Thematic Role

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A rare photograph of Thematic Role, soon after his graduation from the American Academy of Dramatic Arts in 2003.
Secret Agents
Turn Page, Act I (Side A)
Turn Page, Act II (Side B)
Turn Page, Act III (Side A)

Thematic Role (circa Monday, 25th of August 1996, 15:23 - today (he died today)) was a famous actor of Thespian proportions. He is also known as the Thematic Relation, Theta Role or θ-role.


Thematic Role was born in 1996. His father, Protagonistic Role, was an illiterate agricultural investor, who tried — but did not quite manage — to conquer the internets, because he couldn't find out where he had to plant the flag. Young Thematic lived with his father in their spacious house in the suburban countryside.

The Opportunity of a Lifetime[edit]

Thematic was in the middle of studying for his groundbreaking part in the acclaimed Broadway musical Secret Agents. Just a few minutes before Protagonistic died, he handed his impressionable young son the first-draft script of a new play he was writing, provisionally entitled Turn Page. Soon after Thematic memorized that fateful first line, he proceeded to turn the page, and, much to his surprise, he found another "Turn page" message on the other side, and he turned the page to find yet another side with the "Turn page" message again, and vice-versa ad infinitum. This, then, was his greatest challenge as a professional actor: to turn the page again and again and again, allst the while emoting the theatrical appearance of great emotions.

Grisly Death[edit]

Thematic started doing this two weeks ago. This morning, he was found dead of starvation, having turned the page for the very last time. In his funeral yesterday, his dead father read out loud his last wish:

"Chicken, cheese, a dozen eggs.... OOPS! Sorry, that's the wrong paper.." (taking out the correct paper) Turn Page..., (turning the page) Turn Page..., (turning the page) Turn Page..., (turning the page) Turn Page..., (turning the page)...

Wolfgang Amadeus Newton also wrote a stirring poem for his eulogy:

Turn page, turn page, turn
page, turn page, turn page, turn page,
turn page, so i did
a meta-haiku.

Everybody at the lavish funeral burst into tears as Thematic (or rather, the actor hired at the last minute to play Thematic) gasped out his last dying breath.

Other Notable Works[edit]

Thematic Role's other notable works include portrayals of a gardener, a maid, God (only for a week or so), a web designer and a pizza delivery boy.