“If I was green, I would die da ba dee da ba die.”
“What a smurfing waste of space!”
“What's the matter? We're just 101 tiny blue guys without shirts who wear condoms as hats!”
“They're hats is red and they don't never use money, so they're's co-mu-nists. If the're's com-u-niests, they must be tay-uh-riests, and we gotta shoot em.”
Origin of the Smurfs
"The Smurfs" (Smurf standing for "Sozialist Man Under Reich Fuhrer") was originally a Nazi propaganda piece developed in the 1930s when Germania invaded Pollockistan, then a television show aired for a specific audience. Originally used in asylums as a way of getting patients to calm down, it worked so well the producers decided to market it to another crowd of equally disturbed humans, the children of America and Europe. The show revolved around a large tribe of tiny blue men, with the exception of one female, the Smurfine. (Smurfine, it was revealed shortly before the franchise sold out, was actually also a male. This would make sense considering the Smurfs were never known to reproduce at all.) This tribe lived mostly off mushrooms deep in a forest, where a strange man and his cat would mistake them for rats and occasionally chase them.
Many parents would agree, it was an almost unbearably sexy show. But because of its soothing capabilities, there were no complaints of their children watching it.
There were several main characters, including the aforementioned Smurfine, Papa Smurf, the wizard, and his cat. Papa Smurf had an alpha male dominence over the whole tribe of Smurfs, and it after an interview with the creator it was said that Papa Smurf represents the government. The Wizard, fitting into this intricate tapestry of symbolism, is representative of economic downfall, scavenging for food with his cat and causing misfortune with his visits to the Smurfs. Smurfine, in contrast, doesn't represent anything at all. The series simply needed a female character, the creator said,or he would receive an awful lot of complaints in the mail.
As of recent, the famous Nazi propaganda piece, originally titled "S.M.U.R.F.", was recreated in the 2010 film Avatar. The film involves the Polish marauders (in the recent movie they're US jarheads and potheads) invading the peaceful land of Germania (in the recent movie it's called Pandora) and fighting the Nazis (in the recent movie they're called the Na'avi).
Not Related to Gremlins
Smurfs are smurfer than your average Michael Jackson, with scientific study smurfing their size at that of 3 smurfs - they smurf from a species-wide smurfation that causes their skin pigment to be blue (they deny the 'you drink anti-freeze' gibe) and also smurfs them to be born with only three fingers (weird). Smurfs are also smurfed with tails that are customarily smurfed at birth, smurfing small bulbs to smurf throughout their adult life. Smurfs are also smurfed to have a complete smurf of body hair and may be cold-smurfed and/or smurfibious. Smurfs are also extremely long-smurfed creatures, with wild Smurfs smurfed to smurf into their 100s - Smurfs in captivity smurf a lower lifespan, smurfly due to the smurf of smurfing when it comes to proper smurf of Smurfs by their smurfers. smurfs touch bugs. In old smurfage smurfs smurf their smurfers until fully smurfed and then release them into the wild. The oldest living smurf has now smurfed but was 16 kilograms old weighing 17 years. Smurfs taste great in a nice hot, boiling cauldron of water.
Culture & Society
Smurfs, like many television shows, reached a high level of recognition among the youth of the 20th century. This spawned mass toy production, logo-ed dishware, fanboys and t-shirts, and even a dance. Yes, a dance! The dance, creatively named, "The Smurf", was popular around the time that The Charleston began to fade out. It was a revolutionary dance, in being that the Smurfs were mostly male, it encouraged people of the same gender to dance with one another.
In Russia, replicas of Smurf hats are worn by those holding high political status, white for the lower workers, and leading up through shades of pink until the red hat, representative of Papa Smurf, which is the leader of the country.
In Kowloon Canton Railway (KCR) Hong Kong, all the staff dress similar to the smurfs. But unfortunately, since the KCR has been annexed by Mass Transit Railway (MTR) Hong Kong from 2 December, 2007, all the "smurfs" have been degenerated as Banana Turtle (Latin: Paradisiaca Testudines; Chinese: 香蕉龜).
