The Living End

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“I once ate a pumpkin”

~ John Howard on his love of the Living End
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Living End.

The Living End are an Australian Rock/Pub Rock/Punk/Pop Punk/Punkabilly/Rockabilly band who specialise in a highly evolved kind of Rock/Pub Rock/Punk/Punkabilly/Rockabilly music. Not to be confused with "The Living Start", a collective of English Teachers who really should choose a different career path.

The Living End = Gods


The Living End were formed sometime between the invention of the wheel and the collapse of the Berlin Wall. The band came about when a large, particularly ferocious hamster named Pinky went on a destructive rampage, killing all humans with such vindictiveness that those that remained fled into hiding, or tried to satisfy the hamster's desire to kill by offering their firstborn son as a sacrifice. none of these attempts worked. One of these firstborns was a young boy by the name of Chris Cheney, who proceeded to fight the hamster with the courage, passion and asskickingness of a true dipshit impersonator. Chris subsequently travelled around the world, touching all those that had been at the mercy of the hamster. On these travels, he met two others who shared his love for horny pink hamsters by the name of Scott Owen and Joey Pipirizi.

Early Work[edit]

The first release by the group was entitled "Hellbound". The album brought about reasonable success, if success is measured by the extra socks and undies your mother sends you as naugthy christmas presents. Shortly afterwards, they released another EP, this time entitled "It's probably for your own good, if you choose to accept it". This brought the group a fair amount of radio airplay, but also the attention of Calehfornian midget/punk pop band Green Day. When Green Day toured Australia some time afterwards, the Living End were the support band. The toured ended horrifically for the band, when drummer Joey Pipirizi got his head stuck in a pancake machine, killing him amid a sea of batter and maple syrup (tainted with blood). Shortly afterwards, drummer Travis Dempsey was splattered with the collective remains of this disaster as a welcome gift. Travis Dempsey was a llama,what a lineup????

Not So Early Work[edit]

During the Battle of Middle Earth, the Living End released "The Living End", an album created both to show off their talent for inventive Album names, and to fire up the soldiers to encounter the evil armies of Pinky the horny hamster on the doorstep of Mordor. A copy of the album was smuggled out of Middle Earth and somehow managed to land itself in Australia's BBQ community. Unconfirmed reports suggest this smuggling quest involved a pineapple, a horse named Joseph and a bar of Cadbury chocolate, but these are still unconfirmed. Memorable songs from the Album include "In The Name Of Pinky", "Arwen Is One Sexy Fox" and "Legolas Is my Homosexual boyfriend". Legolas' lawyers subsequently sued the band due to defamation, but the case was thrown indefinitely out of court when the judge took one look at Legolas and laughed himself to a slow, painful death. Excited by their success, the band decided it was time to become a travelling strip trio. Their relatively unknown performances of this period, "Chris Cheney and the Runaway Boys sing songs about Satan" received very little acclaim, apart from a surprising amount of support from the Gay Metal scene. The band decided that it was time to resume being The Living End.

The Living End is so awesome...[edit]

If you listen to The Living End, you're safe for now... if you don't... then you'll probably get your ass kicked by Scott, then Andy will come at you with a butchers knife and slash the shit out of you, and then if that isnt enough Chris will go kung fu on your ass and then hire a steam roller to finish you off

Thank god I listen to them...

The Not So Early, Yet Not So Recent Work[edit]

Andy Strachan, Cactus

In Honour of the coronation of Queen Bernard II as overlord of the universe, The Living End released "Roll Onwards Towards Victory!". This was well received by fans, . Around this time, the band also decided that they could play better on stage naked. Playing naked revealed what some people had long suspected; that the band were indeed a form of highly evolved bonsai. Fans were unsure as to how they should take this surprising development, as on one side of the argument being of a different species made the band highly unique however on the other hand enjoying music of a different species is certainly highly unusual. In the end, the band's status changed very little. After finishing touring in support of the album, singer/guitarist/homosexualist and Vatican representative Chris Cheney was involved in a car accident that very nearly took his life.Unfortunantly he survived the crash and went on to commit a string of child pornography crimes. He had been driving late at night for no apparent reason, when one of his branches slipped off the steering wheel, and hit him square in the face. The car veered off the side of the road, landing in a ditch under a small bridge. While initial injuries were fairly minor, a Troll (which most likely has been from Mordor) who claimed partial ownership of the bridge (along with the Cookie Monster) felt endangered by this invader, and subsequently beat Chris with a Herring. The injuries sustained took many months to heal, resulting in a period of unwanted down time. During this period, drummer Travis Dempsey was eaten by a hamster-believed to be a distant relative of Pinky. After Chris recovered, he and Scott commenced searching for a new drummer. Initially, the search was fruitless, as annoyingly undeveloped humans are incapable of playing drum parts written for those with branches,leaves and limbs. However they eventually discovered Andy Strachan, who is neither human nor bonsai. He is actually a cactus, who has developed a playing style in which he uses his little spiky Spines to play the drums. The only downside to his presence in the band is that when he dives off the stage during concerts, a mass frenzy to get the hell away usually results. Sometimes fans are too late, fans which have been known to lose significant body parts.Some claims reveal that whole genitals have been devoured in this event. These claims have yet to be proven and so the charges have been dropped.

The Period Bordering On Recent[edit]

During the vernal equinox of 1756BC the Living End released "Modern Artillery: Soundtrack To War". The album reflected a significant change in the musical direction of the band, the most prominent being an increased amount of Glockenspiel solos. Indeed, the album features only 7 tracks, 6 tracks which run for 0:20 each, and one track entitled "My Glockenspiel Wants To Kill Your hamster", which runs for 78 minutes. The album was received surprisingly well by the public, making it the highest selling CD of the 1750's (an astonishing feat, considering the CD was not actually invented for 4 more centuries). Shortly after the release, Chris Cheney divorced himself from his 5th limb, citing creative differences as the reason. However it is widely believed that it was actually due to the limb hitting on his girlfriend (literally). He decided to continue with a mere 7 limbs (making him legally a form of shrub). Either way, he still plays guitar like a legend.

The nearly recent but not quite there yet period[edit]

During this period in time they decided to experiment with new sounds and new organs resulting in the release of "Statue of Emergency" upon signing to Dick Cheez records. It includes many songs about statues and other works of art. It has also proved to be controversial to many politicians for the song "Whats on Your Radio" due to hidden messages of repressing people to gain information about What is on their radio. All copies of "Statue of Emergency" were taken off the shelves and re released a few months later but instead of "Whats on Your Radio" there was a never heard before 3 hour remix of "Prisoner of Society" done on a pipe organ. This track led to subsequent legal battles with the Kingdom Of Prussia concerning comments made in relation to an affair between Otto von Bismarck and his mentor Eminem.

White Boize[edit]

White Boize is the newest album by the group, moving into gangsta rap and hiphop, losing their Rock/Pub Rock/Punk/Punkabilly/Rockabilly tag. Again receiving much popularity within the homosexual and bisexual community's for titles such as "dont touch my man or i'll bust a load in your ass", "its fun to stay at the Chris Cheney institute of homosexual activity" and "a tense moment between men". The limited addition sold over four billion copies within ten minutes of its release sporting the limited addition "Chris Cheney can stick his branch wherever he wants" Tshirt.

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