The Walt Di$ney Company
Walt Disney (10 B.C. - Current), a self-proclaimed furry and pedophile, merged all of his hobbies together to create an industry that has entertained/trained non-Jewish children since the beginning of time. He was thought to have died in 1966, but it turned out that he had decided for financial reasons to amputate his head and have it hooked up to a life-support system (in order to save money). It is highly theorized that he is one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, along with Elvis Presley. He is actually the clone of Errol Flynn. He is secretly affiliated with a pimping group and a robot singer named John. The most popular representation (basically the Hitler of the company) is Mickey Mouse: an intelligent loving disease-carrying vermin that Walt Disney thought of after a night of S&M clubs, acid, and a Friends marathon. Mickey Mouse has constantly been redesigned to reinvent himself many times over the years, adopting pseudonyms that play on his initials of "M.M." These personas include: Marilyn Manson, Eminem, and a brief cross-dressing stint as Minnie Mouse.
The Good Times
Before the computer-animated, over-hyped, and fart joke-filled entertainment currently produced by Disney after its unholy sexual union with Pixar and Eisner, there was a time where Disney films were actually good. Clearly this is before they changed the name from Disney to Di$ney.
A Bug's Life
A bunch of bugs get stepped on by little children. And that's pretty much it, aside from the bug jokes by Isabella Rosalini, who wrote, directed, produced, and stared in this movie. It's was supposed to be the kid-friendly successor of the obscene Anime series the Spider Riders.
A film created during Disney's "Let's try Islam" phase. The film was originally supposed to chronicle the life of the Prophet Mohammed, but studios decided to change the character's name after Walt Disney was beheaded by Muslim extremists. (Fun Fact: His head was later frozen.) The story features two typical Islamists, a youthful adventurer named Aladdin and his arranged-wife, Princess Jasmine, who live in Aggrabah, a city ruled by the King of Aggrabah, the Sultan. Aladdin is a story about a dude named Aladdin who was coerced by Jafar, the bad guy, and clearly a stereotype of Jebus, into undertaking a quest for the Holy Grail. However, he rubbed Princess Jasmine's butt and a cloud of smoke appeared revealing a magical lamp which contains the trapped essence, in the guise of a coked-up genie. After rubbing her butt, Aladdin realized the "illegible words that were hard to make out" were really just an Abercrombie and Fitch lable of where Jasmine bought her blue jogging pants from. The genie grants Aladdin various benefits, but sadly cannot give Jasmine to Aladdin, as he can't create virgins in this world (although he promises Aladdin seven virgins in death, after committing suicide). Instead, he gives Aladdin his own marshmallow outfit to match the Sultan's. Spoiler Warning! At the end, Aladdin teams up with his Genie/Allah to defeat the evil Jebus and banish him to un-Jesusland forever. Also, the voice acting for the Genie is supplied by Robin Williams, a cokehead and therefore the leader of Al Qaeda, and supports the Public Enemy #1 in the United States.
This is the first Disney movie with the jazz. The cat,ex-cat-whore-thing, Duchess, who lived in France, has 9999 kittens. Then they meet an alley cat named O'Malley, who invited her to his house of alley cats. The catnapper, Edgar McLovin, kidnaps the cats, so then the cats broke his legs off and eat him alive.
What would you call an act like this?
This is a perfect example of how wild animals and the environment get in the way of progress and development. In the movie Bambi and her mother are hunted and persecuted for their beliefs about such things as mentioned above. Therefore it is decided that the forest must be burned down to rid the world of these pesky intruders of Manafest Destiny. They deserved to die the cruel deaths that they did due to the fact that they could not bow to the will of man.
Beauty and the Beast
A film about beastiality. A young woman who dosen't quite fit in (re: goth, or 'emo') goes in search of her father, and on the way finds her love in a big hairy beast. In this film is a perverted candle stick (shut up, Freud) and two fat mother figures portrayed as a wardrobe and a teapot. Records indicate that this film was important to Walt Disney as he was known in his later years for having a taste for the big and hairy man, and independently-mobile candle sticks.
Give me a freaking break, Walt Disney made his last film ever made to be "epic" and seriously, it's entitled "Carnival Rats," which is another thing somebody stupid while being drunk. Apparently this story centers around some bitch named "Little Scarley, " who has AIDS and vomits on everyone, everywhere, at anytime whatsoever. Only wanting to have sex with the dead members of the Rat Pack, she refused to have sex with anyone with an IQ under 10. Scarley and her disciples of the undead construct a carnival which constantly explodes and falls every time, over and over again, for no apparent reason whatsoever. King Possum IV (this is an incredibly retarded name for a villain) decides that he wants to emo-rape all rat carnivals at once, while crying. Also, Gene Kelly, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, Bob Hope and Hayley Smith assemble in the star sequence finale, after which they explode and get molested/or huffed by whoeverthefuck it is... King Possum IV. Then, bombs destroy them all because this all takes PLACE IN LONDON, HELLO (presumably during WWII). This movie was not re-released until 2018 with new scenes starring Samuel L. Jackson and voice-over criticisms of George W. Bush. This is the end of the movie.
It's based on I. B. Blight's book. A litter of pigs are born to the Aratable farm. One is huge so John Aratable decides to "save" it. So his dauther Fern rescues him and tells dad killing it is stupid just because it's bigger than the others. She gets to raise him and names him "Wilbur". However, after only six months of raising him, John Arable tells Fern that it's time for him to be sold (his sibling were already sold). Fern sadly says good-bye as the young pig is sold down the street to her uncle, Homer Zuckerman. When Wilbur wants marry a lamb, the ram says that sheep don't marry pigs because it's only a matter of time before they are raped. Wilbur starts crying saying that he doesn't want to die, but a voice from above tells him to "chin down". The next day she sings a song about "chinning down", and revels herself to be a spider named Charlotte. She saves Wilbur by writing messages in her web, hence the title including an epic battle with an angry dragon. Meanwhile, we have a goose who can't spell to save her life. Here's a clip of the movie:
Famous whore/bitch Walt Disney made an animated film adaption of Cinderella in 2015. Taking place in medievil times, it tells the epic story of a girl named Cinderella who lives with a bunch of stupid, homo and midget family members, including two older sisters that get more attention than she does. She flirts with birds and mice whom are her only friends. she is mentally incapable of any serious thought. Cinderella was created with the goal of providing young girls with an acceptable role model, bastard midgets and all. Not having a dad is the key; Cinderella is an excellent movie for white-trash girls who eventually become drunken sluts to get all the attention they can gather. From any guy. Ever.
Cinderella was rated R for stong sexuality, lots of child abuse (the evil step mom locking Cindy in the closet), lots of crude-humor (see the triva section in the article), and lots of horror in general. Many changes were made to this version, including ridiculously making the characters humans instead of elephants.
This righteous film demonstrates Walt Disney's fervent belief that elephants with big ears that can fly are racially inferior to pure-blooded elephants. Mocked and rejected by his peers because of his abnormally large ears, Dumbo quickly falls into a downward spiral, becoming a jaded alcoholic and incessant gambler, until one night his cohorts slip some LSD and peach schnapps into his trough and he wakes up tied to a lamp post, naked. Also, the human handlers kill his mom because she is a crazy bitch.
“The funniest Disney character since Sunflower the Black Centaur!”
The Emperor of the Sun
A Steven Spielberg film with the Disney label. How odd! Roundly dismissed as one of Steven Spielberg's least successful efforts, the story recounts the perilous and remarkable events befalling a small boy whose privileged and sheltered lifestyle is shattered when the armed forces of Imperial Japan - the Empire Of The Sun - invade Shanghai on December 8th, 1941, following their bombing of Pearl Harbour. It is also a remarkable testament to, yes, the human spirit. And despite its disappointing box-office returns, Empire of the Sun helped to further establish Spielberg as more than a commercial director and set the standard, tone and look for future efforts Schindler's List and Saving Private Ryan.
