Theodicy

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Theodicy is the reason bad things happen to good people.

Meaning[edit]

As a philosophy, theodicy views God as an utter bastard; a real ball-buster. Moreover it views all human evil, in all its forms, as directly linked to God’s will, effectively making him the most wanted criminal in the entire universe.

Although at first this means that we exist in a reality controlled by a total cunt, which is bad, it also means we have no free will and therefore cannot be held accountable for our actions, which is great. Everything balances out. This makes theodicy a completely rational philosophical stance.

Theodicy in Religion[edit]

An adolessent theodicy caught near oxford by the RSPCA, note the destinctive markings on the fur near the sub-oscilator.

As one should probably have worked out by now theodicy views all world religions and their dogmas as completely rational as well. Christianity, for instance, celebrates the wonders and glories of a universe where our loving God oversees suffering, horror and senseless death and destruction in our day to day lives which he also happens to monitor every minute we exist, even when we’re in the shower. In return Christians thank God, quite rightly, for allowing them the freedom to exist in this universe for a duration and purpose he deems acceptable. Again, this is all totally rational.

The Problem of Evil[edit]

Some dissenters to this completely rational view of our existence point, known as ATHEISTS (acronym for the Assholes Threatening Holy Evangelicals and Innocent Theists Society) make an absurd argument called The Problem of Evil. This ridiculous argument states that because evil exists in the universe then there is no reason to believe in God. No part of this argument makes any sense. If God does not exist why is it that nearly 99.9% of all road accidents are fatal to Atheists? Few atheists are able to respond to this fool-proof proposition as most mowed down by a people-carrier before attempting to rant their views. Interestingly, next to working in childcare, atheism is the most dangerous occupation in the western world.

In Literature[edit]

Theodicy is one of two major ancient Greek epic poems attributed to homer. The book is monumentally boring and serves only as a good way for dishonourable pump weasels to utilise literature to steal other people hawt dates during their school prom. It is often read by people who are attending / have attended universities you cannot afford and also people who believe they are more cleverer then you. It is theorised that the book was thus titled for the above reasons.

Statistical analysis of people who like this book have shown they are more then 9003% more likely to call you out on poor grammar / spelling then normal ornaments. The ancient Celts used copies of Theodicy to beat their children during the coming of age ritual known as the 'tunnel of ouchey ouch'

In Music[edit]

The greatest Theodic evangelist of this century is St Jeff Hanneman, who released "God Hates Us All" Released: September 11, 2001. In this great work of art the victim of God is hereby revealed to be us humans and not as is usually the case, crates of bananas. Rogers, C. R. (1961). On becoming a person. Boston: Houghton Mifflin.


See also[edit]