The Theory of Children Older than their Parents

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“This is a clearly disturbing theory. I like it!”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Theory of Children Older than their Parents

“It works with dragons. Quite often, too.”

~ Christopher Paolini on The Theory of Children Older than their Parents
Actual Isaac Newton Patent Diagram

The Theory of Children Older than their Parents was one of the great Isaac Newton's first theories. While not having anything to do with Physics but Biology, it is still regarded as one of the most prominent of all theories ever, to this very day...

History of the Theory[edit]

While surfing on Wikipedia, developing the theory of Big Beards, Isaac Newton suddenly had a vision (which he had to later decode into analogue, since his vision was in digital, and obviously the human brain cannot read digital...). This vision was that there could be children who were older than their biological mother. While technically this theory doesn't allow the child to be biologically older than their mother, it does mean that their recorded birth date is before that of their parents.

Chance of Occurring[edit]

The theory relies on the mother being a freak of nature and several other rare factors occurring. Because of this, the actual chance of this occurring, if the maximum amount of human intervention was executed, would be:

The Theory[edit]

The theory starts with two humans (although any animal would do) mating to produce a child. For this to work, the child has to be female (or a male capable of reproducing). The theory also relies upon the child being able to reproduce immediately, meaning that the child is created in a state after puberty. Before the child is born, the parents of the child are required to mate again (though, to avoid incest, you may wish to manually inject sperm from an unrelated donor). This is so that sperm created by the male parent (or donor) can enter the place where the child is, and fertilise the child's egg, making the unborn child pregnant. At this point, the original mother would be pregnant to a pregnant baby. For the theory to successfully execute, the first child must give birth before she has actually be born herself. After the 'internal' birth, the child who is still inside her grandmother must be given birth to by the grandmother before her mother is given birth to by her mother.

What this Theory Proves[edit]


See Also[edit]