The Fox and the Hound
An epic tale about a fox kit named Todd and a bloodhound puppy named Copper. They become best friends, while their owners are neo-conservative fundamentalist Christians. Copper thinks Todd killed his dad Chief so he swears revenge. Then they go through a series of misfortunate events which ultimately prove that they shouldn't have broken their friendship in the first place. After Slade continulosly threatens Jihad bombings on her house because he wants to kill Todd so badly, the woman then 'gives' Tod away to the forest (after amputating all of his legs, before setting him floppingly-'loose'). Now Todd has lost his parents twice, making him a double orphan. He turns Emo, even getting his butt kicked by a senior-citizen badger. Tod gets shot by a hunter while nailing Bambi's mom; after dying, Tod telepathically forces the hunter to shoot her in the head as well, because she is a bitch (thusly creating an awesome cross-movie paradox, two awesome movies in one!)
This movie will make 300 look like crap. It's about a myth of the Greek hero Hercules and his faun-like friend named Phil who explore around ancient Greece. Phil teaches Hercules the ways of the hero so Hercules can actually connect with his father (Zeus) who is the Greek god (seriously). Then they meet a bitch named Megara (played by Meg Griffin). Later, Hercules saves the Greek gods from Hades (god of chastity).
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
A horrible mishmash of "French" clichés. The main character, Quasimodo, is the developmentally-stunted bell ringer of a French cathedral, but wants to play football for the University of Notre Dame despite not having any talent (this was the inspiration for the 1993 movie "Rudy"); this disgraces not only the Catholic church, but the innocent protagonist, Claude Frollo, who, like everybody, attempts to seize a woman under his control. The whore, Esmeralda, decides to run-off and disobey her new "owner." Because of this, Frollo decides to stab Quasimodo and rape Esmeralda, like anybody would. This movie is an example of one with a happy ending: the Caucasian male nobility seizes the peasantry classes below him, and takes whatever women he wants. Probably one of the best ones to date. For much of the film, he is seen exerting his lustful desire for Esmerelda, a Gypsy girl- he has a fetish for dark skinned gypsies but has been forced to supress his feelings due to his social status and beliefs. He begins to have hallucinations as the story progresses, the viagra has awkward side effects.
The Jungle Book
This was the last movie Walt Disney actually produced. He died after it was released. Anyway, it's based on a series of serious stories by Rudyard Kypling. In the movie, a bisexual orphan man cub named Mowgli, from India, lives with wolves. Then a black panther operative named Bagheera makes Mowgli go to sleep on a tree-limb, where a rock python named Kaa bites him. The next morning, a bear named Baloo gets his butt kicked by Mowgli because he needs a new sugar-daddy. Later, a jealous 55 year-old tiger named Shere Khan attacks Mowgli and 'devours' him, because he considers Mowgli a threat. Movie ends.
This movie isn't as epic as The Fox and the Hound or The Lion King, but it sure is fun. It was later ripped-off by Rankin/Bass Chuck Jones in a straight-to-TV movie called "Mowgli's Brothers."
Lilo & Stitch
A surprisingly similar tale. This seems familar...
Story/plotline: A fat little Hawaiian girl named Lilo is forced, from Walt Disney World's Tikki room, into prostitution after her mother takes off to Las Vegas, abandoning her two children (Lilo and her sister, who is a fat hog who can't keep a job anywhere, not even at Waffle House.) Then, an escaped space convict named Stitch, who is actually a certain Teletubby who is purple (read down below, you'll get it) in an alien suit trying to disguise himself as a Muppet, E.T./Stitch, who virally-took-over the best ride in Tomorrowland (Alien Encounter) and made it retarded (and who, according to the original writer, is actually Michael Jackson in an alien suit AND OBVIOUSLY ISN'T, AND ISN'T FUNNY), buys her for 10 cents, because she's Asian.
They fall in love because he buys her food. They live happily every after until, sadly, two minutes after he impregnates her, Stitch dumps her for a 4-year-old boy he met at Wal-Mart. The spurned Lilo sends an army of hippies out to kill Stitch, most of whom she met in Cinderella's basement, which has since been set up as a meeting place for loser kids that like to smoke pot and construct stupid plot-lines for straight-to-DVD movies. Since Disney wants ALL of your money and is going broke, they made 12 sequels, 10 of them only available in adult video stores or pirated via The Pirate Bay. For even extra money, Disney made another series on Disney Channel that ran for 15 minutes on October 2, 2002 and had two viewers who were actually Jewish and alive at the time of viewing, making it Disney Channel's longest-running and most successful show ever since the three-year juggernaut during the mid-nineties, when a, uh, 'budding' pre-teen Britney Spears on the Mickey Mouse Club made you seriously consider fucking underage teenage jailbait girls. Luckily, over time, this problem has repaired itself. According to Nielsen, it also caused Walt's head to violently squirt horrible purple fuild out of one of his tubes.
The Lion King
Cheesy, feel-good tale of murder, complete with teen pregnancy and a farting warthog Pumbaa (now for no reason named 'Rabbit') and his manic/depressive anorexic gerbil-like friend Timon (similarly renamed 'Llama'), who hook up with a pussy-ass lion, Simba, who ends up acting tough and shagging another lion that looks exactly like his mother (who is probably his sister.) Mr. Bean (Zazu) is a toucan and Darth Vader (Mufasa) is the main cat-fucker that dies and talks in the clouds. Everybody wins except for the bad guy Scar and the less-than-charismatic species of Hyena. Advice: turn it off after the stampede to make your kids cry all day. It's a cheap knockoff of Kimba the White Lion. The most important part is captured on this video:
The Little Mermaid
Proof that all fat people are evil; the main character is a little mermaid girl named Ariel (played by Samuel L. Jackson) who never listens to her male superiors and pays for being such a dumb ranga by contracting a vicious case of crabs —Jamaican ones, that speak english and can sing. An evilly-fat goth octopus chick Ursula (played by Rosie O' Donnell) has magic and an online-undergraduate degree from DeVry in biomechanical engineering; Ariel visits her to request legs, so that she can successfully have sex with normal people. As an experiment (re: just to see what happens), Ursula first gives Ariel demonically-inspired tentacles (this fails because the tentacles immediately begin ravishing Ariel, as seen in the Japanese unrated version), and later, legs. Ariel's new biomechanically-designed legs (in true Darth Vader fashion) are screwed on with a pneumatic drill while some fisherman Ariel met in a chatroom, "Eric," eyes her up and down lustily as she dramatically-yells "noooooooooooo" for no reason (being, at the time, completely tranqued out on OxyContin and cheap Gin.) Ariel v.2, with legs, is now eligible to join the land people; she is forcefully introduced by her new computer boyfriend into his sexist society, where she pumps out kids, is barefoot in the kitchen, and at one point actually uses the corpse of one of her former friends (a singing Jamaican sea-sponge) to scrub skid-marks from one of her new master's tighty-whities. While crying, and drinking heavily.This experience ultimately teaches her that she should have shut her trap and stayed underwater, where everything is way more fun. Once totally entrenched on land, she becomes commonly referred by her bitchy neighbors to as the "little mer-slut." She secretly likes it.
A bitch comes to babysit spoilt white kids. She gives the kids some drugs, and makes them think she can do magic tricks. Then she lets them run wild on the rooftops of London while they are drugged-out, while a couple of chimney sweeps frantically try to keep them from falling off those rooftops. This is the end of the movie...barley.
Oliver & Company
A ghetto dog film with Oliver Twist in the city of the 1980s. Exciting, eh? Yup! A cat named Oliver is lost and has no home, he goes meet some dogs out of nowhere and meets the dog who is portrayed by Billy Joel! Then Oliver falls into a car and gets adopted by a girl by the name of Jenny. Then the evil loan shark Yikes comes and plans to send everybody to their doom! Will Oliver & Company save the day? Watch the movie retard!
One Hundred and One Dalmatians
This movie is about a proud dalmatian named Pongo, who lives with his "pet" Rodger. (Yes, the dog is the owner in this story). When Pongo meat his true love: Perdita, they got maried fast. They give birth to Lucky, Patch, Rolly, Penny, Freckles, Pepper, Jewel, Dipstick, Fidget, Two-tone, and Whizzer. The puppies went to the doctor and got kidnapped by the evil dwellers to Baduns, Jasper & Horace. The parents come and fight like all the firery pits of hell with the baduns, Cruella DeVille chases them in a moter cycle but is defeated, and the puppies return home.
