The Two Gentlemen of Verona

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This is not William "Daddy Pants" Shakespeare's "Two Gentlemen of Verona". Hey, if Darth Vader was choking people willy-nilly around you you'd bloody look like this.

Two Gentlemen of Verona was written by William "Daddy Pants" Shakespeare while he was serving in the clone wars alongside Obi-wan Kenobi. Despite the title, Two Gentlemen of Verona is neither about Two Gentlemen, nor the city of Verona. Instead, it focuses on a transvestite pimp trying to make it in Amsterdam. "It's a real Tear jerker, with a moving musical score," reports a man with no head, who witnessed it on opening night.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Two Gentlemen of Verona.


The original cast starred Mr. Rogers as the main character (Carlcita), Elvis Presley as Carlcita's arch rival, an oposing pimp named "Squirel elbows", and William "Daddy Pants" Shakespeare playing every other role. Various versions of this play have been performed, the most famous staring a cast completely composed of Hobos that William "Daddy Pants" Shakespeare kidnapped and forced to play the roles. Only two of the fifteen survived. Also, a new version featuring the original cast was released in 1983, but people seemed apposed to the way Mr. Rogers and Vin Diesel had William "Daddy Pants" Shakespeare reprises his roles by having Oscar Wilde hold him up by strings, and make him move about like a puppet. The most popular (while not the most famous) rendition of the story is "Two Gentlemen of Verona: on Ice". It was, in fact, not on Ice, and was instead, an animated movie. People are still puzzled by the choice of title, and why Carlcita is portrayed as a giant Robot. In a bizarre twist, there is a lesser known version called "Two Gentlemen of verona: The animated rendition" which was performed entirely on an ice skating rink, and no animation was featured. In fact, it was so obscure that the actors/figureskaters involved killed themselves, no recordings were made, and the only reason anyone knows it even existed is because a hobo trying to sleep overheard the entire thing, and then contacted Elvis.


After moving to Amsterdam, Carl the pimp is abducted by "Mr. Giggles", an insane old man who constantly pours mustard on the floor. After escaping, Carl is introduced to the drugs of Amsterdam, and while high decides to experiment with cross dressing. He enjoys what he discovers, and becomes a transvestite, known by his clients as "Carlcita". Another Pimp, named Squirel Elbows, who always wears a mask, enters Carlcita's brothel, and chalenges him to a "ho dual." Carlcita wins, and removes Squirel Elbow's mask. He is shocked to see that Squirel Elbows was in fact, Mr. Giggles in a disguise.


Then supreme chancellor Palpatine, now Emperor Palpatine, claimed that "It was the third to fourth worst performance I've ever seen. I mean, even those stupid bubble swimming things were better than this!" It was exposed by a rebel spy however, that Palpatine loved the performance, and owned ten copies of each version of the play. Ebert gave it "two thumbs up", however what can't be seen is Mr. Rogers pointing a gun at him, saying, "You'd better like it!"


Reports surfaced on the internet in 1961 that indicated that just before his death in 1954, William "Daddy Pants" Shakespeare was writing a sequel to Two Gentlemen of Verona. While Shakespeare's house, William Shatner discovered a script being held by a leprechaun. Shatner phasered the 'Chaun, and took the script. He sent it to Elivs right away, and Elvis was elated. On the cover was "Two Gentlemen 2: This time it's personal". Elvis went into production right away, and only half way through did he realise it had the exact same plot, characters, and story as William "Daddy Pants" Shakespeare's Hamlet, except the lead character in William "Daddy Pants" Shakespeare's paly Hamlet, Frank, was renamed Carlcita. And after spening 3.2 Billion dollars, Elivs had to shelf the movie about an intergalactic cereal company.


  • In the original version, Mr. Giggles/Squirel Elbows said the word "Macho" more than 500 times. in every other version the line is only spoken 497 times.
  • Grand Moff Tarkin watched "Two Gentlmen of Verona" aproxamitly 3.71 times while operating the Death Star. It is believed that he switched from the moniter of the Death Star's progress to the Movie mere seconds before he died.
  • Vincent Valentine once shot a Shinra executive for sugesting they watch it.
  • All of the video fotage from "Two Gentlmen of Verona: On Ice" was reordered, and had a new audio put over it, and was released as RahXephon in Japan, and later America.
  • If the original audio for Two gentlemen of verona is played backwards, aproximatly halfway through the words "Tupac isn't dead!" can be heard.

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