000000 CE
- 167 21956890893 CE
- 168 21956944348 CE
- 169 21965689568 CE
- 170 22000000000 CE
- 171 ∞ CE
- What would become the Universe is only a singularity.
- The Big Bang is the start of the Universe.
- The Universe expands quickly at first in a period called the Inflation.
- The Universe then expands more slowly.
- Pornography appears in video games.
- Oscar Wilde arrives in this time on his penny-farthing time machine to hang out with some aliens.
- When Oscar Wilde reaches there, he makes a flatulence in the middle of a large horde of aliens.
- Oscar Wilde returns back to his time after hanging out there for two weeks.
- Oscar Wilde arrives at this time in Alagaësia.
- He has sex with a woman in Alagaësia.
- Oscar Wilde Jr. is born because of the fuck.
- Oscar Wilde Jr. looks so ugly to Oscar Wilde.
- Because of that, Oscar Wilde returns to his time.
“He looked so ugly that I regretted fucking that woman when I saw him! I didn't even give him any name! The woman did and I hated her for naming him after me!”
- Dark energy causes the Universe to expand faster than ever.
- Coffee is invented causing the rate of cavities to quadruple.
- Yoda is born.
- Three Imperial Star Destroyer pilots thought they saw a fleet of Rebel Alliance members.
- It was actually a group of aliens that had ships that looked like those of the Rebel Alliance because of that.
- The Imperial Star Destroyers shoot lasers at the ships and blow up a giant star that starts turning into the Solar System.
- The Solar System is formed.
- The Hadean Eon begins on Earth.
- The light bulb is invented.
- Life appears on Earth which ends the Hadean Eon and begins the Archean Eon.
- Darwin, the bony fish person, grows legs, is able to eat person food, breathe air, and talk.
- Darwin becomes Gumball Watterson's stepbrother and is called "Darwin Watterson".
- The Order of Nihilists is invented to try to eliminate life from the Universe.
- 500,000 people are in the Order of Nihilists.
- 30,000,000 people are killed by the Order of Nihilists.
- After 224 years of killing living organisms, everyone in the Order of Nihilists gets brutally killed.
- Only 4,589 nihilists are left (these were nihilists who weren't stupid enough to join the Order of Nihilists).
- Aliens test high levels of radiation.
- The radiation tested by aliens 2,620,000 years before this time reaches organisms on Earth causing them to go through a mutation that let them be able to live on land which ends the Proterozoic Eon and begins the Phanerozoic Eon.
- Dinosaurs appear on Earth.
- The first dinosaur shits.
- People start masturbating.
- Bill Gates and Oscar Wilde arrive at this time.
- Bill Gates and Oscar Wilde return to their times after hanging out with each other for 8 minutes.
- T. rex appears on Earth.
“I will kill myself and call it suicide.”
- Aliens crash their spaceship into an asteroid while exploring the Solar System.
- All the spaceship blows up and all the aliens in it die.
- The asteroid starts hurtling at Earth.
- The asteroid that the alien spaceship crashed onto Earth forming the Gulf of Mexico and killing most of the dinosaurs like the T. rex (the rest either starved to death or died because Earth was getting too cold for them).
- The last dinosaur died.
- The minigun is invented.
- Gay people are discovered.
- The laptop computer is invented.
- Diamond is discovered.
- An alien spaceship lands in one of Earth's oceans and sinks.
- All the aliens on the spaceship die.
- Australopithecus afarensis appears on Earth.
- Gay people take up 89% of the alien planet Mogrobo.
- An international law is made by all the people of the planet Mogrobo that everyone must have at least three offspring by age 356 (which is middle age for the aliens on the planet).
- The whole gay Mogroboan population suicides.
- Australopithecus afarensis goes extinct.
- Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and Chuck Norris arrive at this time to teach aliens how to play poker.
- The trio of humans starts playing poker there.
- Chuck Norris gets in last place and gets mad because he lost $1,000.
- The trio of humans gets into their time machines.
“I will never play poker again! I would rather fuck Irma Grese than that play that game for idiots!”
- Homo erectus appears on Earth.
- Homo erectus learns how to make fire.