This is actually quite a recent Disney movie. It chronicles the early years of a character known as Peter Pan who sneaks into people's houses while their parents are away and entices their young children to come to his house (or Neverland as he occasionally calls it) claiming to be in search of his shadow. Normally, within the first ten minutes of the production, he can convince children to jump to their deaths from their second-story windows. Most of these productions end in lawsuits. In the original adventure, Peter strikes gold by finding a British home with three children, to whom he introduces his Tinkerbell, Captain Hook, and Indian Brave. Though successful in most countries, these movies/plays were banned from Canada for stereotyping Native Americans. This movie will put all kids to sleep, make them want to ingage in the act of picking their noses, make them think they can fly, are gay, or are vampires. It's mostly about nose-picking, I swear there's a song called "Peter Pan Picks His Nose". It shows his picking his nose like there's no tomarrow. Then he teaches the others how to pick their noses too. And if somebody says they don't want to pick their nose, he hypnotizes them into picking their noses, even saying that it's healthy for you and if you don't do it you'll die.
Pinocchio was created in 1485 by a Dutch philosopher by the name of Jepedo. Jepedo worked for Alamare the King of Euro-Disney Land trying to create a superweapon that would be capable of destroying Dracula and so Pinocchio was born. However as is the case with all prototypes there was a problem with this one, when he told an un-truth his nose would grow to extreme sizes. This was what the King was relying on to win luxemberg back from the Transylvanians, however when Pinocchio was sent out to the battle front all he managed to do was swear that he could never harm a living creature, this resulted in half of europes population being wiped out within 3 consecutive minutes. Pinocchio was sent into exile, he made his way to Tasmania where he was able to get his nose relocated to another part of his body, he didn't need to replace his nose because Tasmanians are used to seeing people without noses or two heads or an extra arm and Pinocchio just fitted right in. He was able to make a living by becoming a gigolo by using his new appendage that also carried the traits of his nose which was no longer his nose but his penis. He had to give up the gigolo life in 1501 after killing many two headed women, before every death it is reported that he was heard screaming "I'm not doing this, I'm not doing this", after several of these incidents Pinocchio became the first anything to be exiled from Tasmania. After two months exile from Dutchland Pinocchio found his way back to Jepedo through the use of a magical amulet that was given to him earlier on in the year, where he told Jepedo that his exile was over and hence killed Jepedo, his creator. Eventually some other stuff happened and he ended up becoming a real boy. He has appeared in an episode of the PBS Kids TV show "Super Why", in which he says "BOO" after breaking one of Gepetto's puppets.
Pirates of the Caribbean
These have got to be one of the best Disney movies ever made, only because it didn't suck as hard as the other movies made about cheap thrill rides in the past ten years (looking at YOU, "Haunted Mansion; was there ever a theatrical release of Haunted Mansion Pt. 2?)" Seriously, though, you can tell that the Disney conglomerate is running out of ideas when they make several movies out of a freaking ride, instead of spending resources developing awesome straight-to-DVD movies like "Cinderella 4: The Pumpkin Mistress." This trilogy centers around Elizabeth Swann, a slut, who attempts to, heh, 'kiss' every man on the known universe; in the final movie she and her occasional fuck-buddies travel to "World's End" (Utah) to make some more money for Disney. Jack Sparrow, an ex-football-star-turned-janitor at the local Pirates Senior High School, searches the ocean to find Principal Barbossa and Ted Turner (because they owe him money). Together, all the guys that want to fuck Elizabeth Swann get pissed-off and try to stop her from fucking every other man on earth; they fail. Eventually, at the ripe age of 97, Elizabeth Swann's gaping muff gets pissed-off from all of the attention and closes shop forever, by doubling-back and consuming her in a squishy display of destruction (re: Pirates of the Caribbean Pt. 9: The Devouring Maw; due in 2014).The movie series Pirates of the Caribbean has been criticized for exposing children to such scenes as a father mercilessly-whipping his son's back into a bloody mess, just because the goddamned lawn didn't get mowed by Thursday like the little bastard promised. It is, however, quite obvious that this movie was not made for normal children, but for stupidly-inhuman 13+ year old gay British kids who happen to really like coloring books and being beaten for no reason whatsoever, as per their culture's standards for the past four hundred years.
“Come to negotiate, eh, have you, ya swarmy gits? Look what I got. I've got a folio of legal crap.I've got a folio of legal crap. I've got a folio of legal crap. And some Mad Dog. AND GUESS WHO’S GONNA GET SUED WITH IT?!”
This is Disney's first hard-lined exposition about how all races of the Earth have, since the beginning of time, tried to subjugate the white man. It's about some white people who go to the New World with the intention of killing everybody (like Disney) to make some more money and fight with a bunch of cannibalistic savages. The hero, Pocahontas, is in China at the time, and therefore cannot help except for her ability to telepathically communicate with Cihnawathadoobadoduelduighdsfegfdjg. Unfortunately, Cihna has been dead for at least 100 years when the film begins. Eventually, the white people bring over some Jews, who build them an atomic bomb, but then defect to the indians' side because the indians offer to help them fight against Palestine. There is a huge fight, and most of the people die. Then Pocahontas returns. Seeing all of the devastation, she loses her mind and sets off the atomic bomb, destroying the entire world. Afterward, she steals all of John Smith's jewelry, his three dogs, his car, a kidney, the title to his house, his dignity, and his cell phone. As a bonus, she gives him American-Indian Herpes. The end. This is a standard documentary used by real Americans to teach their impressionable children about the dangers of [the now-extinct] Native Americans. The movie is widely accepted as an important educational film by nobody, and is shown in preschool classes around the nation to make the little kids shut the fuck up. It accurately portrays things like Native American life in the 1960's, including aspects such as their super powers (talking to trees/drinking heavily/fucking for cash). SPOILER: In the end, it is revealed that Pocahontas is really a money-grubbing bitch.
This is one of the oldest Disney movies. In this movie, the evil woman Medusa kidnaps a little girl named Penny. Then, the albatross Orville, sends two lab rats named Bernard and Bianca to get Penny. It is later revealed that Medusa's plan is to use Penny to get the Tsar's Eye, which contains the Five Year Plans. Medusa loses and is killed, leaving everybody happy.
Sadly no one remembers this film, all they remember is this:
This movie is underrated. It's the tale of an anthropomorphic fox named Robin Hood who went to shoot the Merry Men in Nottingham. Robin's friend, a fat bear named Little John, kicks the Merry Men's butt seven times. An evil lion, Prince John, along with his snake, is taking over Nottingham for the coins. Robin then got shot by the Merry Men ten times. This is the end of the movie.
The Secret of NIMH
Don Bluth's first feature length movie, and considered by many to be his masterpiece. The story focuses on a mouse named Ms. Frisby, who does favors to mutant rats in return for medicine for her sick son Kenny. The comedian Dom DeLuise is a crow, and Hermione is a shrew. In case you don't get the title, it stands for Nation-wide Institute for Mental or otherwise Horrible People. I hope I was of any help :D
Eventually, the sluts at MGM decided to make a sequel, in which Kenny, after recovering from his sickness, does exactly what she does in the in first movie, although for no appearent reason. Many consider the sequel a disgrace to the original and perhaps the worst piece of crap ever, rivialed only by Plan 9 from Outer Space and G-Force.
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
In this movie, Snow White is a pale, nose-picking princess who's about as intellegent as a rock. She is like any other woman: she's stupid and has a thing for midgets. Being the stupid zombie she is, she's the ideal woman; she stays at home, cooks, cleans, and she stays out of sight. After being kidnapped and befriended by a group of dwarfs, Snow White (AKA Rain Blue) is forced for some fast money. She turns the seven dwarfs into her seven slaves go work for Osama Bin Laden in the cave digging business.
Day in and day out of abortions she voluntarily falls under some random level seven necromancer's power. Just as life was about to return to normal for her, the Prince comes around and takes her back to the kingdom. The rabbit-loving eighth dwarf Pervy was included in pre-release versions of the film to teach kids about the danger of perverts, but was later axed after pressure from the Pope.
Click on this link to watch an scene edited out from the 1953 reissue.
