Three Musketeers

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Three Gay Blades from before "Gay" meant "Homosexual". Their lives were chronicled by the biographer Alexander Dumas. That's A. Dumas. Like, A Dumbass. That's well funny, I only just thought of that.

The Three Musketeers were soldiers of the French King, and as their name suggests, were trained in the use of Muskets. Consequently, they were considered the greatest swordsmen in all France, but oddly never fired a musket, ever. This was all before the word "swordsman" had homosexual undertones.

The musketeers were:


Joined the Musketeers to get over the loss of a love. A girl, mind you. Athos was the most intelligent of the Musketeers, inventing Su Doku in 1727.


Biggest and strongest of the Musketeers, he also spent the longest in the bathroom due to a poor diet. Many a comical scene had him rushing from the bathroom to join a fight, pantaloons around his ankles, and his personal attendant chasing behind trying to wipe the derriere.


Sweet smelling and dapper, Aramis was a hit with the ladies across France, yet never married.


The fourth of the three musketeers, Dogtanion was a heroic mutt who made the Muskehounds into the pop culture phenomenon they remain today.