“Whoa. Does this...mean..the matrix is real too?”

“Oscar Wilde”

According to the structures and theorems of logic, this page does exist.

## Mathematical Proof

 Explanation Formula Reason We define existence to be the state of living $Existence=living$ Definition of existence All webpages take time to make, and money (internet access) $webpages=time+money$ Postulated The biological functions of life are to eat and reproduce $Living=sex+food$ Meaning of Life postulate Food requires money $food=money$ No Free Lunch theorem Reproduction takes time $sex=time$ "I'm finally pregnant" theorem Given food = money and sex = time, we substitute: $living=money+time$ Substitution property of mathematics Since webpage = time + money, and (shown above) so does living... $webpages=living$ Substitution property of mathematics We defined existence to equal living, therefore $webpages=existence$ Transitive property of mathematics This is a webpage $ThisPage=webpage$ Definition of webpage Thus... $ThisPage=existence$ Transitive property of mathematics

This proof brought to you by the Fuzzy Math Foundation of America.

## Corollaries to the existence theorem

Because of their so-called intelligence, the so-called experts at Wikipedia will never have a proper article about This Page Does Exist. We are sorry for their blatant retardedness.

The mathematical equations above have profound meaning.

Firstly, if

$living=money*time$ and

$time=money$ then

$living=money^{2}$ So.. If

$Money={\sqrt {Evil}}$ then, transitively,

$living=evil$ Furthermore, if

$You=living$ and

$ThisPage=living$ then

$ThisPage=You$ It may be wise to keep this in mind before vandalizing this page, because, in order to balance the equation, we will have to vandalize your face.

## Impact on humanity

The impact of this page's mathematical existence is profound. For instance, as long as this page exists, due to corollary #2 of the existence theorem, so do you. Ordinarily, this is reason enough to destroy this page as soon as possible, but, unfortunately, due to the inevitable paradoxical state in which this page, mathematically proven to exist, would no longer exist, the Universe would a splode. Thus, we are forced to deal with you.