So Dear to My Heart
Not just the most precious film classic by Walt Disney himself, this movie has received numerous accolades because nobody has ever heard of it. This story involves a young boy named Jeremiah Kincaid, who likes to draw pictures of presidents and communists that enjoy having sex with Jeremiah. Eventually, Jeremiah enters the political arena with George Bush as the lead. He meets a beaten-up Danny the Lamb who becomes evil after being covered in nuclear waste. The lamb grows into a giant beast and kills Jeremiah and all the people at the fair. Nobody understands this, as it has been made up by the original author of this article and isn't funny to anyone else but himself and his pet gerbil, "Nancy."
The Sword in the Stone
King Arthur is a peasant boy who is trained by a crazy wizard named Merlin to pull a sword out of a stone. After two years of training, relentless beatings, and push-ups, Arthur pulls out the sword and everyone lives happily ever after. Meanwhile, we have jokes and one-liners provided by an owl, Merlin's pet.
A flick about gorillas that make Disney went Ape-Shit Crazy. The title character, Tarzan, was raised from some apes from Planet of the Apes. Which in fact, made Tarzan destroying the Statue of Liberty. Then they meet a scientist, followed by elephants and a girl from Norway named Jane. Because of that, shit happens and snakes go on the tree rather than the plane. This is the end of the movie.
That Darn Cat
Cops and robbers? I wish. This shit is about a cat named, "Darn." That Damn Cat! He's a police cat, he does something like the police do, and the film ends. What a fucking cheap waste of precious time! I want my money back, bi-atch!
The Three Caballeros
“We're Three Caballeros, Three GAY Caballeros”
Sadly, this is one of the eleven films that was banned in America, akin to Deep Throat, Casino Royale, The Jazz Singer, and the article that went with it which got huffed by kittens (See Censored Eleven). Donald the Duck receives a birthday gift from Latin America and Donald Duck meets with his friend Jose Karaoke, which he sexually-knew previous to this film's production, and Panchito Pistoles. Lovers Donald and Jose travel to Brazil during Carnival Time and eventually join-up with Panchito who extoles the virtues of Mexico City whilst getting high on Peyote from Jose's cigars. The film bombed in 1945; it includes a deleted scene where Donald Duck dances with Frank Sinatra in a Brazillian whorehouse, as an effort to top Gene Kelly's dancing with Jerry (of Tom and Jerry) in a better film. However; in 1965, Timothy Leary found a renegade copy of the film in a basement of a whorehouse in Boston and eventually showed it to his students. After this, the film became a hit for many hippies,Democrats, and fans of the band by the name of (what else)? The Three Caballeros.
Toy Story was the first collaboration Disney made with Pixar. Pixar didn’t want to make this film with Disney (it was only their second date) but Disney gave them very little choice because, at this point, they were still two separate entities. As a response, Disney kidnapped all the heads of Pixar and broke many different bones in their bodies until they finally gave in, deciding to spread their [shattered] legs and give Disney all their money. Pixar tryed to secretly show this display of action in the hard-hitting plea for mercy that can been found on the Toy Story DVD (via a hidden eater egg.) Their final declamation involves, amongst other things, Buzz Lightyear being raped by Mr Potato Head. It was all very graphic and soul-stirring. Disney eventually found out about this betrayal and assassinated the entire staff of Pixar. You can watch both the deleted scene, as well as the 'cleansing,' via The Pirate Bay.
The Current Crapfest
Not-So-Lost Lost Empire
Michael J. Fox can't stay still in this movie, centered on his quest to find Atlantis, which, unfortunately, is right in front of him the whole time. He hires a gang of the most stereotypical crew ever in a Disney movie. I mean, come on, a black doctor? Since when did we have black people that get jobs?! Anyway, the stereotypes include an Italian who blows up things with fire, a Hispanic auto mechanic who uses a monkey wrench, and Tiffani Amber Thissen. Kylie Minogue portrays Kida, some Atlantian bitch who's good with a pole and Carice Van Houten portrays Helga, a spy and right hand henchwoman of the main villain, portrayed by Adam West. The film received mostly negative reviews, due mostly to racism, and critism of Michael J. Fox's movement, which makes the camera so damn shaky the entire movie, almost like Cloverfield, but much more worse.
This was the
coolest most tolerable of the Disney movies made in the last 9 years. I mean its rated PG! A Disney movie that's rated PG just has to be cool! PG is so edgy for Disney! Unless, of course, you're over the age of seven.
Donald Duck:Full Frontal
This was Disney's biggest budget film that wasn't Pixar in 2007! The title as well as its sequels are very misleading since Donald Duck wore clothes in the first film and only on the DVD cover Donald appears nude! The second installment, "Donald Duck: Fully Sexual", Donald Duck NEVER gets it on! And for its third installment...Donald Duck was naked throughout even though it was called "Donald Duck: Fully Clothed"!
Condo in My Fridge (aka: Home on the Range)
- WARNING: If you were looking for entertainment, this is the wrong film. You have been warned. This is only entertaining for persons who are extremely high. Otherwise, you'd be better off doing something more worth-while: like moeing the lawn, walking your dog, watching the grass grow/paint dry, getting a root canal, surgery, anything but this terrible horrible piece of failure.
It's the forty-fifth animated feature in Disney's so-called canon, although it totally sucks, like most movies these days, and was named after the popular country song "Condo in my Fride". It was the last movie in the canon to be released on VHS . It was also the last traditionally animated Disney film, because now they're modernizing and everything is geared towards fart jokes, cheap animation, and politically correct stories. MODERNIZATION FOR THE WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!1!!1!!1!!!11!one!!!!1!!1!eleven I am Sauron and I approve this message :@
The "plot", AKA, "You really know how to ruin a good joke":
A mismatched trio of dairy cows – brash, adventurous Maggie, prim, proper Mrs. Caloway and ditzy, happy-go-lucky Grace (voiced by Roseanne Barr, Judi Dench, and Jennifer Tilly respectively) – must capture an infamous cattle rustler, for his bounty, in order to save their idyllic farm from foreclosure.
Wow. I couldn't improve on that comically if I tried - seriously, I've always got a joke on the tip of my tongue. But this is just ridiculous. PRIM, PROPER MRS. CALOWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11gfhdf brash brash brash brash brashjgfdhg DITZY. these are cows. THESE ARE COWS!!! COWWWWWWWWSfdklhdfh i am currently eating absolutely nothing at all.'
Let's just get this out of the way real quick, THIS MOVIE SUCKS! It's THE WORST Disney movie EVER!
Anyway, here is a more proper summery:
A mismatched trio of dairy cows – brash, adventurous Maggie, prim, proper Mrs. Caloway and ditzy, happy-go-lucky Grace (voiced by
Roseanne Barr, Judi Dench and Jennifer Tilly respectively) – must assassinate an infamous cattle rustler cow rapist, using the following items:
A bent paperclip
Four bags of shredded wheat
One eviscerated and partially rotted dead chicken
A bottle of Port
A pass signed by Ronald Regan allowing the carrier to break dance in the Oval Office
Five dead humans
Five other humans that haven't died yet
Over nine thousand dull, unsharpened pencils
One flying Victorian-style house.
They want to capture the evil cattle defiler for his bounty, in order to save their idyllic farm from foreclosure by a subsidiary banking company owned by Satan. (As Grace puts it, "Who better to catch a cattle thief...than a cow?" I have the answer - Your mom!) Aiding them in their quest, at least in terms of sexual favors, is Lucky Jack, a feisty, peg-legged undead child-murdering rabbit pyschopath who kills for fun and likes to stick fireworks up random peoples' butts, but a selfish horsefly named Buttfuck (Fidel Castro), eagerly working in the sexual service of Rico, a not-very-famous bounty hunter and horse-raping pervert, seeks the glory for himself, as well as to sell them lots of candy, which is stunted and causes him to experience extreme psychological issues and break dance in the Oval Office at random times.
Beverly Hills Chihuahua
One of the worst movies ever, next to Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Monster Movie, Plan 9 from Outer Space, and G-Force. It's about an annoying bitch named Holing who is attacking a huge innocent Doberman. Do not watch this "movie"! It sucks! It sucks! It sucks DUCK BUTT! Don't waste you're time. Papi should die. The first teaser trailer caused mass suicides at the first showing off at The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. Yet, perhaps even Dali would have sided with many people who had vowed to boycott the film's release. Among the chief concerns raised by opponents of Disney's Chihuahua production is that the legacy of Indigenous Peoples is sacrificed on the altar of Big Money, handed to corporate Latinos by the Big Mouse.
