The Socratic Four

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Socrates and Plato had a band you know...

Socrates, complexion all the worse for a cocaine binge on tour.

The Socratic Four were a melodic death metal band formed in ancient Greece. They consisted of Socrates on Vocals, Plato on bass, Aristotle on drums and Euclid on lead guitar. They were known for their bong-rattling bass lines, powerful blast-beats, and outrageous on-stage antics. They had some success, especially their number one hit singles 'Panty Dropper" and 'Why not have sex with young men?' Leonardo Da Vinci's Mona Lisa is also rumoured to be a tribute to the bands style of aural assault.

Athen's Tour[edit]

The 'Socratic Four' had their first major tour around Athen's, rocking out in all the local forums. All was going well until local law authorities pulled Socrates, or 'Socky' as he was known by fans, off the stage shouting something about 'corrupting the youth of Athens'. At this the 'youth of Athens had a minor riot, resulting in permanent damage to Euclids custom made black spandex toga, among other things. After that one hitch, the tour carried on as normal, selling out every night but one, (the night they played in Parliament). Aristotle said it was a 'virtuous success' and was generally very positive about the whole thing. Plato, however, was very unresponsive to the crowd, feeling they were still 'chained in the cave'.

Final gig: Olympus[edit]

Still on bail for his crimes against Athens, Socrates was sneaked out by the rest of the band to play a gig for Zeus himself on Mount Olympus. This was to be the highlight, but unfortunately the end of their career. Tensions had already been rising between Plato and Aristotle, and they decided this would be a fitting end to the band. The gig itself was a huge success, with the exception of Bacchus getting wasted and throwing up in Euclids hat. (Yet another piece of his clothing spoiled at a concert). The group would later break up over philosophic differences.


'Why?', quoted as a 'masterpiece' by The Guardian's Culture section, was the bands only real mass commercial success. It included the bands signature philosophical lyrics, chanted over screaming guitars and heart stopping drums. Although Top of The Pops asked them to appear on their show, Plato flat out refused, saying "TV isn't real enough".