The fall of Rome

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“It fell, because it was on the edge of the map”

The fall of Rome(aka the big bang) Scholars disagree as to exactly how it happened. Some even go as far as to saying that Rome never fell at all and it merely went through a sex change. But this is certainly a "false accusation" says John Mark Karr.

The Flat Years[edit]

The fact of the matter is that Rome's death was swift and painless, like ripping off a bandaid. Unless you're a masochist; then it simply isn't "fun enough". The story of its fall dates back to 300,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 BC when the Earth was still flat. All of the land was, in fact, perched aloft the back of a giant tortoise-like creature named Billy Bob Thornton who was said to have been Emo. This was do to the fact that for years, he was sick and tired of being used as a tool which is a term coined to offend gay cartoon characters.

Rome Falls[edit]

Billy Bob Thornton decided to commit suicide by jumping over the edge of the Earth, only to find that some Jackass had placed bumpers there as part of a massive pinball game. Eventually, Billy fell through the open gap. Many of its people were able to avert tragedy by jumping into the deadly salt-infested waters before the tortoise took the plunge. This goes for all except the Romans, who were, inconveniantly, in statue form so they could not move.

"I came, I saw, I saw, I saw, I saw, I saw, I saw, I saw" remarked Julius Caesar, reflecting the discontent that many Romans shared about being frozen sculptures.

The Leage of Extrordenary Gentlemen[edit]

The people scattered in the waters grappled with an albino whale, who was distraught by the fact that nobody wanted to be his friend. The whale's name was Mopy Dick (aka Dick Cheney). The remaining few survivors were able to acquire an arc to climb aboard for refuge. There, they were greeted byNoah, Christopher Columbus, Jimmy Hoffa, Waldo and Henry Kissinger. They formed The League of Extrordenary Gentlemen. Sean Connery tried to sue them for copyright violations but he couldn't because he wasn't born yet. It was unanimously decided that Henry Kissinger would be the ruler of the free world until the apocalypse, which is believed to be when Winona Ryder redeems her popularity and becomes Satan.


The many survivors were fruitful and multiplied. From there, they discovered the Ocean Plug (akaMichael Moore's Bellybutton) and pulled it to drain the water, thus creating land. However, as an unitneded repercussion, Hell was flooded and cooled. This neutralized every volcano on earth, hindering Frodo Baggins's epic quest, which was just for the purpose of throwing his friend, Sam Gamgee, into the cracks of doom, as a punishment for trying to take his ring. Eventually,Sauron intervened to convince Frodo not to kill his best friend. Sauron now goes by the alias of Dr. Phill.

The Earth Goes Round[edit]

Somewhere along the way, the Earth was promoted from being flat, to round. However, nobody was able to figure this out until money was invented, two years ago. Bill Gates came to this conclusion when he realized that "money makes the world go round". Bill Gates is known for inventing windows, which allows people to look outside. He also goes by the name, Janet Reno.


It is now a crime to deny the fact that the Earth is round, because it defeats the whole porpoise. Under law, the maximum sentence involves being hugged by Richard Simons.