# Theory of sponges

Hawailkons theory of sponges states that on the earth’s surface, sponges are volatile. This was proved incorrect in 1984 by an Icelandic scientist called Thrustmaster. He said that sponges were actually gay, and raped vulnerable young children in the bath. His theories were popular at the time as he was rich, and well-respected, earning him a rightful place in society, and many followers. Lately however, in 2004, two British scholars called Jake Wood and Harold Scholes discovered that (after 20 years of solid research), his theories were actually incorrect. They introduced a new theory, the theory of the pipe clay triangles, which clearly disproved Thrustmasters ideas. Their theory states that there are currently 650 gazillion Venezuelan trench dwelling moose on the planet, meaning that you are within one centimetre of one every where you go. This defies Thrustmaster’s theory of gay sponges, as it shows that mooses are not proportionally linked with sponges, but are actually indirectly proportional. Their research goes as follows:

$\displaystyle Koala Bear2 = (Δsponge) ÷ (7 + jockstrap) (in metres)$

$\displaystyle Koala bear × armadillo = Koala bear2$

$\displaystyle Koala bear × Armadillo = (compass ÷ Norwegian mine shaft2)(semen of an otter)$

Even though:

$\displaystyle (compass ÷ Norwegian mine shaft2) x semen of an otter does not equal (Δsponge) ÷ (7 + jockstrap)$

It is proved correct because sponge acts as a catalyst in the experiment. Another British scholar named John Birkett discovered this while working underground with variants of the sponge. We are led to believe by inside sources, that it was highly influential that John figured this out so that Britain could clarify the equation before the Germans, basically because:

$\displaystyle Koala bear2 = √aircraft carrier$

This could have resulted in an outcome that that would have been very upsetting.

In 2005, while working with dishcloths to find out the pH of tungsten, the same duo came across another mind-boggling discovery. This was that:

$\displaystyle Freight train3 x Stuffed mongoose = (Rastrick high school) Лr2$

These later ideas were not accepted at first, because they contradicted the theories of Charles Darwin and Gregorz Mendel, but were eventually accepted by the British science Foundation because underneath they knew that the mongoose has micropenis, with a bell end weighing around 30 tonnes.