The Letter People

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Seriously, you don't want to go there.

The Letter People is a children's television program which was aired from 1906 to 1968 A.C. on PBS, airing 30 minutes after Mr. Roger's Neighborhood and Sesame Street. The show took place in the middle of New York City and revolved around the adventures of the 26 minions of Satan. Each episode had the length of about 26 hours-- each hour focused on a different satanic minion.

Theme Lyrics[edit]

"Come on kids, let's follow the evil puppy,"
"Posessed by Beelzebub himself.
"Let's just do what we're told and follow the evil puppy,
"We're all gonna die in Satan's Hell!"

Mrs. A (Anne Coulter) sings
  • Mr. B - British Bumhumper B. Happy
Mr. M was renowned in the series for violating many mummies
  • Mrs. I - I have to use the urination station... hold on...
  • Mr. M - Makes Mummies engage in Masturbations
  • Mr. P - Pathetic Pokemon Nerd
Mr. N and his VERY phallic nose
  • Mr. T - Tinkling Tea Tree
  • Mrs. U - Unneccessary Underwear
  • Mr. W - Weird Water Walrus

Copyright Infringement Court Cases[edit]

In 1916, Mickey Mouse sued the Letter People for being too much of a crass and sexual show, as he claimed that the program was a bad influence on his son and had his son cutting himself like a little emo kid. Satan, the creator of the show, tried to appeal and said that the show was only created for entertainment purposes, and that he wouldn't ever use a TV show to drag people into Hell. "Why use something as outdated as television", said Satan, "when I have more contemporary ways to take people in, like Kitten-Huffing, or lame Chuck Norris jokes?".

Satan's new "The Letter People" character, Ole Darnell Nappy Face, which was an attempt to add diversity to the show and please anti-racism activists: It was very successful

Mickey also attacked back saying that the show was offensive to the black community and had no African-American characters. The next year, a new character was added, named "Ole Darnell Nappy Face", who added diversity to the show's cast, and kept Black anti-defamation leauges happy. It was never made too clear what letter he was supposed to represent, but it was probably the letter @, #, %, or &.

Then, after this, Tom Cruise smoked some more bong and told everyone that aliens were inside the desk lamp of the jury. Everyone looked at him like the schizophrenic idiot that he is. Everyone stared for a few more minutes, and then decided that if scientologists like Tom Cruise can get away with existing, then Satan only deserved to keep his show on the air. The case and trial was dismissed very early on, and Tom Cruise was executed by Satan himself and sent to Hell and all was well for the denzeins of Hell.

The second court case took place in 1993, when Caillou sued Hell, inc. for replacing an hour of broadcasting of the show with a Goatse photo. Millions of children in the U.S.A. and Afganhistan had been exposed to this image. Satan confessed and said he was the biggest Goatse fan in the world, and he just... he just couldn't help himself-- Goatse... it made him feel... like himself-- it was the only thing in the whole world that made him tick. Seriously. So Caillou's heart softened, and Caillou eventually became a fan of the award-winning sitcom, "Goatse", as well. The court case was dismissed, and Tom Cruise was killed again.

See also[edit]