The Hulk (film)

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The Hulk
Hulk.png
Directed by Ang Lee
Written by Standard McGee
Starring Tom Cruise
Julia Roberts
Produced by Gale Anne Hurd
Distributed by Universal Pictures
Release date May 15, 2003
Runtime 138 minutes
Language English
Budget $13.54
IMDb page


This article refers to the 2003 film, The Hulk. For the fictional character, see The Incredible Hulk. See also, the 1970s television series The Incredible Hulk (TV series).
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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Hulk (film).

The Hulk was the feature film designed originally as a Broadway musical but premiered in theaters in the summer of 2003. It was directed by Ang Lee (director of Brokeback Mountain) and stars Julia Roberts, Tom Cruise, Richard Nixon, and features a guest appearance by ET.

While under production to be a Broadway musical, the studio went bankrupt. The producer, who was quite attached to the project, suggested that it be made into a feature film, as this would be cheaper. The film premiered May 15th, 2003.

The producer shot himself May 16th, 2003.

While no one knew it at the time, The Hulk was actually based on a comic book series that had been produced in the late seventies. However, Standard McGee, the comic's publisher, demanded that all copies be shipped to Cambodia and destroyed. He lives in Pacir and goes to the St. Moravica gym.

It is rumored that a video game was made off the film. But this has been officially denied by any still living participants in The Hulk project.

Plot[edit]

The plot of the movie really has nothing to do with the comic book series, as none of the movies producers have ever read it.

The Hulk Production Photo

The movie begins in the middle of a rugby game in Iceland without any prior explanation. The Australians cheer as they're winning, with England at fifty-two and Australia at three. Everyone but the English team and the audience if having a great time until a 747 jet crashes into the stadium (piloted by Jodie Foster) and the audience, as well as all but one of the English team is killed. The Australians, thinking its a ploy to grab their attention, continue to make the winning goal, beating England with a score of four (Australia) to fifty-two (England).

The vibrations of the crash spread out across the desert and awaken the millennium old terror, The Hulk. He comes alive and instantly begins running toward Denmark, where is age-old foe Godzilla sits in a small-town Cafe sipping a latte.

Alhulk.jpg

Meanwhile, our hero Dick Headly (Tom Cruise) is trying to warn a disbelieving parliament that the world is headed toward certain global destruction. After a heated debate on the history of Scientology, Dick is removed from the hearing.

Three years later, The Hulk finally makes it to Denmark, where he finds to his delight that Godzilla was killed in a mafia shooting. However, the thought dawns on The Hulk that it wasn't he who killed Godzilla, but the members of the mafia. This angers The Hulk greatly and he runs for president of the USA (beating out Al Gore with a stunning 53%), after which he announces a Global War against the Mafia. France refuses to join and is promptly nuked.

Dick Headly decides it's up to him to stop The Hulk and during the process somehow meets the hot female star whose name is never mentioned in the film (Julia Roberts).

The movie ends with The Hulk dead and most of New York City, Tokyo, Chicago, San Francisco, and Mongolia, destroyed. The hot female star whose name is never mentioned in the film falls in love with Dick Headly and the movie ends. But not before we see an egg hidden in a dark sewer, presumably with the offspring of The Hulk waiting inside... THEN BAM! DICK CHENEY IS ALL LIKE, "BOOM! HEADSHOT."

Explanation[edit]

No one has ever offered a decent explanation for this movie, so it is widely accepted that there isn't one.

Sequel[edit]

PLEASE, no.

Cast and characters[edit]