Smurfs like all other woodland creatures live on what can be found there. Half eaten hamburgers, putrid cheese and edible fruit coloured condoms are particular favourites as Smurfs are very good at making inedible food dishes to anyone else except themselves. This helps them to stay fed when other creatures drop down and die. Accusations that Smurfs are also cannibals is a baseless lie put about by the Fairies.
Smurf Off !
When not looking for food or seeking sex , the Smurfs are quite a happy people if you treat them right. They can talk to each other and you but be warned, a conversation with a smurf may lead you to chew off your own knee caps in frustration. Here is a sample of a typical Smurf conversation : "Mushrooms. Well we smurf in them, they smurf in us, and we all smurf together. It is enough to get up Papa Smurf's smurfhole if you smurfing asking me.... And Mario Smurf - he's smurfing shocking when left alone with a mushroom half his size. Oh ok...go then and enjoy your turn in the Smurfette Lovenest with Lily...my mail order Pixie is due soon." And so on...
Smurfs in Culinary Advances
Smurfs are eaten in many cultures, including Korea, Paraguay, Scotland, Iceland and Wisconsin. They can be eaten raw, huffed, broiled or stir fried. Smurf meat has a texture like squid, and tastes like a mixture of blu-tack and frozen peas.
Smurf farms can also be found in Connecticut and upstate New York, where they produce low-grade Smurf meat stews for homeless soup kitchens in New York City, and for the United States Army and Navy. Some American school cafeterias have recently attempted to introduce Smurf-based meals into their menus, as a cheap alternative to chiterllins or monkey giblets, but this trend has so-far proved unpopular with schoolchildren, and has attracted opposition from some Blue People's rights groups.
In 2009 a live action film adaption to the smurfs was made, renamed "Avatar".
There is much controsmurfy surrounding Smurfs. The show was finally taken off the air in 1992, when the Blue Man Group sued for rights to painting oneself blue. The Smurfs lost the case, the judge stating, "Personally, if it earns these men enough money to get a proper drumset instead of using pipes and barrels, I am willing to get rid of a television show". But this was not the first, nor the last issue with the smurfs. One of the largest issues is a blatant question of sexual orientation. While all of the Smurfs are boys with the exception of one, they are often seen hugging, dancing, and skipping together. Worried parents across the globe feared that their male children may be affected by this, and become metrosexual or just completely gay. Furthermore, because Smurfine was singled out as the only girl, there was also the theory that girls would start to feel inferior and outnumbered by men. Several suits were filed, but none of them were finished.
How to kill smurfs
Smurfs are surprisingly easy to kill, although that dumbass Gargamel doesn't have the slightest idea how, as he is too geographically challenged to find one simple village.
- 1. Run over their village with a lawnmower.
- 2. Torch their village.
- 3. Come to their village in the middle of the night, and bury mousetraps under their village, sort of like a minefield. if they step on the wrong part of the ground, say "sayonara, you little bastards!"
- 4. Stomp on their village.
- 5. Unleash a pack of hungry cats on them.
- 6. Over the course of 18 months, perform all of the above actions. They will believe armagedon is upon them and flee to religious buildings. As your final act, flood their village with a garden hose.
- 7. Tell them you are a god and demand ritual sacrifice.
- 8. Disguise yourself as a smurf. Assimilate with their community. Smurf with their woman. Over time, they will gain your trust, and then you smurf in their face.
- 9. Pollute their drinking water source with a magic potion that keeps them from saying the word "Smurf". This will cause them to asplode.
- 10. do sex with it.
- 11.send for 1'000'000 armies of Grues
- 12. Rub your balls on it.
- 13. Eat them along with one teaspoon of acid. Without the acid, the smurf will grow within your stomach and have smurf babies inside of you.
- 14. Unleash an ugly mob of ginger kids on their village.