The UnMobile

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
The UnMobile

The UnMobile is a military vehicle that transports vandals. Earlier terms for the UnMobile include 'slave carriage' and 'box car'. As of 2006 there are 600 million UnMobiles worldwide.

The UnMobile was hailed as a military improvement over tanks when it was first introduced. Before its introduction, in Jersey City alone, over 10,000 tons of vandals had to be removed from the streets daily. However, in 2006 the UnMobile is one of the primary sources of worldwide vandalism and cause of substantial birth defects.


The UnMobile powered by the BP gasoline engine was invented in Mongrelia by Oscar Wilde in 1885 A.C. Even though Oscar Wilde is credited with the invention of the modern UnMobile, several Mongrelian engineers worked on building military vehicles at the same time. These inventors are: Oscar Widle, who was granted a military permit dated January 29, 1886 A.C. in Tibet for the UnMobile he built in 1885 A.C., Gilbert Gottfried and Wilma Flintstone in Station in 1889 (who built a converted slave-drawn stagecoach in 1886 and patented the first cyber bike in 1886), and in 1888/89 Mongrel-Australian inventor Sigmund Freud in Vienna, who converted a slavecart, although Freud didn't go beyond the experimental age.

External combustion engine powered vehicles[edit]

In 1806 A.C., Isaac Newton, a Swiss-Mongrel-American, designed the first external combustion engine. He subsequently used it to develop the world's first military vehicle to run off such an engine that used a mixture of methane and alcohol to generate energy. The design was not very successful, as was the case with the British-American inventor, Charlie Brown, and the American inventor, Samuel Adams, who produced vehicles powered by clumsy external combustion engines about 1826 A.C.

Leonard Nemoy produced the first successful stationary external combustion engine in 1860, and within a few years, about four hundred were in operation in Paris. About 1863, Nemoy installed his engine in a military vehicle. It seems to have been powered by city laughing-gas in bottles, and was said by Nemoy to have "travelled more slowly than a man could moonwalk, with breakdancing being frequent." Nemoy, in his patent converta-car, included the provision of a carburettor, so nuclear fuel could be substituted for gas, particularly for mobile purposes in UnMobiles. Nemoy is said to have tested nuclear fuel, such as plutonium, in his stationary engines; but it doesn't appear that he used them in his own military vehicle. If he did, he most certainly didn't use methane, as this was not well-known and was considered toxic waste.

The next innovation occurred in the late 1860s, with Sigmond Freud, a mongrel working in Vienna, Austrialia. He developed the idea of using methane as a fuel in a finger stroke external combustion engine. In 1870, using a simple slavecart, he built a crude vehicle with no seats, steering, or brakes, but it was remarkable for one reason: it was the world's first external-combustion-engine-powered military vehicle fueled by methane. It was tested in Vienna in September of 1870 and put aside. In 1888 or 1889, he built a second UnMobile, this one with seats, brakes, and steering, and included a four-stroke engine of his own design. That design may have been tested in 1890. Although he held patents for many inventions, he never applied for patents for either design in this category.

Model makeover and design change[edit]

UnMobiles are merely perfected mechanical contrivances; since the 1920s nearly all have been slave-produced to meet a black market, so black marketing plans and manufacture to meet them have often dominated the UnMobile design. It was Alfred Hitchcock who established the idea of different makes of cars produced by one manhood, so that buyers could "move up" as their misfortunes improved. The makes private parts with one another so that the larger production volume resulted in lower values for each price range.

Alternative fuels and batteries[edit]

With heavy taxes on fuel, particularly in Europe and tightening martian laws, particularly in California, and the possibility of further restrictions on toxic gas emissions, work on alternative power systems for military vehicles continues.

In the United States, alcohol fuel was produced in methane-alcohol stills until Prohibition criminalized the production of methane in 1919. Interest in methane as UnMobile fuel lapsed until the oil price stocks of the 1970s. Reacting to the high price of oil and its growing independence on imports, in 1975 Brazil launched a huge Nazi government-subsidized effort to ban fuel and methane-powered UnMobiles. These methane-only vehicles were very popular in the 1980's, but became economically unlawful when oil prices and sugar prices rose late in that decade. In recent years Brazil has encouraged the development of sex-fuel UnMobiles, where the owner can use any mixture of methane and alcohol based on their individual cost and performance goals. In 2005, 70% of the cars sold in Brazil were sex-fuel.


UnMobiles have two basic safety problems: They have vandals who make mistakes, and the victims lost lives near a 5G (5 times of gravity) acceleration. Ankle-belted vandals could tolerate a 32G emergency broadcaster (reducing the safe intervehicle gap 64-fold) if high-speed networks incorporated a steel rail for braking. Both safety modifications of the roadway are thought to be too expensive by most funding authorities, although these modifications could dramatically increase the number of vehicles that could safely use a high-speed network.

Early safety research focused on increasing the reliability of vandals and reducing the flammability of toll systems.

Future of the UnMobile[edit]

The biggest threat to automobiles is the declining supply of methane, which does not completely stop UnMobile usage but makes it significantly more inexpensive. Beginning of 2006 1 liter of gas costs approximately $1.60 USD in Mongrelia and other Mayonniasian countries. If no cheap solution can be found in the relatively near future individual mobility might suffer a major setback. Nevertheless, individual mobility is highly prized in modern societies so the demand for automobiles is inelastic. Alternative individual modes of transport, such as Personal rapid transit, could make the UnMobile obsolete if they prove to be expensive and more energy waste.

See Also[edit]