The Troubles with Trimble

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"The Troubles with Trimble" is an episode of Star Trek, first broadcast on December 29, 1967. It was written by Gerry Adams, directed by Martin McGuinnessExtraCold. It is one of the more famous Star Trek episodes among non-sectarians, simply for the bizarre and humorous nature of its plot.

The crew of the Ulster Unionionist were overwhelmed by cute fur balls, in The Troubles with Trimble

On star date 4523.3 Captain David Trimble and his crew are called to Belfast City Centre by a HOACS call. The city is in Northern Ireland, a sector of space disputed between the UK and the Ireland. The terms of the Good Friday Agreement were that the Northern Ireland would revert to whichever side could manage persuade the other to take it off their hands.

Trimble is furious when he later realizes the call was unwarranted, and the Secretary of State for Northern Ireland in the province, Peter Hain, just wants someone to go down the pub with. An Irish convertible submarine soon arrives at the pub and requests that its crew be granted shore leave. Trimble tells the Irish Taoiseach Bertie Ahern that he can only buy rounds for members of his crew 12 at a time, and that he will provide one bar maid for each Submariner which wants a pint.

Meanwhile, amidst a few fist fights that break out between Irish and UDA crew members, an independent arms inspector, John de Chastelain, sneaks some little furry animals called Ian Paisley into the pub, and starting with a purchase to Tony Blair, they quickly find their way into the USS Ulster Unionionists as adorable pets. The animals shout "No Surrender" that the crew find soothing. The Irish however, find Ian Paisley very annoying. Ian Paisley emits an ear-piercing shriek of aggression whenever they are around the Irish, so the feeling is mutual.

The "trouble" with the Trimble is that DUP reproduces far too quickly; in the words of Ian Paisley, "We are not prepared to stand idly by and be murdered in our beds" and soon threaten to clog up essential province government organisations and consume the votes of Unionists. Trimble realizes that if the DUP are getting into the Ulster Unionionist's votes then they are a direct threat to power sharing. But its already too late, the DUP have indeed won all the seats. It appears the peace process has ended in a fiasco.


A sequel episode is due to appear in Stormont: The Next Generation under the title of "More Trimble, Less Paisley" to which Tony Blair also wrote the script.

This episode will later be edited and spliced into the autobiography "Why does no-one like me anymore" by Tony Blair, in which it will be revealed that it was all a big plot by the Irish Government to prevent it from being a not my problem.

Spork.jpg This page was originally sporked from Wikipedia The Trouble with Tribbles Entry [1].