- Neanderthals appear on Earth.
- The First Great Neanderthal War ends.
- Morals are learned and would be remembered for thousands of years.
- Homo erectus goes extinct.
- The dab is invented.
- The morals learned after the First Great Neanderthal War are forgotten when the Second Great Neanderthal War begins.
- The Second Great Neanderthal War ends.
- Homo sapiens sapiens appears on Earth.
- An evil Homo sapiens sapiens suggests Neanderthals are too stupid to exist.
- Many Homo sapiens sapiens agree with the evil Homo sapiens sapiens.
- Homo sapiens sapiens start killing Neanderthals.
- Neanderthals go extinct.
- Boys in Europe start playing a game called "Urinate on Each Other" in which they urinate on each other (while covering their penises).
- While playing Urinate on Each Other, a boy accidentally swallowed urine.
- The boy died.
- Urinate on Each Other is banned from the city the boy died in.
- Some of the people in the city start a campaign to ban Urinate on Each Other from Europe, Africa, and Asia (the only places were people play it).
- Urinate on Each Other is banned from Europe, Asia, and Africa.
- The last mammoth dies.
- A Christian arrives at this time with an atheist to try to prove this was when Earth was made.
- The two people encounter 66 warriors.
- The atheist escapes and travels back to his time escapes but the Christian gets killed by one of the warriors.
- Lithium is discovered.
- A Jew arrives at this time with the same atheist to try to prove this was when Earth was made.
- The two people encounter 396 warriors.
- The atheist escapes and travels back to his time escapes but the Jew gets killed by one of the warriors.
- Plans for human civilization on Earth are made.
- People working on human civilization on Earth.
- Human civilization on Earth is made.
- π is discovered exactly 1000π years before 1 CE, which is on August 4, 3142 BCE.
- Ancient Egypt is made.
- The trio of humans (Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, and Chuck Norris) who played poker in 89129345 BC arrives at this time.
- Chuck Norris starts dating three Mesopotamian women just to see how far he could go.
- Bill Gates and Warren Buffet travel back to their time because there is nothing interesting to do.
- After dating the three Mesopotamian women for one week, Chuck Norris breaks up with the Mesopotamian women and travels back to his time.
- The first empire is made.
- Hinduism is made by a person who thinks he knows everything when he doesn't.
- A a man and his wife in China try to see what life is like without their genitals by cutting them off.
- The man and wife get killed because of how messy they were since they needed to use their genitals to urinate.
- Rome becomes free from Etruscan rule.
- Gay Etruscan kills himself.
- Julius Caesar is born.
- 14 people from 1966 arrive at this time to show the Romans how to make a hot dog.
- The Romans think it is stupid because it sounds like eating a dog.
- All the 14 people are captured by the Romans and put to death.
- A large group of nomads arrives in China, steals an entire field of rice with eight nomads and 920 farmers getting killed in the process.
- Nobody cares about the event with the farmers, nomads, and rice.
- Julius Caesar dies.
- Scandium is discovered.
- A gladiator in Rome gets thrown by a lion into the crowd and accidentally kills someone there with his sword.
- The Roman emperor orders the execution of that gladiator.
- Krypton (the element, not the planet) is discovered.
- Boron is discovered.
- Juice is invented.
- Uranium is discovered.
- Xenon is discovered.
- The term "piss" is invented.
- The anus is discovered.
- People wonder if they could ever make a powerful weapon.
- Yo mama jokes are invented.
“Yo mama is so fat that when she went inside the ocean, all the land flooded”
- The Great Fire of Rome breaks out.
- People keep thinking about if they could make powerful weapons.
- Trolls are discovered.
- Trolls go extinct.
- A poor Roman family of seven is abducted by aliens.
- Nobody cares about what just happened.
- The western half of the Roman empire falls.
- Gay claims tomatoes are not poisonous and is killed for questioning what the government says.
- A group of people becomes the first vikings.
- A group of Vikings commit genocide by killing 12,190 people.
- All the vikings who helped with the genocide are put to death.
- Another group of vikings that were smaller than the one that committed genocide try to infiltrate a castle but fail.
- The last viking dies.
