The Wingfield family photo album

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Template:Switch I dug these out of the old family album and wanted to share them with you. Since the popularity of Dad's bestselling book, Fishing For Children, people have clamored for more. I love Dad's fans, who are like family to me, so I thought they'd get as much enjoyment out of looking at these as we did taking them. Nothing like a romp down memory lane to relive the sights, sounds, and tastes of childhood.

Tris Wingfield

This is mom, Bess Wingfield, taken during our vacation in Greece. Mom, who is still worth her weight in gold (exactly 1000 coms!), landed a 10-pound Cretan that day, but also burned pretty badly.

Look at this! Dad dressed one of them up before tossing it in. He caught it later that morning, and when he pulled it out of the water we'd forgotten all about it, and we broke up laughing like Letterman on primo. Made everyone feel good all day long.

Dad kept this photo as a memento of the day an energetic eight-year-old bled out after fighting the hook. Dad used to laugh that mom then came up behind him and pushed him off the shore as a joke, and it took her a week to wash the blood out of his trousers. Mom's hiding in the tall grass on the right there.

Here's one we caught, let me think, I want to say somewhere near Duluth? Dad should have marked these pictures on the back.

God, I remember this like it happened yesterday. Dad was drunk, and before we tossed this one in to "wet it up a bit" dad gave it a cig and a beer. The baby got so drunk and so fumed out on nicotine that it started throwing up all over the place, which is when dad tired of his game and tossed it overboard. I could see it still holding onto its can as it sank, trying its best to score another sip!

For a few years there this was a typical day's catch, and then mom and one of the kitchen staff would clean and scale them.

I can't believe Mom kept this! It's my first catch! This was off the coast of Maine, I remember lots of wind and ocean spray. I must have been eleven or twelve, not long after Dad invented the sport. This is truly a keepsake. It brings a tear to my eye. Thanks Mom!

Ha! Dad was totally wasted one day and cast a line into our backyard swimming pool. Cousin Siobhan caught one in the winker, and we had to drag the pole out of dad's hands before he reeled her in. Check out her left eye. Creepy, it's got a red spot, like a devil or something.

Snapped moments before having his clothes torn off and getting thrown in the North Sea, this pic captures what dad called the child's "moment of realization". It easily took third place in a national photo contest. Mom was so proud!

Here's one we'd thrown back, and it later crawled out of the water and wandered off. Dad wanted to chase and gut the sucker, but by that time he was well into his second six-pack of the morning and said "The hell with it". Good times.

Mom didn't always cook them alive, but when she did she went all out. She'd season them with apples, ice cream, and Almond Oil, which gave them a tender taste and loosened up the skin so it would just melt in your mouth. More often than not, an hour later you'd be fast asleep!

Their mouths have no nerve endings, so they can't feel pain. So batter up!