Thickest Person In The World Contest
“I wish I won now”
“Hah how stupid. I win anything.”
The Thickest Person In The World contest is merely a contest usually held in the Whitehouse for pillocks who don't know much about running countries. This contest has seen many winners, including Tony Blair, Saddam Hussein, and that pillock across the street who likes cheese. Just so you know, that guy is a close friend of George Bush.
Winners of the contest are awarded with a gun and bullets for killing themselves. However, most couldn't figure out they had to point the bloody thing at their head and one winner's mistake led to the 1982 Rabbit Massacre.
Runners up of the prize are usually seen crying in the corner, while others have been known to become president. That does include little Georgie Bushy.
History of the Contest
Even though there are many, many, many very incredibly thick people infesting our beloved cesspit of a planet, it goes without saying that some manage to take their diminutive intelligence on to the global stage, thus putting themselves unknowingly forward for the Thickest Person In The World Contest. Therefore the criteria for being awarded this prize is not just being mind-bogglingly retarded, but also having demonstrated to the world at large how unerringly wrong you are on every subject that happens to by-pass your grubby little neurons in the biological puddle that is the contestants brain.
Started in 1916, the innaugural winner was Kaiser Wilhelm II, when he tried to move Germany a few hundred miles east into Russia. Since then, notable winners have been Adolf Hitler for a repeat performance of Kaiser Willhelm's momentous act of stupidity, and recently, George Bush, for his brave attempt to destroy the rest of the world on the basis that it was "un-American" therefore reprising another former American winner's classic thick-brained action, namely Senator McCarthy.