The typing impaired teenager

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Kids. Just say no.

TEenAge typng iMpAiRmEnt (also known as STI) is a common disorder among teenagers of teh 21st Century often associated with frequent communication thru instant messaging and gaming. Genrally, victims contract STI round teh ages of 10-12, and outgrow it by teh age of 20, with a few ecxeptoins.


Causes[edit]

Is stupidity inherited? Or is it contagious?

No definite cause of STI has been scientifically proven but there theories exist. Possible causes that observation has noted include:

  • The individual's IQ and surroundings.
  • Gene pool failure.
  • Smoking Drano granules and/or any drug around time of conception.
  • Smoking Drano granules and/or any drug during pregnancy.
  • Skullfucking via sex during pregnancy.
  • Having been repeatedly dropped on your head during infancy.
  • Giving in to social faults and failures (e.g. Rap and Teeny bopper music).
  • Rap music (can't spell CRAP without RAP).
  • Teeny bopper music (Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers, Britney Spears, etc ...)
  • Disney channel, toys, music, shows, etc ...
  • MTV, VH1, & The WB.

Symptoms[edit]

Someone with STI trying to write an essay for English class. We know, it's hard typing with real words.

These are the most common symptoms. One or more may be experienced at the same time.

  • Difficulty with written assignments.
  • Inabliety to spell simple words.
  • Random twitching of fingers.
  • Nonexistent words present hfua jfierojf ajeio in written works.
  • Repeated drooling and inadvertent use of acronyms in spoken conversations.
  • Quickly resorting to violence when talked to
  • Inability to read
  • Inability to function
  • Fear of Heights, bugs, dogs, cats, dust mites, plankton, etc.

Examples[edit]

Some examples of STI in online communications -

Please note that individuals who suffer from STI usually have a limited vocabulary, and therefore these are not actual representations of sentences that a person with the disease would use.

A pAtTeRn Of CaPiTaLiZeD aNd LoWeRcAsE lEtTeRs.

wHiLe WaLkInG hOmE fRoM sChOoL, i EnCoUnTeReD sOmEoNe DuMbEr ThAn Me

(While walking home from school, I encountered someone dumber than me.)

Replacement of actual words with similar sounding phrases or numbers.

i wuz a fan of muse b4 dey bcame popular thru twilight

(I was a fan of Muse before they became popular through Twilight.)

yesturdaii, i failed anotha test cuz i 4got 2 study

(Yesterday, I failed another test because I forgot to study.)

Long term effects[edit]

Althow no definite conclusion about the long term effects of STI has been made, excessive stalking of known sufferers of this disease has proven that those who do not overcome STI by the age of 20 are often antisocial, having very noticeable problems functioning in society, leading to a regression that creates a disastrous social paradigm for youth (e.g. Ke$ha, spelt with a dollar sign because she couldn't be fucked to use intellect, and in later years, will not be fucked - in the suggested manner - for obvious reasons). Most of these people also had significantly lower-paying jobs by the age of 40 than those who managed to overcome the disease, or never had it in the first place as a result of correct cultural education.

Cures and Treatments[edit]

Does anything more need to be said?


There is no known cure 4 STI. Some treatments include:

  • Intense grammar psychotherapy.
  • Repeated brick stabbing to the face.
  • Continuous blows to the head with a heavy object.
  • Electric shock therapy.
  • Not having children.
  • Not being idiotic.
  • Listening to real music (e.g. Rock, Metal, Classical, Jazz)
  • Paying attention in school.
  • Reading a book with actual words.
  • Pulling their heads out of their ass.
  • Getting laid (Nearly impossible seeing as the farthest stretch is getting a handjob).
  • Removing yourself thus earning a Darwin Award.

All listed therapies are not guaranteed to produce effective results. In other words, kids, you're screwed.

See Also[edit]