The "plot"...oh God to even call it such a thing is to completely mislead you....becomes more asinine with each ticking second. First, rich spoiled chihuahua Holing with an owner I found myself genuinely hating with all the red fiery anger of Hell gets a babysitter (some woman who rapidly became the only reason I even occasionally glanced at the screen). Out of irresponsiblilty, she tags along with her friends on a trip to Mexico. Sick of her mediocre treatment, Holing leaves the hotel room to be captured by a group of criminals in charge of the Dog Fights (a kind of cock fighting with dogs). Next, they somehow wind up in Mexico or something because at one point, the spoiled rat dog wound up in a cage preparing to fight a Doberman or something. All I know is that I was FERVENTLY praying to God, Allah, Zeus, Buddha, Johnny Carson and anyone else who could hear me to PLEASE let the Doberman shred that dog like a steak. To my complete and total disappointment, this did not happen. And so the "plot"...oh there's that word again.....progressed as the spoiled rat dog and a German Shepard manage to escape and they both try to find her way back to Beverly Hills. Meanwhile, the chihuahua of Holing's owners gardener, Papi, goes on a quest to Mexico to find Holing, the love of his life. Then at some point the skank rat wound up at an aztec temple filled with rat dog chihuahuas. Meanwhile being hunted by the Doberman, who I rooted for like I rooted for the Red Sox when they put it to the Yankees.
A plot to brainwash Americans into taking over the world like the Rich Billionaire that will be mentioned later in this article made by 20th Century Fox disguised as a Disney movie, something they had previously done with 2007's Underdog. It's about a bunch of stupid Furbies, Darwin (Dan Castellaneta), Juarez (Drew Barrymore), Blaster (Carlos Mencia), Speckles (Yeardley Smith) and Mooch (Hank Azaria). These Furbies are known as "G-Force", because they are the most God-Awful Freaking Furby Force creatures ever. They want to stop an evil billianaire (Some guy) from talking over Hollywood with the help of Holing the mouse lesbian (Sarah Palin) and Sonic the Hedgehog. That's all I can tell you, if I tell you more, it will kill you (if it hasn't already).
In 2009, Disney made a movie called "Family Guy" with the help of Seth McFarlane who also helped-out "Donald Duck: Fully Clothed". The ending had a bloodbath with all the Jews and now is in crow's mouth so it deteriorates fast!
The Disney Channel
One day Walt Disney decided he wanted his own TV channel, but the damn Nazis stole his idea and created the crap-heap that is Disney Channel. They employed half-starved hobbits to write their "original" movies, which resulted in such disgraces to the Disney name as High School Musical, That One Movie That You Really Hate, and That Other Movie That You Can't Stand.
Young celebrities start here, and after taking up anorexia as a hobby, they begin a singing career where their voices are altered to make them sound good. Some movies become cult classics. Recently, the mess High School Musical was released. The pre-teen fans it collected will become part of a great Disney Channel Army (much like Nazi Youth in the early 20th century) which will soon take over the world. High School Musical has recently been used as a torture element in the Connecticut State Prison and as a brainwashing tool for female pre-teens.
In the rare case the channel actually shows good entertainment, it is either an actual animated Disney film or one of the recent animated shows. The shows are made by Cambodian children in sweatshops who work hard to make every cell, but the animation is bad anyway, so no one feels guilty when the children are beaten for their poor work. Many times the cartoon is something like 'Teamo Supremo', which subliminally flashes messages at children.
In more recent years, Disney has become quite infamous for bastardizing their classic films by making piss-poor, carbon-copy sequels to them. The most recent unnecessary sequel was "The Fox and the Hound 2". Many fans of Disney's classic films have begun to speak out against Disney's production of "Sequels-to-Classics", stating that making such bad sequels as "Mary Poppins 2", "Herbie: Fully Loaded Again", and "Bambi 3" would be disastrous to the company and cause it to lose it's few remaining fans. These same fans that have spoke out against Disney sequels have also wondered: "If Disney can make such bad sequels and get off scot-free, then how come Ghostbusters 3 and Elf 2 have not been greenlit? The controversy has also caused Disney to scrap the production of "Dumbo 2". Below is a list of sequels to classic Disney films:
- Toy Story 2
- Toy Story 3
- Toy Story 4: Toy Car Story
- Toy Story 5: Rise of Kim Jong-il
- Toy Story 6: Now in 2D!
- Toy Story 7: Woody Has a Woody
- Toy Story 8: Ummmmmmmmmmm.....
- Toy Story 9: The Resurrection of Sid
- Toy Story 10: The Resurrection of Sid Resurrected
- Toy Story 11: 1 Night in Bo Peep
- Toy Story 12: Sex Toys
- Toy Story 13 for Women: Woodys Woody
- Toy Story 13 for Guys: That Chick Woody Jugs
- Toy Story 13 1/2: Woody vs. Woody
- Toy Story 13: Buzz's Trip to Mars
- Toy Story 13.5: Buzz Died in Mars
- Toy Story 15: Returning to Human
- Toy Story 16: Woody was a Human!
- Toy Story 17: Apocalypse Story
- Toy Story 18: Jigsaw Puzzler
- The Lion King 1 1/2
- The Lion King 2: Simba's Pride
- The Lion King 3: Simba's Disaster
- The Lion King 3 1/3: The Final Insult
- The Lion King 4: Simba Sits in for Meredith
- The Lion King 5 2/3
- The Lion King 5 3/8
- The Lion King 6 7/8ths
- The Lion King 9 3/4
- The Lion King 9/11
- The Lion King 5 3/8
- The Lion King 8 6/121: GET IN THE CAR
- The Lion King 9 34/35: The Circle Of Life Ends for Simba
- The Lion King 10 666/777: The Lion Queen
- The Lion King 3 24/137
- The Lion Kang
- The Cheetah Girls 2: When In Spain
- The Cheetah Girls 3: One World
- The Cheetah Girls 4: Cheetah Down in Da Bush
- The Cheetah Girls 5: Dad
- The Cheetah Girls 6: Cheetahs Gone Wild
- The Cheetah Girls 7: Black Attack (guest-starring Barack Obama)
- The Cheetah Girls 8: Escape from the KKK
- The Cheetah Girls 9: (Acid) Trip to McDonalds
- The Cheetah Girls 10: The Final Movie!
- The Cheetah Girls 11: ha ha it wasnt the final movie we lied u got 0wn3d n00bz
- The Cheetah Girls 12: We're not even trying to make good movies any more
- The Cheetah Girls 13: Cheetahs on Titanic
- The Cheetah Girls 14: Where they meet cheetahs!
- The Cheetah Girls 15: Where they actually cheat on each other!
- The Cheater Girls: Warcraft Sucks
- The Cheater Girls 2: Hax0r ov CS
- The Cheater Girls 3: How to Avoid Punkbuster
- The Cheater Girls 4: I Luv SCUD Bug on Generals
- Bambi 2: Bambi Gets Tortured By A Group Of Yobs
- Bambi 3: Bambi's Revenge
- Bambi 4: Nobody Cares About A Deer Anyway
- Bambi 2002
- Robin Hood 2: Robbin' da Hood
- Robin Hood 3: Robin Gets Killed by Gangstas
- Snow White 2: Snow White and the 8 Dwarfs
- Snow White 3: Snow White Meets Cocaine
- Snow White 4: The Real Snow White
- Snow White 5: Snow White Becomes Snow Black (guest starring Barack Obama)
- Snow White 6: Penthouse
- Snow White 7: Nothing Peculiar About This One, Just A Standard Movie For The Whole Family To Enjoy
- Snow White 8: Meet Coal Black
- Aladdin 2: The Return of Jafar
- Aladdin 3: Aladdin and the King of Thieves
- Aladdin 4: That Iraqi Bastard!
- Aladdin 5: The Reincarnation of Jafar
- Aladdin 6: Jafar May Need Glasses
- Aladdin 7: Hunt for Bin Laden
- Aladdin 8: Hunt for the Oil
- Aladdin 9: Jasmine Loves Saddam
- Aladdin 10: MORTAL KOMBAT HAS BEGUN!