- The first order of knighthood is made.
“Thatan and the other people of Hell have broken at leatht one law of God tho that they have to eat the living's shit.”
- A painting of a naked Muhammad (including his penis) is made.
- The painting becomes the most popular piece of pornography of that time.
- The Renaissance begins.
- Condoms become illegal in Europe when a pastor teaches that God gave humans the ability to fuck so that they could have a more fun way of having kids, not to just mess around.
“God gave humanth the ability to fuck so that they could have a more fun way of having kidth, not to just meth around. You mutht question God tho condomth are bad.”
- The term "bullshit" is invented.
- The shortest battle of the 15th century is fought between ninja lasting only 10 seconds.
- Galileo is born.
- Galileo learns to count to 10.
- Galileo's book Dialogo sopra i due massimi sistemi del mondo, tolemaico e copernicano appears in Florence.
- Galileo dies.
- A stampede of cattle kills 33 farmers and 61 Native Americans.
- Nobody cares about the event with the cattle, farmers, and Native Americans.
- The USA is made.
- Tomatoes are found out to not be poisonous.
- Random person kills himself after eating a tomato to show that tomatoes make you mentally ill.
- Nobody believes what that person did.
- Thomas Edison is born.
- Thomas Edison loses his first lower central incisor.
- Thomas Edison loses his first upper central incisor.
- Thomas Edison invents the quadruple telegraph.
- People are more curious than ever if they could invent a powerful weapon.
- Aliens arrive Earth (this is the last alien arrival on Earth while humans are still not extinct) but are quickly shot by pistols and rifles.
- Aliens start to not send any more of their kind to Earth because they keep disappearing.
- Aliens also start to call Earth the "planet of no return".
- Thomas Edison dies.
- A criminal breaks out of jail and the police can't catch him.
- A soldier shoots him with his rifle and he dies.
- Chuck Norris arrives at this time to take a hike when the environment wasn't damaged as much.
- A bear arrives at a military base that Chuck Norris visited.
- Chuck Norris takes a photo of the bear before it is killed.
- American Atheists is made, causing Christianity to decline in the USA.
- Pastor kills himself after his church closes.
- The popularity of sex starts to decline only on Earth.
- Amazon is made.
- Uncyclopedia is made.
- The iPad is invented.
- Matricide is invented.
- Donald Trump becomes the president of the USA, which causes everyone who understands politics to be horrified.
- Known oil reserves run out.
- As a coincidence, science becomes better than ever when scientists finally prove strings exist.
- World War V begins.
- World War V ends.
- Aliens look at Earth just to see if humans aren't extinct yet.
- Aliens predict humans will go extinct in 2110 CE.
- Humans go extinct.
- Uncyclopedia falls with humanity.
- Earth's electromagnetic field flips around for the last time.
- Niagara Falls is completely gone.
- Aliens find out humans have went extinct.
- The aliens start spreading the news.
- Aliens fly to Earth
- The aliens arrive on Earth.
- The aliens dig up the body of JFK.
- The alien civilization on Earth is gone.
- A time period of making civilizations on Earth begins.
- An alien country named the United States of America (USA) is made.
- The alien USA falls.
- Element number 200 is discovered.
- Slavery is banned in every culture in the Universe.
- World War XXII begins.
- World War XXII ends in a tie.
- The time period of making civilizations on Earths ends.
- A new supercontinent appears on Earth.
- Aliens decide to clean up most of the carbon dioxide on Earth and let the rest decay naturally.
- Carbon dioxide levels return to how they were before the Industrial Revolution.
- Multicellular life becomes impossible on Earth.
- People stop masturbating because of how unpopular sex has become.
- Life becomes impossible on Earth when it heats up to about 296.33 degrees Fahrenheit.
- Obese people become banned from all cultures in the Universe.
- Earth's sun swallows up Earth.
- The popularity of sex starts to decline throughout the Universe.
- Galaxies rip apart.
- Masturbation starts to decline.
“Very useful for killing enemies.”
- People stop masturbating because of how unpopular sex has become.
“Masturbation is only for stupid fuckers.”
- The Universe becomes infinitely large.