The Three Stooges

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Stop hand.png You think this is funny, numbskull?
Moe Howard.jpg
Whoever wrote this lame-brained piece of
garbage oughtta get a toupee with some brains in it!
Now, get to work and rewrite it before I rip out
your tonsils and tie it around your neck for a bowtie!
No, not Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin.

“The chubby fellow reminds me of my old plumber, minus the ghastly crack of course.”
~ Oscar Wilde on the three stooges

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Three Stooges.

The Three Stooges were a tacky American vaudeville and comedy act of the early to mid–20th century best known for their numerous short subject films. Their hallmark was physical farce and extreme slapstick.


A rare picture of the drunk, Curly, with a mustache.

Though there were actually six in all, the original Three Stooges consisted of Larry Fine, Curly Howard, and Moe Howard... and Shemp Howard, I guess... but he doesn't really matter that much. The original Three Stooges came to rule Germany for 3 years, until they created the film "You Nazi Spy" and were chased away. Sadly, Curly couldn't run fast enough, and suffered a stroke. The two remaining stooges, Larry and Moe, then got that Shemp guy to be the new Curly. He was funny and everything, but he looked like an old lady, so they had to let him go later on. He then died of a stroke 7 years later. Larry Fine and Moe Howard were in a tough place now. Moe had somehow had a black bowl surgically attached to his head. Curly just used 300 grit sandpaper to keep his head hairless, but Larry had to stick his finger in an electrical socket every day to get his hair to frizz properly.

Then Curly died, because God said "Curly, there simply aren't enough funny guys up here, Buster Keaton is just too sad looking, and I don't really like him..." Curly listened to God, and died at the age of 154. Moe then had the bright idea to make some fat guy he once met named Joe Besser a new Stooge, but no one liked him, and Curly Joe DeRita ate him and demanded that he become the new Stooge. They let Joe become the new guy, but at this point, Moe was a dinosaur (literally), and Larry was unhappy that Moe had changed species. He quit the whole thing, in much the same manner that Paul quit the Beatles, and "The Three Stooges" died. They did appear on an episode of MTV Celebrity deathmatch, in which Curly was brought back from the dead, but Moe got killed, and Larry was turned into a sperm because of a time machine, and still must be living. Their best work was done at New York University in the early TV days of kinescopes, before videotape. It can be viewed at, but nobody cares really.


Moe smiles for the camera.

Moe Howard[edit]

Moe was a really angry person, obsessed with the poetry of some lady in Kent or something. After an unfortunate electrocution incident involving a small boy on a tricycle, a kite, and Mr. Howard's daily archery practice, he disdained his former appearance and took up cross-dressing, bonsai, flower-arranging, and Gregorian-chanting. He was once mistaken for Patrick Troughton. He was also once booted out of a convention center for getting into a water pistol fight with a peewit. His unfortunate hairdo was the result of a kamikaze seagull; as you can tell, Mr. Howard was inclined to accidents from on high and clearly some sort of mortal enemy of all birds. A crow burnt down his former residence. He has at times proclaimed himself a lumberjack, and that's ok. Moe currently resides at the Field Museum in Chicago with his wife, Sue, a tyrannosaurus.

Larry Fine[edit]

Larry Fine, the talented violin player, realising that he has once again decapitated a person

Larry was obviously the best of the Stooges. He, like, had the coolest hair, and is everyone's favorite. He won the award for best person ever in the world ever. His whereabouts as of now are unknown, but we are pretty sure that he is dead... but he was old, so it was ok. Yeah, I'm stoned. So what? Larry still rocks!

Curly Howard[edit]

Everyone loves Curly. Name someone who doesn't; if you do, you may have found the dragon we were looking for-congratulations! He was nearly elected the President of the High Time Lord Council in 1928, 1932, 1936, and 1940 (without running at all), greatly favored due to his premier of patter-song performed in Delphon, but lost each election by a margin of three votes when Romeo attacked the camerlengo every time, stabbing him in the sternum 57 times. He also got in trouble with the law because he had thousands upon thousands of driver's licenses made. Despite this, he was in fact unable to drive any vehicle and instead employed the Scarecrow to chauffeur him around. He was put to death when a tragic accident with a hookah, six knives, and a sentient caterpillar alerted the authorities to his pressing lack of a mustache. He was succeeded in the role by Brigadier Winifred Bambarra.

Shemp Howard[edit]

Shemp was the second best stooge next to Ian Chesterton. SHEMP WAS INDUBITABLE. Period. If you were voted the Tallest Man in Hollywood, wouldn't you be?


Eventually Shemp was jailed for trafficking hemp (in the form of tee-shirts) which indirectly led to his landing a role as the star in the remake of the Britcom/tragicomedy show Monk. His career was sidetracked when he crashed in the small ambiguously Canadian community of Chilly Beach and was promptly roped into acting as a hockey referee and poutine cook-off judge. Sidelined by a puck in the head, he took a role as the Nurse in the Grand Falls Players production of Romeo and Juliet and made a name for himself as a comedienne. He took up wearing sweater vests and was last seen headed to a small island off the coast of Great Britain, muttering about women and drink.

Has Shemp gone mad?

Curly Joe DeRita[edit]

The first (and only) non-Jewish stooge,[Ridiculous] he was recruited from an airline by Tegan Jovanka, the last Trakenite to read the Cyrillic alphabet. Notable for his catchphrase, "Five score pachyderm!"

Joe Besser[edit]

How do I begin to describe Mr. Besser? He never liked to be hit. And, quite frequently, his weapon of choice was a large mathematics textbook. (Which was a bit ridiculous, because while it could do plenty of harm, it was heavy (why it hurt so much) and awkward to grip). For his surpassed skill in baking cookies, he was offered jobs simultaneously by Aunt Joan, the Master, and Mrs. Hudson. He turned down the promising position with a Time Lord and the prospects of association with a consulting detective for the opportunity to fly free on the airdot and festoon himself with rubbish toilet-tissue costumes and stuff himself with ham and sandwiches whenever the opportunities arose. Indefatigably, it isn't entirely surprising he died in 1985 by tripping over a minuscule and diabolical lamppost planted by the Cybermen. His memorial service was attended by a stack of thimbleberry pancakes and a bunch of small owls carrying around soda cans and wearing tweed, like in the movie Hoot.


“There are three of 'em”

~ Captain Obvious on The Three Stooges

“As long as "stooge Viller" wasn't one of them, I am OK.”

~ Dick Tracy on the three stooges

“I hired them to work on my Eva once. Never again!”

~ Asuka Langley Sorya on the Three Stooges as handymen

“I was part of the Three Stooges once. In fact, I was the leader of the Stooges at one time.”

~ Iggy Pop on the Three Stooges