- Aladdin Entertainment System
- Super Aladdin Entertainment System
- Aladdin 64
- Aladdin GameCube
- Aladdin Wii
- Dumbo 2
- Dumbo 3: Allergic to Pee Nuts (released in Las Vegas, NV and also in New York City, NY)
- The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2
- The Hunchback of Notre Dame 3: Welcome to the 21st Century
- The Hunchback of Notre Dame 4: Ha Ha Cripple Person
- The Hunchback of Notre Dame 5: Dude, Where's My Church?
- The Hunchback of Nostradamus: Our Future is Dark!
- The Hunchback of Nostradamus 2: The Day After Tomarrow!
- Hunchback of Notre Dame 5: HELP IT'S CHRIS BENOIT!!!
- Hunchback 6: Air Dog Quasi
- Mulan 2
- Mulan 3
- Mulan 4: Mulan in Space
- Mulan 5: Attack of the Prozoids
- Mulan 6: Mulan Rouge
- Mulan 7: Rise of the Death Star
- Mulan 8: The Prozoids Fight Back
- Mulan 9: Escape from Mars
- Mulan 10: Solar Showdown
- Mulan 11: The Neptune Space Dragon
- Mulan 12: The Death Star Strikes Back
- Mulan 13: The Wrath of Gangor
- Mulan 14: Rise of Shi Huangdi
- Mulan 15: Liu Bangs some bitches
- Mulan 16: Mulan vs. Cao Cao vs. Liu Bei vs. Sun Quan (also known as Dynasty Warriors)
- Mulan 17: Pwned by Korea
- Mulan 18: Pwned by Japan
- Mulan 19: Return of the (Mongolian) King
- Mulan 20: Me love you long time
- Mulan 21: The Gay Eunuchs plays Marco Polo
- Mulan 22: The Manchus strike back
- Mulan 23: Mulan joins the Red Guards.
- Mulan 24: Mulan love you long time.
- Mulan 25: Mulan gives Happy Ending.
- Mulan 26: This is not the Last One.
- Mulan 27: Mulan's a Chinese Stripper!
- Mulan 28: Liu, Get in the Car!
- Mulan 29: It's Not Over Yet.
- Mulan 30: MORE SEQUELS FOR CHINESE, JAPANESE, AND INDIAN PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!
- Mulan XXX
- Mulan Special: Teams up with Korea and Pwns Japan
- Muran: When the Japs walks in...
- Myuran: Directed by the Beloved Kim Il Sung
- Mộclan: North Viet Nam and Vietcong pwn the United States
- Mulan the Taiwanese version, not China
- Mulan Unrated: Asian Chicks
- Mulan: The Last Samurai
- Mulan: World War 1
- Mulan: World War 2
- Mulan: FIGHT FOR GLORIOUS PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF CHINA
- Mulan: Vietnam, The Final Chapter
- Mulan 31: Azerbaijan
- Mulan 31 1/2: Georgia
- Mulan: The Actual Final Chapter
- Mulan: The Almost-Final Chapter
- Mulan: Cultural Learnings of Capitalist West for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of China
- Mulan: The Definately-Final Chapter
- Mulan: The Definately-Final Chapter 1 1/2: You Thought it Was Over
- Mulan 50: We Made an Extra Movie to Commemorate the 50th Mulan Movie
- Sleeping Beauty 2: The Last Kiss
- Sleeping Beauty 3: New Friends
- Sleeping Beauty 4: Little Sleepy Meets Aladdin
- Sleeping Beauty 5: Little Sleepy Meets Kusco
- Sleeping Beauty 6: Little Sleepy vs. Jasmine- the Super, Wonderful, Bloody, Sexy, Lesbian Cagematch
- Sleeping Beauty 6 1/2: XXX edition (free footage of Sleeping Beauty, Jasmine and Little Mermaid Three way)
- Beauty and the Beast 2: The Enchanted Christmas
- Beauty and the Beast 3: Belle's Magical World
- Beauty and the Beast 4: Belle's Tales of Friendship
- Beauty and the Beast 5: Be Our Guest in Las Vegas
- Beauty and the Beast 6: Hawaiian Adventure
- Beauty and the Beast 7: Beauty and the Teapot Hook Up
- Beauty and the Beast 8: Beast is in Trouble with the law
- Beauty and the Beast 9: Beast is Arrested for Child Abuse
- Beauty and the Beast 10: Hairy and Horny
- Beauty and the Beast Yiffing
- Beauty and the Beast in Nashville
- Beauty and the Beast in Hell
- Beauty and the Beast in Hostel
- Beauty and the Bread
- 101 Dalmatians 2: Patch's London Adventure
- 101 Dalmatians times 3, which equals 303
- 101.4 Dalmatians
- 101 1/2 Dalmatians
- 102 Dalmatians
- 103 Dalmatians
- 104 Dalmatians
- 105 Dalmatians
- 201 Dalmatians
- 301 SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMATIANS!
- 666 Dalmatians
- 1000 Dalmatians
- Stitch: The Movie
- Stitches: The Surgical Movie
- Lilo and Stitch 2: Stitch has a Glitch
- Lilo and Stitch 3: Stitch has a Bitch
- Lilo and Stitch 4: Stitch has a Switch (in his sexuality)
- Lilo and Stitch 5: Stitch Gets Hitched
- Lilo and Stitch 6: Stitch Dies in a Ditch
- Lilo and Stitch 7: Stitch Guest-Stars on "Bewitched"
- Lilo and Stitch 8: Stitch is a Friggin' Witch
- Lilo and Stitch 9: Stitch Fucks Mitch (Who is Rich)
- Lilo and Stitch 10: Stitch has an Itch
- Lilo and Stitch 11: Stitch Is a Snitch (Gunna get killed by the inmates)
- Lilo and Stitch 12: Stitch Likes Jews
- Lilo and Stitch 13: Birth of a hybrid
- Lilo and Stitch 14: Stitch Finds a Glitch (for a PS3 Game)
- Lilo and Stitch 15: Stitch Exploits the Glitch (he uses the glitch to download free PS3 games)
- Lilo and Stitch 16: Stitch Gets Ditched for Exploiting the Glitch
- Lilo and Stitch 17: Stitch Gets Hitched Again
- Lilo and Stitch 17 and a Half: Stitch Has a Glitch, Finds a Glitch, Exploits the Glitch, Gets Ditched, Gets Hitched, and Gets Hitched Again
- Lilo and Stitch 18: Stitch Meets Erin Brockovich
- Lilo and Stitch 19: Stitch Finds WMDs
- Lilo and Stitch 20: Stitch is Nuked by Iraq
- Saddam Hussan and Stitch
- E.T. and Stitch
- Bin Laden and Stitch
- George Dubya Bush and Stitch
- John Kerry and Stitch
- Hillary Cinton and Stitch
- Bill Clinton and Stitch
- Barack Obama and Stitch
- John McCain and Stitch
- Joe Biden and Stitch
- Sarah Palin and Stitch
- Joseph Stalin and Stitch
- Adolf Hitler and Stitch
- Michael Jackson and Stitch
- Samuel L. Jackson and Stitch
- Dick Armey and Stitch
- Mao and Stitch
- Tom, Jerry, and Stitch
- Your Mom and Stitch
- Your Dad and Stitch
- Ed Wood and Stitch
- John Madden and Stitch
- Lil Wayne and Stitch
- T.I. and Snitch: Go to Jail
- Madea and Stitch
- Freddy and Stitch
- Uwe Boll and Stitch: How to Make the Worst Video Game Adapted Movie Ever
- Lilo and Stitch vs. Iraq
- Obama Bin Laden and Stitch: Revenge on America
- A Bugs' Life II: Let's Get Buggy!
- A Bug's Death
- A Pedophile's Life
- The Jungle Book 2
- The Jungle Book 3.0 - Jungle Blog
- The Jungle Book 4 - Kaa Goes Hi-def
- The Fox and the Hound 2
- The Fox and the Hound Steal Money
- The Fox and the Hound 3: Enemies like Computers! THANKS, BILL GATES
- The Fox News and the Hood Figgas: Nas
- The Fox News and the Hood Figgas: Ludacris
- The Fox News and the Hood Figgas: erm...is this Disney? Why it contains some hip-hop materials?
