The Preamble

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“Schoolhouse Rock - 1973 - BABY!!!”


Not to be confused with the Constitution of the United Spades of Amerika's Preamble, this historic document was written by Anonymous and published in a year.


We'll analyze The Preamble like most historians do, by using increasingly long strings of asterisks. Hopefully we can gain some insight into just WTF that silly old man Anonymous was thinking.

The Preamble[edit]

We the People* of the (unreadable), in order to form a more perfect union**, establish justice***, ensure domestic tranquility****, provide for the common defense^, promote the general welfare^^ and secure the blessings of liberty^^^ to ourselves and our posterity^^^^ do ordain and establish this Constitution^^^^^ for the (unreadable).[edit]

* Anonymous is generally assumed to be schizophrenic. ** At the time, union fees were excessively high, and non-union workers tended to snag most jobs. *** By the best guess of historians, this was sarcasm. **** Anonymous often fought with his wife. Several of these incidents appeared on Cops.

^ Using records from the same region, historians have been able to determine that whatever country the Preamble came from had a horrible soccer team, setting the record for most own-goals before the game was even invented. ^^ This may have been sarcasm as well. Everyone knows that the only reason welfare exists is for the poor to mooch off the rich. ^^^ Liberty may have been some sort of Pagan priest. ^^^^ What this had to do with their butt, historians are still unsure. ^^^^^ This civilization may have been some of the earlier players of D&D ^^^^^^ Butt sex == wai of da future?