The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

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The inevitable low-budget Turkish version, "Grossly Obese Lion Helps pasty-faced Children Combat Haggard and Indecently Dressed Kurd women in Polar Bear Chariots"


The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe was the successful follow-up to the Bollywood film The Maharaja, His Harem and Fifty Elephants, this film was a resounding hit for the business, earning $5.50 at the box-office and selling 600 million pirated DVDs before it came out.

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe follows a group of lovable Bombay orphans as they combat the forces of ugly with the help of Vishnu, in the form of a giant tiger shark. The forces of ugly are lead by Natas, a moustached British colonial general (as portrayed by Napoleon) who kills Vishnu in a three-way battle royale between him, Vishnu and Pat Robertson.

After killing the noble shark, Natas says "reincarnate this, Shark!", but then Vishnu resurrects instantly and kicks the evil Britich colonial general (as portrayed by Napoleon) in the face, knocking him down into the water where he gets all wet and eaten by rabid goldfish. Much to the delight of the young children in the audience. All the ugly animals in the world die and only the beautiful (which means they have souls of pure good) animals remain to accompany Vishnu and the Bombay orphans.

Several complaints from the Hindu audience were made because there wasn't enough 'ugly' animals slain in the making of the movie. The studio therefore immediately began production on a new Chronicles of Narnia movie due out yesterday. This new film is said to have consumed thousands of cows, pigs and oxen.