Think fast, douche-fag!

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Nice shoes Albert.

You might be an innocent bystander, or perhaps it's somebody you've known for a while. You could be walking along the street, sitting at home enjoying a coffee or even out playing with your dog at the park. But eventually, knowing how much you suck at life, somebody will eventually come along and demand that you think fast, douche-fag!

But Why?[edit]

But why? but why?!?, well it's obvious that you've done something to piss somebody off. Maybe you left your stereo on too loud the other day, or maybe somebody just thinks you suck. Either way, something bad is going to happen to you, and it's just a matter of time before you're forced to "think fast!".

How Will It Happen?[edit]

OK, let's face must have done something really fucking stupid to warrant having to "think fast!". Usually people will just regard you with apathy when they encounter you in the daily rigours of their life, because they just don't care. But sometimes, if you're found to be an annoying little shit, you might gain the attention of somebody that wins at everything forever and they might force you to "think fast!".

Generally, anybody that forces you to "think fast!" will be faster, stronger, smarter and pretty much better than you, so you probably won't ever see it coming. But just for your information, here's a few ways in which you might be forced to "think fast!"

  • A dose of Power Thirst - because you can't take it, snake eyes!
  • A HUGE rocket - fired from a helicopter, you definitely won't see it coming
  • A ninja - You REALLY won't see it coming...

What Can I Do?[edit]

Well, nothing really. To be honest, if you've gotten to the point where things are this bad, then maybe you should have thought about it a little more. Ultimately, you're just going to have to live with the fact that eventually, you are going to be the victim of ultimate pwnage. Good Luck!!!

The Douche-Fag Rehabilitation Center[edit]

Now this may be your only hope. If you're serious about no longer wanting to "think fast!" then there is something you can do. The good men and woman at the DFRC want to help you. Even if you are completely consumed by douche-faggotry, you don't have to suffer alone. You can hang around other douche-fags all day and get better!


Of course, you can't be so much of a douche-fag that you'll never live a normal life again. If you continually fail at every challenge you are faced with, then you could definitely have a problem. However, if you would like to enroll, then please do not hesitate to call 1-800-THINK-FAST and you will be put through to a real person (although more likely an automated machine) immediately.

Living With Douche-Faggotry[edit]

One of the most important things you will learn is how to live with your terrible affliction, and especially how to control it in company. Even though the goal of the DFRC is to rid you of said douche-faggotry, you still must learn how to live as one if the need arises. If you are enough of a douche-fag, then you may well be swallowed up by your own level of annoying-ness.

Treating Douche-Faggotry[edit]

It's generally accepted that the only way to treat this condition is to apply librel amounts of Power Thirst. While it's acknowledged that most douche-fags will not be able to handle the awesome power of Power Thirst, the ones that do will almost certainly be cured of this socially unacceptable condition.