- The Fox and the Hound 4: Fox of Death and Hound of Hell
- Steamboat Willie 2: This Time in Technicolor
- The Great Mouse Detective 2: Air Dog Mousie
- The Great Mouse Detective 3: Mouse Solves Drugs.
- Pocahontas 2: Journey to a New World
- Pocahontas 3: Extremely Native Lady
- Pocahontas 4: Meet the Jews (ALTERNATE TITLE: Pocahontas 4: Meet Borat, Kyle Broflovski & the Other Jews)
- Pocahontas 5: That Really Looks Like a Simpsons Movie To Me
- Pinocchio 2: Pinocchio Goes Extreme (guest-starring Tony Hawk)
- Pinocchio 3: Pinocchio Gets Killed By Getting Chopped
- Pinocchio 4: Puppet Wrestling
- Pinocchio 5: Starring The Blue Fairy
- Pinocchio 6: Pinocchio Thinks His Nose is His Dick
- Pinocchio 7: Pinocchio Says "Boo!" (not the one that was used in "Super Why")
- Pinocchio 8: Battle of the Pinocchioes
- Pinocchio 9: Pinocchio's Omen
- Pinocchio Master System
- Pinocchio Genesis (AKA: Pinocchio Mega Drive)
- Pinocchio Saturn
- Pinocchio Dreamcast
- Pinocchio Goes to War
- Cinderella 2: Dreams Never Come True
- Cinderella 3: Tremaine Back in Time")
- Cinderella 4: The Pumpkin Mistress
- Cinderella 5: Cinderella's Got My Credit Card
- Cinderella 6: The Evil Stepmother's Reincarnation
- Cinderella 7: Sinderella... IN HELL!
- Cinderella 3.1
- Cinderella NT
- Cinderella 95
- Cinderella 98
- Cinderella 2000
- Cinderella ME
- Cinderella XP
- Cinderella 2003
- Cinderella Vista
- Cinderella 7
- Cinderella: Blue Screen of Death
- Cinderella: Windows Mojave
- The Sword in the Stone 2: Duel of the Fates
- The Sword in the Stone 3: NOW, There's TV!
- The Sword in the Stone 4: Gimme the Contract!
- The Sword in the Stone 5: The Sword in the Stoner
- Fantasia 2000
- Fantasia 2001: A Space Oddity
- Fantasia 2010: Another Space Oddity
- Fantasia 2012: The End
- Fantasia 1984
- Fantasia 1776
- The Fourth Fantasia That's More Epic Than Family Guy Was!
- Journey to the Disney Vault (Which Is Empty)
- Chicken Little 2: The Search For a Good Script
- Chicken Little 3: Chicken Little Gets Layed
- Chicken Little 4: Chicken Little's Egg
- Chicken Little 5: An Omelette With Tomatoes And Black And Green Olives
- Roadkill (Cars in Europe)
- Cars 1 1/2: Little Cars
- Cars 2: Pimp My Ride
- Cars 3: Cars in the Ghetto
- Cars 4: NASCAR editon
- Cars 5: Vehicular Manslaughter (Cars 5 in Europe)
- Cars 6: Pissed Out
- Cars 7: The Fast and the Furious
- Cars 8: Tokyo Drift
- Ratatouille 1 1/2: Ratatoing
- Ratatouille 2: Damn Frenchies Can't Win a War
- Oliver and Company 2: Kill the New Don
- Oliver and Company 3: The Dogers Kill His Dogs & The Cat!
- Oliver and Company 4: A Cat Mafia in NYC
- Oliver and Company 5: The City Is Mine
- Oliver and Company 6: Cosa Nostra
- Oliver and Company 7: Blue Magic
- Oliver and Company 8: American Cat Gangster
- Oliver and Company 9: A Tribute to New York
- Oliver and Company 10: When the Dust Settles
- Finding Nemo 2: Eating Nemo
- Finding Nemo 3: OH DAMN NEMO WHERE YOU AT!
- Finding Nemo 4: Nemo turns Emo
- Finding Nemo 5: Nemo slits his Fins
- Killing Nemo 2: Hello Nemo **chop**
- Killing Nemo 3: I Love Nemo! **C4 blast**
- Killing Nemo 4: Why Are You So Emo? **Murdering Over PC Screen**
- Finding Osama
- Grinding Nemo
- The Aristocats 2: Killing Edgar
- The Aristocats 3: Battle of the Wits
- The Little Mermaid 2: Return to the Sea
- The Little Mermaid 3: Return to the Return to the Sea
- The Little Mermaid 4: Ariel's Daughter Poisoning
- The Little Mermaid 5: The Beginning of Ariel
- The Little Mermaid 6: The Global Warming Explosion
- The Little Mermaid 7: Rise of the Apocalypse
- The Little Mermaid 8: Ariel's Hot (In Europe)
- The Little Mermaid 9: Mermaids Gone Wild
- The Little Mermaid 10: When Mermaids Went to Hell
- The Little Mermaid 11: Return of The Mer-slut
- The Little Mermaid In Da Hood
- The Little Mermaid: Return to Da Hood
- The Big Mermaid: The McDonalds Scandal
- Meet the Robinsons 2: The Future's Quest for Steve Jobs
- Meet the Robinsons 3: Bowler Hat Guy Turns Gay
- Hercules 2: The Trojan War
- Hercules 300: This is SPARTA!
- Hercules 4: Hercules Meets Kuzco & Kronk of "The Emperor's New Transplants"
- Hercules 5: Hercules Goes Extreme (Starring Tony Hawk)
- Hercules 6: Smashy Crashy Die Die Die
- Hirculs 7: Lulz spelt hercules wrong
- Hercules 8: This Looks Like Family Guy or American Dad to Me!
- Hercules 9: Megara Has LARGE Boobs!
- Hercules 10: Hercufield
- Hercules 11: Hercules gets killed by Chuck Norris
- Hercules 12: Hercules Unchained
- Hercules 13: Hercules vs. the Mooninites
- Herc-box 360
- Herc-box 360 2: Hercules & The Red Ring of Death
- Peter Pan 2: Return to Neverland
- Peter Pan 3: Return to the Peoples Republic of China
- Peter Pan 4: Return to Nazi Germany
- Peter Pan 5: Return to Satan
- Peter Pan 6: Return to Bin Laden
- Peter Pan 7: The Land of Sometimes Land
- Peter Pan 8: The Real Peter Pan
- Peter Pan 9: Grues Kill the Lost Boys!
- Peter Pan 10: Michael Jackson visits Neverland
- Peter Pan 11: The Final Chapter (Peter final grows-up...)
- Peter Pan 12: Peter Decides He Still Hasn't Grown Up and Returns to Neverland (when it comes down to the cold-hard facts, no Disney movie dubbed "The Final Chapter" is ever the last sequel)
- Peter Pan 13: Peter Kisses a Girl and He Likes It
- Peter's Pen: Writing About Myself
- Peter's Pen 2: Talking to Myself
- Peter's Pen 3: Finding Myself
- Not Another Disney Movie
- The Rescuers 2: The Rescuers Down Under The Grotto
- The Rescuers 3: The Rescuers Down Under the Furher
- The Rescuers 4: The Rescuers Down Under Your Son's Shirt
- The Rescuers 5: Rescue in Africa
- The Rescuers 6: Escape from China
- The Rescuers 7: The Rescue Team Travels to Italy
- The Rescuers 8: Die, Mice, Die!
- The Rescuers 9: BLOOD DIAMOND
- The Rescuers 10: The Departed
- Alice in Wonderland 2: Alice's Revenge
- Alice in Wonderland 3: Alice Meets Kusco, Aladdin and Grue!
- Robin Hood 2: Prince John's Reincarnation
- Robin Hood 3: Robbing Hood
- Robin Hood 4: Robin From the Hood
- Robin Hood 5: CGI edition (a.k.a. Rubber Hood)'
- Shrek Meets Monsters Inc.
- Monster Trucks Inc.
- Monsters Inc 3: monsters in ur bed!!!!1 lululul
- Bolt 2: Some Movie
- Bolt 3: The Dog Goes Naked! XXX!
