The Ice Skater Effect

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The Ice Skater Effect, first discovered by Torville & Dean in 1066, and first investigated by God in 2009, is another process by which mankind will adversely effect the environment.

Basic Science behind The Ice Skater Effect[edit]

As you can see from the following diagram the Law of Conservation of Angular Momentum means that if you move a spinning mass closer in to the axis of it's revolution it will start to go a damn site faster. ( or in correct science type speak: for rotating bodies, if their radii decrease they must spin faster in order to conserve angular momentum... or summink like that anyway)

Ang mom.gif

This is really well demonstrated by those fancy ice skaters who pull their arms in to spin around a lot quicker than they were, hence the name "The Ice Skater Effect"


Before mankind was here the planet was covered in trees, lots and lots of trees, my God there were just so many of the things it was almost as if it were a forest!. Now the thing about trees is they are Tall, well most of them are anyway (except of course the short ones that is, but they will grow up to be tall eventually)). Some trees are so really tall it's just amazing. Mankind has been cutting down all these trees for a long time now,mainly to make toothpicks (and in the Far East, chopsticks),thus bringing their mass a lot closer to the center of the Earth. This means that due to the Ice Skater effect the Earth is starting to spin faster and faster.

Adverse Effects[edit]

  • Everywhere becoming a Desert: As the earth speeds up it will act like a giant clothes spin dryer and all the water will be thrown off into space, turning our once lush planet into a giant desert.
  • Everyone will fall over: With the increase spin we are all going to get very dizzy, like in the fairground rides. With more people falling over this will mean an increase in the number of people sueing leading to a collapse in the economy with everyone winning so much no-one has to work anymore.

Not Adverse Effects[edit]

It will be quicker and take less fuel to fly to Australia, as the Earth will be speeding away underneath the plane much quicker. (You'll note I didn't say from where it would be quicker as I couln't figure out which way the earth spins)

How to stop it[edit]

The Ice skater effect works in the other direction as well. So to slow the earth back down again we need to find some way of moving a massive amount of mass away from the earths center of rotation. One way to do this would obviously to grow lots and lots more trees, however this would take too much time and effort. A much easier way would be to force all Americans to wear 2" platform shoes.

Just Imagine her in 2" heels.