Things the government doesn't want you to know

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Things the government wants you to believe?

Governments in general[edit]

Under certain conditions, huffing the orange kitten will give you random super powers.
  • That there is a list of things the government does not want you to know.
  • A selection of real life cheat codes exists.
  • The crime rate in an anarchy is zero.
  • Guns do kill people.
  • Humans did not evolve from monkeys, but rather from SPAM (note:it is currently contoversial whether humans evolved from the weird thing in the fridge or the very entertaining mail).
  • Ghengis Khan is now in control of much of Asia and Eastern Europe.
  • Dinosaurs aren't extinct, they're just hiding.
  • The Drug Cartel is actually a World Police Force saving us from the real thugs.

Canadian government[edit]

The Canadian flag never actually existed.
  • Canada was never granted its independence from the United Kingdom, people just got bored of singing "God Save The Queen".
  • Canadians aren't really nicer than Americans, but they are better actors.
  • Canada is planning a campaign of world domination.
  • That while the Canadian public is aware of the Canadian military, the government lost track of them shortly after the War of 1812.
  • Canada's free public health care system is as good as America's private one, but neither is allowed to admit it under a mutual non-disclosure agreement.
  • Canada is a state
  • Canada allows its residents to moon its neighbors across the border on a cold, dark night when the temperature drops to -0.

United Kingdom government[edit]

Halliburton is actually owned by Great Britain in their plan to reestablish the British Empire.
  • Funded by taxing tax on the tax we tax from the taxed and then reclaimed through benefit cheques by those oppressed by the taxes, this economic model was inspired by the Folk myth of robin hood.
  • The United League of Horses has sued Tony Blair's face for patent infringement.
  • The government elaborately covered up the Chunnel Collapse of 1996.
  • A poll of United Nations members found that Mediocre Britain is the UK's most popular territory.
  • Due to budget setbacks, Buckingham Palace was replaced with a giant cardboard cutout.
  • A lift is really an elevator.
  • Sometimes, at night, Stonehenge and Big Ben get drunk and have barfights over who tells time more accurately.
  • John Prescott loves having dairy products hurled at him. Go on give it a try.
  • The Spice Girls were a successful attempt by the British Government to lower our standards to gutter levels.
  • Tea is from China, and not sticking your pinky up when you drink it won't kill you.
  • The British accent is actually a speech disorder.
  • The Doctor and Dalek is real. There are TARDIS in 76 Totter's Lane.
  • The Royal Family is not at all real, they're a bunch of washed up actors playing the roles to this day.

Australian government[edit]

Ostrich is the other white meat.
  • Sometimes, the New Zealanders beat us at sports.
  • The capital of Queensland is not Brisbane, it's Nairobi.
  • Tony Abbott is an experimental android made entirely from grease.
  • Australia is actually a territorial possession of the Pitcairn Islands.
  • Canberra is an incredibly exciting town, which merely pretends to be dull to discourage outsiders.
  • Tasmania is not really a state; in fact it is not really part of Australia at all and is just hanging around to seem cool by proxy.

French government[edit]

  • God is known to speak other languages than French.
  • Jacques Chirac is very bad at imitating Charles de Gaulle.
  • Becoming a member of the Academie Francaise does not really make a person immortal.
  • The Eiffel Tower was built by Germans.
  • All military personel carry a stick and a white piece of cloth, along with a tampon, on them at all times.

Chinese government[edit]

  • The Internets

The Irish Government[edit]

  • Alcohol does NOT make you more attractive
  • Alcohol does NOT make you more cool
  • Alcohol does NOT make you live longer
  • The tax on alcohol DOES cancel out the social welfare budget

External links[edit]