The Reflex

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Beloved philosopher of the so-called "New Romantic" movement, Simon The Good.
Simon The Good's seminal philosophical work describing the nature and behavior of the phenomenon known as "The Reflex".

The Reflex is a powerful entity with diverse characteristics, behaviors and responsibilities. First described by beloved philosopher of the so-called "New Romantic" movement, Simon The Good, in his seminal 1983 apologetic entitled, cryptically, "Seven and the Ragged Tiger", The Reflex has endured decades of interpretations, examinations and funky dance moves by skinny white kids since its publication. Probably the most important thing to be aware of regarding this phenomenon is not to bruise it, or at least to try not to. What follows is a summary of Simon The Good's philosophical analysis of the entity, and your responsibilities and expectations regarding using it, if you should choose to.

You've gone too far[edit]

The Reflex is known to complain about how far you have gone, even if you are dancing on the valentine. Perhaps, like many others, you are occupying what is known as the "dangerline". If so, you should be aware that someone is likely to fool around with your chances there. If not, then simply be aware of it for when you do cross that bridge. It would be a mistake to wait until that high time to look for someone to give you a helping hand.

Why not use it?[edit]

Using The Reflex is highly recommended. However, if you do choose to use it, be very careful with it. The most important thing to remember is that it bruises very easily, and mishandling it can cause irreparable damage. Time, after all, is a commodity; it can be purchased, and it can be lost. The former is far preferable to the latter, clearly.

Having no brothers or sisters to occupy or concern itself with, The Reflex will wait for you to decide when you are ready to start using it. You will find it at your local neighborhood park, most likely sitting quietly on a bench, taking care of a patch of four-leaf clovers, which is bizarre, but that's what it does. It's job as the overnight shift supervisor of the treasure hunt affords it a lot of time, after all. Just be aware that its every behavior will engender more questions for you than answers.

The merry-go-round[edit]

While riding on the merry-go-round[1], you will want the ride to end so you can get off, but you will find that its operators are unwilling to even slow it down. This is unfortunate and unavoidable - the key thing to know, however, is that if you do not wish to face the consequences of the information about it possibly becoming public somehow, then it will behoove you to sell both your Renoir painting and your television.

Skinny white kids, trying not to bruise it.


Finally, remember also that, if you play its game, The Reflex will hide all the cards. Keep in mind these three things, as described above: firstly, that its job shift as treasure hunt supervisor is at the darkest time of the night; secondly, that it has a bizarre hobby of taking care of patches of four-leaf clovers; and finally, that every aspect of its behavior will leave you with more questions than answers.

And do try not to bruise it.


  1. Also called a "roundabout"
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