- Steamyboat's Willy, the porno
- Tarzan II: The Return of Tarzan
- Tarzan III: This Time, It's Not Tarzan II! NOT IN 3D!
- Tarzan IV: UNRATED, UNCUT & UNCESORED!
- Tarzan V: Tarzan's WOW addiction.
- Tarzan VI: It Goes On
- Tarzan VII: Jane Divorces Tarzan
- Tarzan VIII: Tarzan in Tehran
- Tarzan & Jane: One Night in Pari.. Amazon....
- Tarzan's "accidental" Circumcision. (So there was this large sharp rock and Jane thought to herself "hhmmm better in bed...")
- Lady and the Tramp 2: Gramp's Adventure
- Lady and the Tramp 3: The Last Spaghetti Kiss
- Lady and the Tramp 5: That Lady IS a Tramp!
- A Bug's Life 2: A Bugs on Wikipedia
- A Bug's Life 3: A Bugs on Game
- A Bug's Life 3: Solve It by DeBug
- An Insect's Life 2: Kill the New Insect
- An Insect's Life 3: Death of All Insects
- WALL-E 1 1/2: Tiny Robots
- WALL-E 2: WALL-E Attempts to Install Vista and Dies
- WALL-E 3: Waste of Time!
- WALL-E 3 56/78s: Where's Waldo?
- The Three Caballeros Strike Back (Released only in Mexico and SW America)
- Return of The Three Caballeros (Released only in Canada and possibly Spain)
- The Three Caballeros and the Phantom Menace (Released only in French-Speaking countries)
- Attack of The Three Caballeros (Released only in the British Possessions)
- Revenge of the Three Caballeros (Released only in Cleveland)
- Flubber 2: When Flubber Meets Cum (Released only in Japan and possibly Des Moines, Idaho)
- Love Is A Lie: The Oscar Meyer Story
- Operation Dumbo Sex
- I Am A Flying Cryo-Preserved Dismembered Head Floating Under the Snow White Exhibit: The Walt Disney Story
- Tron 2: Tron vs. Haxorz
- Tron 3: Tron vs. the Corrupt Admins
- Tron 4: Tron vs. the Invincibility Hackers
- Tron 5: Tron vs. Video Game Pirates
- Tron 6: Tron vs. Warez
- Tron 7: Tron vs. NES Games
- Tron 8: Tron vs. The Angry Video Game Nerd
- Tron 9: Tron vs. The Blue Screen of Death
- Tron 10: Tron vs. IrateGamer
- Tron 11: Tron vs. The Nostalgia Critic
- Tron 12: Tron vs. Fat Guy Stuck in Internet
- That's So Raven 2: The Quest for More Food
- That's So Raven 3: Into the Ghetto
- That's So Raven 4: Worshipping Trees
- Fat's So Raven
- That's So Rabbi: Jews Anyone?
- That's So Rabbi 2: The Fight For More Money
- That's So Rabbi 3: Revenge Into the Ghetto
- That's So Rabbi 4: Worshipping Trees
- Disney's Phantom of the House of Mouse
- Disney's Zombie Outbreak in the House of Mouse
- Disney's House of Mouse Chainsaw Massacre
- Hannah Montanna: Hannah Goes on a (Acid) Trip Across America
- Hannah Montanna: Zombie Hillbillies
- Hannah Montanna: Malibu Chainsaw Massacre
- Hannah Montanna: Hannah Becomes the Dictator of China
- Hannah Montanna: Good Ol' Country Cookin' (Down Home Cannibalistic Cookin' in Europe)
- Hannah Montanna: Humans are Food to Hillbillies
- Hannah Montanna: The Resurrection of Rico
- Hannah Montanna: The Resurrection of Rico Resurrected
- Hannah Montanna: The Resurrection of Rico's Resurrected Resurrection
- Hannah Montanna: Return to Tenessee (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre in Europe)
- Hannah Montanna: Uncle Earl Becomes a Cannibalistic Psychopath
- Hannah Montanna: Uncle Earl Resurrected
- Hannah Montanna: Hannah vs. The World
- Hannah Montanna: Hannah Becomes a Porn Star
- Hannah Montanna: The REAL Hannah Montana
- Hannah Montanna: The REAL Hannah Montana 2 (still not revealed)!
- Hannah Montanna: Hannah Montanna will never reveal who she is
- Hannah Montanna: Hannah Montanna reveals who she is
- Hannah Montanna: Hannah's End
- Hannah Montanna: Hannah's Resurrection
- Hannah Montanna: Hannah Dates the Jonas Brothers (AGAIN)
- Hannah Montanna: Hannah Gets Dumped
- Hannah Montanna: Seven Shits I hate about you
- Hannah Montanna: Hannah goes to Jamaica
- Halloweentown 2: Kablar's Revenge
- Halloweentown 3: Halloweentown High
- Halloweentown 4: Return to Halloweentown
- Halloweentown 5: Halloweentown vs. the War on Christmas
- A Wet Dream Before Christmas
- The Nightmare Before Kwanzaa
- The Nightmare Before Channukah
- The Nightmare Before Your Birthday
- The Nightmare Before Easter
- The Nightmare Before Arbor day
- The Nightmare Before Dawn
- The Nightmare Before Halloween
- The Nightmare Before Armageddon
- The Nightmare Before MORTAL KOMBAT!
- The Nightmare Before Pancake day
- The Nightmare Before World War 2
- The Nightmare Before World War 3
- The Nightmare Before World War 4
- The Nightmare Before World War 4.5
- The Nightlife Before X-Mas
- The Nightlife Before Your Birthday
- The Nightlife Before My First Kiss
- The Nightlife Before My Graduation of Virgin
Songs and Incidental Music
Some songs have been cut from films, such as: "The Tramp Ain't Neutered" (Lady and the Tramp), "Aladdin Has a Whole New STD" (Aladdin), "Beauty and Bestiality" (Beauty and the Beast), "I am a Tospy-Sexy-Turvy" (The Hunchback of Notre Dame), "I'm Going Bat-Shit Crazy" (A Utah Journey), "Good Thing White ain't Black" (Snow White), "Why Am I High?" (Alice in Wonderland), "Gimme Megara's Boobs" (Hercules), "I Aborted the Last 100" (101 Dalmatians), "Mulan the Moran" (Mulan), and "Rafiki's rap about rape" (The Lion King).
- Pink Floyd will star in High School Musical 7. They will play a clique of artsy teens whose songs are all about how lame high school musicals are while the cast of the lame school musical will get high. CGI graphics will be used to seamlessly integrate them with real teenagers.
- Disney is responsible for a horrible attempt at a cyborg recreation of another cyborg gone wrong. It was named Inspector Gadget, but at the same time, it is not the real Inspector Gadget. You are not advised to walk up to a girl and Inspector Gadget. (This is meant to be read out loud.)
- Walt Disney is afraid of Goths.
- The original idea for High School Musical involved Nathan Fillion as the teacher who kept the students in line. This idea was scrapped when Disney realized their DCOM would last two minutes and the one song entitled "My Name is Zac Efron and I'm Gettin' My Ass Kicked By Nathan Fillion" was thirty seconds long and incomplete.
- The idea of millions of sketch marks everywhere for the first few seasons of the boring-to-death, piece of shite cartoon Recess was used so they can make the show even more humorless.
- That's So Raven was actually Disney's attempt to affront God with the worst plot ever.
- Walt Disney was the first furry to openly admit to his preference.
- The Jonas Brothers will star in their own movie with Kurt Cobain, Insane Clown Posse, and others. Apparently, no one will give a flying fuck.
Amanita Mushrooms in Disney films
Drugs and other vices appear in every movie ever made by Disney, but like all children's literature, the imagination and delusions that children experience in Disney cartoons is rooted in their dosing on this mushroom, which appears in many of the movies, most notably in Alice in Wonderland, Snow White, Bambi, The Three Caballeros, and Fantasia. (In Fantasia, the mushrooms even dance around.) The typical visage of the white stalk, collar, and red cap with white spots indicates Amanita muscaria, which for millennia has been used by the Norse people for hallucinatory effects. The mushroom is dried, and the cap cut into bits and eaten. In Alice in Wonderland, there is a good possibility that the mushrooms seen when the caterpillar smokes hashish are psilocybin.