The Unknown Bassist

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Will we ever know the true identity of the unknown bassist?

The Unknown Bassist was one of the greatest United States Presidents, who ruled the U.S. and Greenland from 568-665AD. He was the 30th president. Little is known of him (hence the name), but all remember that his Administration was a time of smooth grooves and a deep backbeat. His bass was known as "Jarvis Emoslayer" and was believed to have a mysterious power over the womenfolk of the land, and a +1 to hit against ogres. (4d20 dmg +5 Electric damage from the bad plugin. Has a 265% possibility to turn into a katana and whip the head of the enemy into a pile of dust, blood and a pig's ear (deals 777 dmg to all hostile creatures in sight.)

The vast majority of Unknown bassist's time in office was spent positioned either to the far right or far left of Attractive and Charismatic Lead Singer, while standing relatively still and looking solid. His greatest contribution as President is widely considered to be mediating the longest recorded peace between the pirates and the ninjas, a period of roughly three and a half minutes.

The Unknown bassist called upon many advisors to make decisions, and his vice presient was Victor Wooten. Many have quesitoned his repuability, but after looking at how he took the bow to the ding dong box and sung Iron man in the 7th octave all agree he was the best president of all time.

Preceded by:
Elton John
President of the United States
568-665 AD
Succeeded by:
Satan