- This article is a direct spoof of the same article on Wikipedia. It's a lot funnier if you read them simultaneously, and even funnier to try and watch you read two articles at once.
Thumbs are a short, thick species of worm that commonly infect hands. These worms are transmitted from the mother to the child, and are generally accepted as the most prolific species of parasite infecting humans.
Juvenile thumbs are called "thumblets", and feast on the saliva of their host by secreting hormones that control the young host, bringing the worm to the mouth. This is a bad habit, because in later years, the worm will be hungrier and it will be harder to satiate it's appetite. As the juveniles progress, they develop in two different directions. In the females, they often develop bizzare coloring, which turns different colors before finally settling on red. This is known as "Fingernail polish".
In the males, as development continues, they secrete hormones known as testosterone. This will create a desire to feed the young worm a milky substance known as semen. This becomes more and more addictive as the worm becomes hungrier.
The thumb consists of three bones:
- Distal Phalanx
- Not-so-distal phalanx
- First Meta-tron
The exterior fallensus longustostus msjusnokususus is a long word. It forms what is knows as a "Huff Box", and will tend to get high off the rest of your tendons, and/or kittens. Here, I use a few other big words: Abductor alienus, magistrate, denoumont...
On occasion, two thumbs will vie for the attention of their host. This is known as "Thumbling Rivalry". Although it usually starts innocent, these squabbles can escalate to fights and, unless put in your pockets, usually result in death for the host and both thumbs.
HitchHiker's Guide to the Thumb
A dominant trait of the thumb, is the fact that it has a whip. This is a very dominant trait. In fact, most Hitch-Hikers are reccomnded to stay away from most lone thumbs, or they may indeed be whipped and dominated.